"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Q:
Dear April,
Even though I've been with a few different women over the years, I'm
embarrassed to admit... I really don't know what's going on "down
there" with women. Now that I have a girlfriend who I really care
about, it's important to me that she has an orgasm, but I'm not sure
exactly how to make sure it happens. Can you...lead the way?
Signed,
Anatomically Challenged
A:
Dear Anatomically Challenged,
A number of emails I've received lately—yours included—have thrown
the whole idea of the selfish male lover right out the window. In
letter after letter, guys are writing to tell me they're actually
worried their wives or girlfriends aren't experiencing great sex!
They want to know why it is that their woman doesn't seem to
understand her own body, gets uncomfortable at the thought of
receiving oral sex, and in some cases, has never even had an orgasm.
Well Anatomically Challenged (and all you other similarly struggling
guys and girls out there) I'm here to tell you that you are most
definitely not alone. Although we certainly live in a much more
sexually free era than, say, our parent's generation, negative
attitudes about sex, lack of understanding, and feelings of guilt
are still very much a part of our culture...especially when it comes
to women. Just think about it: we're supposed to be virginal but
knowledgeable, demure yet hot, sexy, but not slutty. That's a tough
bill to fill and can leave a lot of us confused. And add to that the
influence of culture, religion, and complex physical anatomy, and
it's a wonder we women ever have sex at all!
That being said, many of us are having sex. Great sex. Passionate
sex. Exciting sex. Fulfilling sex. And your ladies can, too. All
they need is a little lesson in biology 101 and some understanding,
communication, and patience from you.
Body Perfect
When it comes to genitalia, you guys have got it easy. After all,
it's all there—out in the open. Ours, on the other hand, is hidden,
curvaceous, layered. It takes some exploring to really get to know
where things are, and how they work. Amazingly, even few women could
distinguish or name all the various parts.
But if there's one spot you and she both should know, it's the
g-spot, and it very well may not be where either of you thinks.
The G-spot is found about two inches from the vaginal opening. It is
a small mass of tissue that actually enlarges during sex (sound
familiar, guys?). The G-spot is connected to that part of the brain
that causes orgasms, so, when it's stimulated (through pressure
only, not touching), your girl will experience fantastic and
powerful orgasm! But, lucky her, that's not the only kind she can
have.
The Orgasm
There are actually two main types of orgasms a woman can experience:
clitoral and vaginal. Guys are usually surprised to find out that
the former is actually more intense for most, so all that "in and
out" is actually not what's doing it for her (though we
more-than-understand it's what is doing it for you). Rubbing her in
the right places while you're in n' out is.
"But wait", you might be thinking, "my girl can't experience any
type of orgasm, let alone this kind or that". If this is the case,
you've got some questions to ask her to find out what's really going
on. Questions like:
* Has she had an orgasm before?
* If so, how was it brought about?
* Can she have them when she masturbates/Does she masturbate?
* Does it help when she receives oral sex?
* What else can you do to make her feel good?
* Does she feel satisfied sexually without orgasm?
Interestingly, some women can be satisfied without reaching orgasm
every time. The problem occurs when they rarely or never do. If that
sounds more like your woman, and you both already understand the way
her body works, you and she both may have bigger issues on your
hands, as this can be a sign of a lack of an emotional connection
between the two of you (key for a woman's sexual experience),
complicated feelings about sexuality, or a troubled history with.
In any case, the best thing you can do is together, learn about her
body (books and fun videos on the subject abound), ask intimate
questions, never condemn her for a lack of understanding, and have
lots and lots of different types of sex. Homework like that is
enough to make any guy want to go back to school!
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
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