|
 Article Courtesy 'Any Woman Anywhere' [www.anywomananywhere.com]
If
you've ever wanted to be more than just a friend to a woman in your
life, you're going to find this week's article very interesting. - Based on the
ebook "Any
Woman, Anywhere..."
Guys need to have the ability to look at things as they are, not as
they wish them to be.
*** Advice Question From A Subscriber ***
Hi,
I wanted to get your advice on a situation. I have been trying to get a
particular lady to go out with me for over a year now. This lady seemed
to like me and at first I thought me might go out.
However when I finally asked her out she said that she was not dating
anyone at the moment because of her son. She was divorced about 2 years
ago. I recently found out through a friend that she was dating someone.
Dude this person only wants to be friends but she has given me signals
in the past that I thought meant something else. I feel like I should
move on and seek someone else because the longer I try the more my
feelings get hurt. I appreciate your thoughts and insight on this.
Thanks.
Reply:
Let's analyze your situation piece by piece, shall we?
"I have been trying to get a particular lady to go out with me for over
a year now." WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU THINKING? I'm almost at a loss
for words.... Why in the world would you "try" to get a woman to go out
with you for OVER A YEAR, instead of moving on and focusing on the 3.2
billion OTHER women on the planet?
There's a
concept called "opportunity cost." It refers to the loss of opportunity
one suffers when you are doing something you SHOULDN'T be doing. In your
case, the "opportunity cost" was all the women you COULD HAVE been
dating while you were wasting your time trying to get this ONE to go out
with you. And what's really sad, borderline tragic, is how very common
this is. All the time guys put "all their eggs in one basket," and then
get crushed when that one woman just isn't into them. And we've all been
there...myself included. So, this mistake is very NORMAL...
But that doesn't mean it's OKAY. It's a huge mistake... and you need to
stop it IMMEDIATELY. Never, ever try to get a woman to date you over a
long period of time. So why are you making this mistake?
I'll tell
you why: Partly it's because you don't YET have the skills to have a
full dating calendar. In other words, you're NEEDY. If you were
consistently having a couple of dates a week, you wouldn't be "trying"
to date this woman for a year.
And it wouldn't be a big deal AT ALL that she's not interested in you.
Because not every woman IS going to be interested in you. That's the
harsh reality, and I'm not going to sugar coat it. But when you obsess
over one of these women who ISN'T into you, you waste valuable time, and
you SUFFER. I heard a great definition of suffering by one of the guest
speakers at one of David DeAnegelo's seminars recently. He defined
suffering as "burning mental and emotional energy on something OUTSIDE
of your control." And when you obsess on a chick that isn't into you,
this is exactly what you do: SUFFER.
Now that
I've ranted, let's get back to your question: "This lady seemed to like
me and at first I thought me might go out. However when I finally asked
her out she said that she was not dating anyone at the moment because of
her son. She was divorced about 2 years ago. I recently found out
through a friend that she was dating someone."
SHE'S
JUST NOT INTO YOU, DUDE.
Most men
without tons of dating experience have not yet learned something
absolutely fascinating: Direct rejection ("I'm not attracted to you...
you're not my type...etc") happens VERY RARELY. Instead, most women
instead will tell you "I have a boyfriend." "I'm not dating anyone right
now because of my son" is a polite, indirect rejection. Oh, and the fact
you were slow and "finally" asked her out hurt your chances as well.
When you procrastinate asking a woman out, it's a big turn off. When
you're slow to ask a woman out, you start creeping her out. She'll sense
that you like her, and that you WANT TO ask for her number and move
things forward, but you're torn.
Actually, you're AFRAID.
Women
don't respect men who let fear get the best of them. And when a woman
doesn't respect you, it's next to impossible for her to be attracted to
you. Here's one more thought:
Did you ever stop to think that maybe the guy she's now dating was
someone who she met AFTER she met you, but asked her out BEFORE you had
the balls to do it yourself?
"The
early bird catches the worm..."
Back one
last time to your question: "Dude, this person only wants to be friends
but she has given me signals in the past that I thought meant something
else. I feel like I should move on and seek someone else because the
longer I try the more my feelings get hurt." One of the best things you
can do for yourself as a man is develop the ability to RESPECT REALITY.
The
ability to look at things as they are, not as you WISH them to be. And
the reality is that now, despite the fact that she may have given you
positive signals in the past, she only wants to be friends with you.
That's reality today. So move on. Or, wait, I have a better idea...
Don't move on. Keep thinking about her. Keep obsessing about her. Keep
wishing you could have her. Right?
Wouldn't that be REALLY smart? And definitely don't take this as a
lesson to:
1) stop procrastinating asking women out
2) always be dating multiple women until one of the women you're
consistently dating captures you're attention so much that you want to
go "exclusive."
3) not go crazy over a woman you're never even taken on a date... I hope
you've enjoyed my little rant today, but more important than enjoying
it, I hope it's sparked a little "reality check" inside yourself.. and
maybe YOUR reality is you're STILL not having the success with women you
want.
Well,
keep doing the same things, and you'll keep getting the same result. But
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By the way: Have any buddies who want more success with women? Forward
this article to them. They'll thank you later.
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