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 Article
Courtesy 'Any Woman Anywhere' [www.anywomananywhere.com]
Learn
the top reasons why guys don’t approach the women they want--and what
YOU can do to turn around your success with women. - Based on the
ebook "Any Woman, Anywhere..."
How To Stop Turning Women OFF, And How To Start Turning Them ON Instead
If you constantly need her approval your dating success will be
non-existent.
Can you remember a time when you got really nervous before a date?
Maybe you were going to go out with a woman who was REALLY cute.
(Have you ever noticed the MORE beautiful a woman is, the more NERVOUS
you get? Have you ever noticed you have no problem being cool around
women you don't like, but the instant your "attraction-meter" hits the
red zone you start to lose it?)
Imagine for a moment you are on the telephone with a woman named Sara.
Sara is so attractive it makes you VERY nervous.
Imagine on the call you want to be a gentlemen and be considerate of her
needs. So you say, “I’m free on Friday. Would you mind if we went
bowling?”
She says bowling sounds fine, so you then ask, “What time would you like
me to pick you up?"
On the date, after the two of you bowl for a couple of hours you want to
do something else.
So you ask, “Would it be okay with you if we got some
coffee?”
Question:
What's wrong with this picture?
Answer:
All of your words might appear okay on the surface, but the problem is
they communicate that you are “coming from” a place where you are
SEEKING HER APPROVAL.
You are OVERLY CONCERNED about screwing up your chances by upsetting
her.
This is why you are continually "checking in" to see if what you are
suggesting is okay with her.
When you do this, you aren't cool. You aren’t confident. You aren't
being a man.
Instead, you are scared. And what you say communicates your fear loud
and clear to Sara.
Chances are you HAVE been in a situation with a woman where you were
nervous, and you automatically went into "approval-seeking mode."
At the time you probably thought you were just being considerate,
nice…you know, a gentleman.
But actually you were being insecure and worrying about screwing up. You
were worried about her not liking you any more.
You may have told yourself you were being considerate, but really you
were covering up your fear.
Will women pick up on this? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
The solution is two-fold:
On the inside, work on NOT needing women’s approval so much.
One way to get over this is to begin dating more than one woman.
The more women you date, the less importance you’ll put on any one of them.
So whether or not a particular woman “approves of” or likes you will be less
important.
I’m not saying every guy should be a ladies’ man or a “player,” since some
men don’t want to be.
But even if you’re looking for that one special someone, odds are you’re
going to need to date MANY women to find her.
Dating several women is a GOOD THING. The more experience you get, the more
you'll learn and the more you'll develop your skills.
Then when someone really special comes along, you'll be ready.
On the outside, work on avoiding making statements that seek approval.
Statements like, “If that’s okay with you…” and “Would it be okay with you
if…” you should be careful with and use sparingly.
That being said, if you’re coming from a place of not seeking approval you
can say just about anything and get away with it. But until you get to that
point, watch your word choice.
The simple practice of just reminding yourself not to seek approval as you
interact with women is often enough to realize where you're making mistakes,
and correct them.
Also, consider this:
The masculine quality of leading is the opposite of seeking approval.
Because of this, leading is an ANTIDOTE to approval-seeking.
One easy way to lead is by simply having a plan for the date. Do not rely on
your date to make any of the decisions regarding what the two of you are
going to do for at least the first three dates. Be “The Man With The Plan”
and decide what will happen.
You can even throw in the element of SURPRISE, and don't tell her exactly
what the two of you will be doing. Just give her hints. Most women LOVE the
feeling of building anticipation that surprises create.
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