"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Q: Dear April,
Generally, I tend to be kind of goofy and very friendly. This seems to
attract a lot of people, but not the ones I'm interested in. When it
comes to someone I'm attracted to, I become self conscious and even
turn red. Then I forget to be myself most of the time. What can I do?
Signed,
Self-Seeker
A: Dear Self-Seeker,
When I received this question, I knew it was one all of us could
relate to. We can be smart and funny and super cool around guys or
girls who don't matter to us, and anything-but when within a one mile
radius of someone who makes our heart beat faster.
If you're anything like Self-Seeker, you probably have wondered (while
cursing your bad luck) why this happens to you—and most importantly,
what can be done about it. Well take heart, my suddenly self-conscious
friends—I've got the answers.
Blame it on Mother Nature
Though you may feel a bit freakish when your cheeks turn the color of
ripe tomatoes, your words don't come out at all as you intended, and
your typically bubbly personality turns into a dull fizz, the truth
is, you're not alone. In fact, the majority of us, to some degree,
lose our cool when the object of our affection is nearby. And it's to
be expected, really. When the pressure's on, our body reacts
differently than when we're at ease. The brain and body don't always
synch up quickly, the adrenaline rushes in...and the sweat,
unfortunately, comes pouring out.
How then, to control what you feel you have no control over? Well, the
answer's not to put an extra coat of deodorant on (though that
couldn't hurt matters). Instead, investigate ways to let your mind
take over when your body is failing you. Depending on the severity of
your problem, you may benefit from something as simple as
deep-breathing techniques to calm you, or starting off your day with
mediation, during which you can focus on remaining calm, cool, and
collected in all situations (your mantra, of sorts). But that's just
for the physical. It's the emotional aspect of what's going on when
you're standing next to the guy or girl of your dreams that's the
hardest part to tackle.
The Evaluation
Get ready, because I'm about to say something you may not want to
hear...
Have you considered the idea that you may be attracted to the wrong
people?
Here's why I ask. Self-Seeker says he has no problem attracting people
when being goofy and outgoing; in other words, when being true to
himself, but that he's not interested in those people. Well why not?
Not only do they like Self-Seeker for who he really is, but
Self-Seeker obviously feels comfortable enough around them to let his
true colors shine through. He's actually at his best around these
"undesirables", and isn't that, after all, what we all look for in our
perfect partners—someone who thinks we're great, and who we can be
great around?
Think about it. And if you still feel like they're just not the right
kind of girls for you, then you'll have to take this final leap.
Fake It
For those of you who have read my other columns, this advice may
look familiar, but it bears repeating. When all else fails, and you
just can't seem to rise to the occasion in a genuine way, you've
gotta just fake it till you make it. Here's what I said in my "Shy
Girl" article...
"...Come up with an image of who you think the coolest, sexiest
person would be and how they would approach the object of your
affection. What would they say? How would they act? Then, envision
yourself as that person, and go through the motions. Make sure you
have it all down before you approach your guy or girl (practice in
the mirror if you have to), and then go for it."
In other words, you know you're funny and smart and charming, but
until you can actually be that person in front of your boyfriend or
girlfriend-to-be (hey, I'm being optimistic), put on an act. Just
think of it as a temporary tool to help you get your foot in the
door. Because I would bet that once you're in, the
super-fabulous-and-always-funny-you will come shining through.
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
© 2003, 2006 April
Masini
Making it happen for
you
If you’re ready to get serious about finding a relationship
that will really work for you—but aren’t quite ready to sign up for
an arranged marriage—then my workshops on dating, love, and all
around success might be just what the doctor ordered. Please visit
www.AskApril.com,
and click on “Workshops” for more information. You’ll also find a
ton of other articles, fun, interactive quizzes, and FREE giveaways!
See you there…
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