 What
Women Want by Elena Solomon
Copyright (C) 2005 Elena Solomon
These days
everybody talks about body language - performance experts, life
coaches, gossip columnists and dating gurus. But do you know what
body language is?
The dictionary gives this definition to 'body language': "The
gestures, postures, and facial expressions by which a person
manifests various physical, mental, or emotional states and
communicates nonverbally with others."
I have been interested in body language for years, and after reading
a few dozens of books, all you need to know can be summarized in 4
simple points:
1. Body Language Is A Form Of Communication
Whether you realize it or not, your body sends unmistakable signals
to people around you. You DO communicate VOLUMES of information
about yourself with your posture, face expression and position of
your arms and legs. You do it ALL THE TIME.
In other words, before you even open your mouth, the people around
you have already made a certain opinion about you - and as you know,
first impressions last.
Body language accounts for 55% of your communication with the people
you actually talk to (and nearly 100% of your communication with the
people you don't know yet). The other 45% of your interactive
communication is the VOICE TONE and ACTUAL WORDS. The words
themselves account for only 7% of your communication.
All in all, your body language and the tone of your voice make up a
whopping 93% of your communication with other people!
This means that HOW you say it is 13 times MORE important than WHAT
you say.
Most people are spending all their time thinking of WHAT to say.
While they could have learned only once HOW to say it - and say
nearly anything with grandiose success.
What to know how?
Read on.
2. There Is OPEN Body Language and CLOSED Body Language
The definitions are transparent: 'open' body language makes you look
like an open, accepting and friendly person, and 'closed' body
language makes you look reserved, distant and unwelcoming.
When you want people to be attracted to you, use open body language.
When you want people to go away, use closed body language.
It's THAT simple.
3. OPEN Body Language Means NO Crossing, Covering or Hiding
Open body language is easy to master: look them in the eyes, don't
cross your arms or legs, don't cover your body, and don't hide your
palms and eyes.
That's it!
This is not too complicated, is it?
Let me break it down into pieces for you:
- LOOK THEM IN THE EYES: maintain eye contact at all times during
your conversation.
Looking people in the eyes is the most important part of the open
body language. It has been scientifically proven that long gazes
evoke the release of the same hormones that are produced when we are
in love - they will feel attracted to you and won't even know why.
- KEEP YOUR PALMS OPEN: Keep your hands on the sides of your body;
don't hide your hands in your pockets and don't sit on them.
Don't fold your arms or clench your fists. Don't cover your body
with your arms. Don't grab a drink or handbag with both hands. Don't
touch your face, ears or neck - this shows insecurity and anxiety.
If you need to hold something in your hands, hold it with ONE hand
only and keep it to the side, so your arm doesn't cover your body.
If the conversation is going to be longer than a couple of replicas,
put down anything you hold. Get a shoulder bag to keep your hands
free at all times.
- KEEP YOUR LEGS UNCROSSED: Don't cross your legs on any level. Keep
them apart.
- TURN YOUR BODY TOWARDS THEM: Turn your whole body to face them.
Point your feet towards them; turn your torso face-to-face, so the
angle between you and them is minimal.
- STAND TALL: You appear more confident and assured when you do.
- REMOVE BARRIERS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM: Don't put chairs, or
glasses, or anything else between you and the person you are talking
to. Keep it open.
- SMILE EASILY: There is a world of difference between smiling
easily and smiling all the time.
Smiling all the time means you are feeling tense and trying to cover
it up. Smiling easily means you feel comfortable and can open up
into smile any time you want.
If you tend to smile all the time when meeting strangers, try to
deliberately DON'T smile. Look them in the eyes, and keep a
friendly, tall, and open posture - but DON'T SMILE. When you master
that, start smiling after a minute or two in your conversation.
Start practicing open body language with shop assistants and bank
tellers: they are PAID to be nice to you. Notice what a difference
it has on your communication.
4. CLOSED Body Language Means Crossing, Covering or Hiding
Sometimes you don't want to attract certain people; this is what you
need to do in such cases:
- Don't look them in the eyes;
- Fold your arms or hide your hands in the pockets;
- Turn your body away from them;
- Cross your legs and point your feet away from them;
- Put barriers between you and them;
- Frown, or smile all the time a strained smile.
This will make them feel uncomfortable and they will try to avoid
you. You see, body language is not complicated at all.
In any social situation, you can see how the people around you feel.
Most of them will display 'closed' body language - and you know what
does it mean, they feel uncomfortable and apprehensive.
Which means that if you display the 'open' body language, you will
be irresistibly attractive. They won't know why but feel drawn to
you. People usually describe it as, "You have something special
about you", or "a presence".
If you start consciously 'open' yourself to other people, you will
notice the change in your communication almost immediately. Open
body language makes you appear more approachable and trustworthy. It
will also make you feel more comfortable and relaxed in any
situation.
Remember, your body language tells MORE about you than your words.
Use it to your advantage!
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12 Simple Rules
"12 Simple Rules" by Elena Solomon allows you to reach stable, repeatable and predictable results
in love and dating, virtually putting your dating life on autopilot. I promise this book will light a few light bulbs in your head.
* If you wonder what is the cause of your problems with women/men, this book will open your eyes and give you precise instructions on how you can get the love life you always wanted.
* If you were out of the game for a while and struggle to get back, this book will help you re-gain your lost confidence and learn a few new tricks along the road.
* If you consider yourself an expert on dating, you will find several tips that will make you pinch yourself and say, "I can't believe I didn't think about it before!"
The secrets in this book will give you an unfair advantage in the battle of sexes, so much that you may even feel guilty of using them... because you know EXACTLY what results you are going to get when the other party doesn't have a clue! It's like taking a candy from a baby.
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