"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
Read chapters from April Masini's books here
AskApril.com
Q:
Dear April,
I love my wife – but I’m, frankly, bored. I don’t want to have a
roving eye, but I do. Does this mean we’re headed for divorce?
Signed,
Last Dance
A:
Dear Last Dance:
You’re HARDLY over. If you think being bored is a sign of divorce
then you need to get out more and see what real problems are! If you
love your wife and there is enough good in your life, chances are
you just need to shake things up a little bit and you’re going to be
fine. But sometimes people really, really, really get stuck in a rut
and they don’t see how easy it is to get out. This is partly because
they don't see that they're in a rut and partly because their
expectations of marriage are unrealistic.
First Shake Up Starts With Yourself
It’s completely normal to be bored in life and in marriage, but
boredom is NOT a ground for divorce. In fact, there are lots of
kinds of boredom, and before you shake it up in your marriage make
sure that you’re happy with your own life in the ways that are easy
to fix. For example, are you exercising and do you feel fit? If not,
you could easily get blue and depressed. Get a physical. Start a
workout routine, join a gym, and start taking care of yourself. That
is truly the first step to adding spice to your marriage. If you’re
down in the dumps you’re not going to make much of a lover.
After you get your exercise routine going, start eating well. No
more lunch from a drive-through. Take care of your body as if you
were both the coach and the star athlete in training. Then make sure
your hair is great, your nails and skin are great – yes, guys, I’m
talking to you – and vamp up your wardrobe. It doesn’t take a
million bucks. Just a new pair of shoes, a cashmere sweater and for
goodness sakes, get rid of those ripped boxers!
Now, you’re ready to shake it up in your bedroom, and your wife will
have taken notice if you’ve done everything I’ve just asked of you.
Shake It Up In The Bedroom
1. Examine your taboos. If there is something you would NEVER do in
bed, figure out why you would never do it-- and while you're
figuring it out -- try doing it -- on a smaller scale, if necessary
-- to see what kind of thrill you get. Sometimes our fears and
anxieties are the key to our pleasure. Never do anything that makes
you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, but at the same time, remember --
you're in a rut, and you want to get out of it. Especially in the
bedroom.
2. Baby steps. Increments of change are really important in sex – as
well as a sense of humor. But getting out of a sexual rut is tougher
than it looks. It’s very easy to quit if you feel you’re shot down,
or things don’t go the way you want them to. Don’t give up! The
payoff if you succeed is huge and exponential. A great sex life is
the gift that keeps on giving, so push the envelope by examining the
edges of it.
3. Make your sex life X rated. Once you’ve figured out what those
boundaries are, and where you’d like to go – whether it’s role
playing, dressing up, sensual toys, electric toys, a little light
bondage – or whatever it is – shake it up by getting out of the
house. Hit a sex shop with your partner -- or a best friend -- for
ideas and an afternoon of shopping that can lead to an evening of
hot sex. Be open-minded. If you need to have lunch with a glass of
wine before you take this shopping spree, do it! This can be great
fun. Especially if it’s something you’ve never done before and are a
little anxious about doing.
4. Put the lust in wanderlust. Travel like you've never traveled
before. If you've never slept on the ground under a full moon, get a
tent and a couple of sleeping bags and plan a down and dirty camping
and fishing trip. On the other hand, if you're always budget minded,
splurge on a spa vacation with mud baths, massages, seaweed wraps
and every other decadent thing you can think of. Pack a suitcase and
book some last minute plane tickets for a weekend of indulgence or
pack up the car and take a great road trip. Make sure you stay
focused on the goal – intimacy and sex – but shaking up your
environment and getting out of your house and your own bedroom can
do wonders for your sense of creativity, sexuality and fun. Bring
some little shake-it-up toys from your shopping spree in your
suitcase!
Expectations Can Be Dampers on Sexuality
How many times in a marriage has one person come to bed ready for
sex, and their partner didn't respond the way they expected, so they
just threw in the towel and went to sleep, disappointed? A lot! It's
difficult to shake up your own expectations of what will happen in
the bedroom, but being flexible gives your sex life and your
marriage more of a chance.
So many of us watch television, read magazines and glimpse tabloid
photos of celebrity or fictional marriages in movies and on shows
and we forget that that is not real life. It's just little glimpses
into other people's lives, most of which we know NOTHING about. And
sometimes, it's not even glimpses into real lives -- it's glimpses
into fictional lives of television characters and movie plots
written to grab an audience's attention and titillate. When we start
comparing ourselves to fiction and celebrity, we lose touch with
reality and sometimes throw away a good relationship to chase what
isn't even real! That only leads to eventual disappointment and
depression. Stay grounded! Remember what is real, and if you forget,
get out of your house and your neighborhood and even your circle of
friends and look around at what is real. You'll see that life can be
pretty mundane sometimes and that is normal. Accept it, and your
enjoy peaks and valleys that come naturally in your relationship --
and if they aren't coming quickly enough, like a good martini, shake
it up gently and luxuriate in the enjoyment.
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site,
www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
© 2005 April Masini
BRIEF BIO
April Masini is a recognized and award winning producer, author,
columnist, motivational speaker, relationship and success expert—with
politically incorrect twist. Sure to raise eyebrows, generate buzz … and
INSPIRE RESULTS!
Standing 5 feet, 8 inches tall, with a lean 127-pound body, and 38-26-36
proportions, it's not hard to understand why April Masini's impressive
list of accomplishments is not the first thing that pops into a guy's
mind upon meeting her. But April is much more than a blonde bombshell.
Though she started off her career as a model and actress, April has
moved on to become a persuasive public speaker and President/CEO of
Masini Television & Film Enterprises, LLC in Honolulu, and Masini
Enterprises, Inc. in Los Angeles.
On January 26, 2004, April's no-holds-barred advice book, "Date Out of
Your League" hit the stands, causing controversy with her witty,
well-endowed, naughty alter-ego, High Voltage Blonde, her brutally honest,
uncensored advice, and her sometimes politically incorrect message.... But
controversy quickly turned into interest, and then followings, when the
most widely read newspapers, magazines, and Web sites, around the world,
began seeking out April's comments, opinions, and expertise.
In fact, April became so popular that in February, 2004, "Ask April" was
launched simultaneously on two of FORBES Magazine's "Best on the Web"
winners, MillionaireMatch.com, who not only won with FORBES in 2003, but
was also singled out by the WALL STREET JOURNAL; along with
aLoveLinksPlus, who took FORBES top award in 2001 and 2002. Then "Ask
April" jumped the Pacific with MyNippon.com the hugely popular Japanese
site devoted to romance techniques.
When April isn’t writing, this former model/actress is leading seminars,
guest lecturing, or dedicating her time to Masini Enterprises—her
multifaceted television and film production company whose accomplishments
have been recognized, record-breaking, and award winning, with strong
connections to everything from "Baywatch" and "Blue Crush" to "LifeStyles
of the Rich & Famous" and "The Miss Universe Pageant."
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