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Do You Suffer From The 'Nice Guy Syndrome'?

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I have a question for you...
Have you ever heard that old adage "Nice Guys Finish Last?"

Well, I'm here to tell you that saying is 100% true! But not for the reasons you may think. Being a "Nice Guy" with women doesn't work, not because you get too caught up in what a girl wants and get stuck as a friend, but because Nice Guys are typically very, very...


That's right. When you're a "Nice Guy," you're not really being nice, you're being EMOTIONALLY GREEDY.

Let me explain...

One of the biggest problems guys who are struggling with women face is something I like to call "The Nice Guy Factor."

So many guys have such a weak identity and so little self-esteem, that they base their own self-worth on what other people THINK OF THEM.

These guys are at the mercy of everyone else in their lives, so they try their best to please the people around them, hoping they'll continue to think highly of them, so they can feel good about themselves. That's not so bad, right? It feels good when others approve of you, doesn't it?

Most people look at this behavior and would instantly categorize these poor men in the "Nice Guys" column. After all, they're the ones who don't like conflict. They're the ones who don't want to make waves. They're the ones who want everyone to be happy.

They are also some of the most selfish people on the planet.

Seriously. I know this because I used to be one of these people, and I know all their dirty little secrets! And the point of this article is to make everyone who thinks of themselves as "nice" or as a "victim" really, really pissed off!

All of you "Nice Guys" out there reading this are nothing more than "people pleasers." Somewhere in your life, you found out that pleasing people is a way to get other people to like you and admire you so you can feel good about yourself. Whether it was the acclaim of your parents, or the acceptance of your friends, somewhere in your time on this planet YOU LEARNED to feel good based on what other people think of you.

But I'm here to tell you that using other people's feelings and goodwill like that is not only harmful, but dishonest!

Anyone who says "I can't stand conflict!" or "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!" should do us all a favor and move to the planet "Ideal" where life is wonderful, we all have transparent heads, and there is no war. Only on this planet will you be able to find that everyone is willing to give you the moral support you need.

But that's the crux of the issue right there. All you "Nice Guys" have a losing mentality about your need for support. Your methodology is: "I am so loving and giving and nice, I expect you to treat me the exact same way as I treat you!"

Here is the typical thought process of Nice Guys:
--"Don't disagree with me! It's not fair because I do so much for you!!!"
--"Please be sympathetic and comfort me when I'm upset! I'm needy and can't comfort myself."
--"Always be in a good mood. I am always trying to make you happy and if I can't, I feel ashamed and mad at you!"
--"Pay attention to me when I need it! I've earned it after all I've done for you!!!!"
--"Take care of me by doing what I'm afraid to do! I take care of you, so you need to return the favor!!!!"

Look at those thoughts above, and ask yourself "If someone was saying that to me, how would I react?" Now you know where women are coming from when they don't want to have relationships with "Nice Guys."

Once that happens and the needy demands of "Nice Guys" go unmet, they fall into the deep pits of self-pity and depression. They also feel a lot of shame and anger at their failure to please the women they want, and though these "Nice Guys" can keep their pleasant demeanor up for a long time, their resentment of the women they want to please will grow and grow until it explodes in anger and rage, either directed at others, themselves, or both.

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This kind of mentality can extremely damage your self respect and cause others to not want to be around you.

So what's a "Nice Guy" to do?

If you want to have success with women, you need to stop being agreeable and instead be straightforward and honest, especially when you have to go against the wishes of others and disappoint them. You can do this with kindness and sensitivity, but you MUST do this nonetheless.

Only by being honest, with yourself and with others, will you be able to overcome the selfish "nice guy" habits you have adopted in your life. And when you do this, you will stop caring about what other people think of you because the source of your validation comes from the fact that you're being true to yourself and straightforward with others, and you will cease to harbor resentment and anger, and have more self respect and less depression.

That is the only way I have found to truly stop being a "Nice Guy" and become the type of man other people can respect. It can be hard being honest with others (especially yourself), but in the end it is far more rewarding than any other behavior you can adopt.


Let's face it, even though women's lib is going strong, women STILL don't typically approach guys. They wait for YOU to approach THEM.

So that begs the question: How do you approach them?

The Art of ApproachingIn my book, "The Art of Approaching" I go into this subject in detail. Inside my book, you'll find:
--Specific stories guaranteed to start a conversation with any woman you meet.
--Funny one-liners to get her laugh right away!
--Tactics to easily get 10-12 numbers a night.
--A step-by-step guide that teaches you how to overcome any fear or nervousness you may have when it comes to meeting women!
--Much, much more...

At the very least, walk up to these women and say to them "Hi." But if you really want to SUPERCHARGE your ability to meet the kind of beautiful, interesting women you've always wanted, be sure to check out my book:

And if you liked this article, you'll appreciate even more my weekly 'Art of Approaching' email newsletter. You can get it free here.

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Copyright 2007 :: Art of


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