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I have a question for you...
Have you ever heard that old adage "Nice Guys Finish Last?"
Well, I'm here to tell you that saying is 100% true! But not for the
reasons you may think. Being a "Nice Guy" with women doesn't work,
not because you get too caught up in what a girl wants and get stuck
as a friend, but because Nice Guys are typically very, very...
SELFISH!
That's right. When you're a "Nice Guy," you're not really being
nice, you're being EMOTIONALLY GREEDY.
Let me explain...
One of the biggest problems guys who are struggling with women face
is something I like to call "The Nice Guy Factor."
So many guys have such a weak identity and so little self-esteem,
that they base their own self-worth on what other people THINK OF
THEM.
These guys are at the mercy of everyone else in their lives, so they
try their best to please the people around them, hoping they'll
continue to think highly of them, so they can feel good about
themselves. That's not so bad, right? It feels good when others
approve of you, doesn't it?
Most people look at this behavior and would instantly categorize
these poor men in the "Nice Guys" column. After all, they're the
ones who don't like conflict. They're the ones who don't want to
make waves. They're the ones who want everyone to be happy.
They are also some of the most selfish people on the planet.
Seriously. I know this because I used to be one of these people, and
I know all their dirty little secrets! And the point of this
article is to make everyone who thinks of themselves as "nice" or
as a "victim" really, really pissed off!
All of you "Nice Guys" out there reading this are nothing more than
"people pleasers." Somewhere in your life, you found out that
pleasing people is a way to get other people to like you and admire
you so you can feel good about yourself. Whether it was the acclaim
of your parents, or the acceptance of your friends, somewhere in
your time on this planet YOU LEARNED to feel good based on what
other people think of you.
But I'm here to tell you that using other people's feelings and
goodwill like that is not only harmful, but dishonest!
Anyone who says "I can't stand conflict!" or "If you can't say
anything nice, don't say anything at all!" should do us all a favor
and move to the planet "Ideal" where life is wonderful, we all have
transparent heads, and there is no war. Only on this planet will you
be able to find that everyone is willing to give you the moral
support you need.
But that's the crux of the issue right there. All you "Nice Guys"
have a losing mentality about your need for support. Your
methodology is: "I am so loving and giving and nice, I expect you to
treat me the exact same way as I treat you!"
Here is the typical thought process of Nice Guys:
--"Don't disagree with me! It's not fair because I do so much for
you!!!"
--"Please be sympathetic and comfort me when I'm upset! I'm needy
and can't comfort myself."
--"Always be in a good mood. I am always trying to make you happy
and if I can't, I feel ashamed and mad at you!"
--"Pay attention to me when I need it! I've earned it after all I've
done for you!!!!"
--"Take care of me by doing what I'm afraid to do! I take care of
you, so you need to return the favor!!!!"
Look at those thoughts above, and ask yourself "If someone was
saying that to me, how would I react?" Now you know where women are
coming from when they don't want to have relationships with "Nice
Guys."
Once that happens and the needy demands of "Nice Guys" go unmet,
they fall into the deep pits of self-pity and depression. They also
feel a lot of shame and anger at their failure to please the women
they want, and though these "Nice Guys" can keep their pleasant
demeanor up for a long time, their resentment of the women they want
to please will grow and grow until it explodes in anger and rage,
either directed at others, themselves, or both.
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