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** Question From A
Newsletter Reader **
I am in love with a girl studying in my college. She is of my age
and studying the same subject but not in my class. I don't know her
name or any of her detail except for where she lives. She also don't
know anything about me. My objective is to make her my girlfriend.
As far as I have noticed she doesn't have any boyfriend.
I have subscribed to your 7 day crash course and after reading it I
understood that I have to approach her and talk to her at any cost.
But there was a problem. I am too nervous and afraid. In one of your
letters you had said "Men would opt to fight in Iraq rather than
talking to a beautiful woman." Well that perfectly fits me. But
after reading the letters sent by you I made my mind to talk to my
dream girl. And as my luck would have it I saw her in the college
near the water cooler a few days later. I decided to talk to her.
But I soon got very very nervous. My hands got sweaty. In fact in
the matter of seconds I was drenched in sweat. But still determined
I approached her. She was standing alone. I said to her "Excuse me,
I think I have seen you in Whitefield area". The moment I told this
I knew I have spoiled it. She was silent for a few moments and said
"So..", and she walked away.
My friends said that I should directly go up to her and say that I
am interested in her.
Sumit
John M's Reply:
Hi there Sumit,
Let's see what we can do here...
Okay, first of all, it's okay to want to make her your girlfriend,
but do yourself a favor:
STOP OBSESSING OVER HER.
She may be the girl of your dreams, but don't just focus on her and
only her. If you place too much importance on this girl, you'll have
a hard time getting her.
I want you to start pretending like you don't like her!
That'll be step #1.
After that, ask yourself: What is it that's making you afraid to
talk to her? Why are you feeling so nervous?
Then ask yourself: What bad things would happen to me if I talk to
her?
See, here's the deal. Something in your belief system is making you
feel bad or expect to fail. You need to figure out what that is and
train yourself to respond differently. I go into detail about how to
do this in the new edition of my book.
Your opener wasn't
the best. You need to come up with something more open-ended or
interactive. Remember: You must always have something to follow up
with! Otherwise you'll get the "So..." line again. One thing you
could have said to her was "Hey, are you studying engineering? You
look like an engineering girl." Then she'd say "yes" "no" or "what
do you mean by that?" Then you'd follow up with "You know,
engineering girls always look all quiet and thoughtful, but then
when they get out of school they're like wild party monsters. Is
that you?" Then riff from there. There's lots of places you can go
with it.
But you have to have
something prepared! I'd recommend you practice on girls you don't
like as much so that when you see this girl next, you're ready to
talk to her.
As for walking up to her and telling her you're interested, here's
my answer:
NO!!!!!
Don't EVER do that! That's the worst thing you could do.
Your first step is to meet her and talk to her a bit. If you can
engage her in conversation, all the better. Get her laughing and
having a good time. Then, ask her to join you for a cup of coffee.
If she can't do that, ask for her number. Then get her to hang out
with you somehow. But NEVER tell her you're interested in her! You
want to keep that sexual tension bubbling. If you make your
intentions clear, the girl is going to feel like you have ulterior
motives for everything.
And if this doesn't work out, just remember it's not the end of the
world. There are other girls out there for you to have a great time
with. So don't sweat this one. Just have fun.
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