"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Make A Friend A Girlfriend
Date Your Friend
Q: Dear April,
I have been friendly with a girl at my school for about a year. She
has had the same boyfriend this entire time so, although I did have
some feelings for her, I never asked her out. She calls me almost
every night on weeknights, sometimes multiple times on the same
night. Usually she asks me a question about schoolwork and I help
her out or I help guide her through papers she is having trouble
with. We are in almost all of the same classes every day so she
usually relies on me to help her if she needs help with school. I am
not sure if I should take this as a sign that she likes me, because
she says that she often calls her friends many times, but there are
many other people whom she could call to get help in those classes.
Well recently she broke up with her boyfriend and now I want to ask
her out but I'm not sure if she will say yes, and if she says, no
because things will be awkward between us in all the classes we have
together. We once talked about how her friends are so different from
her boyfriends, she usually ends up going out with boys who get in
trouble and don't treat her like they should. I'm not one of those
boys at all, so I'm slightly nervous about asking her out, although
I can easily make her laugh and I'm almost always willing to listen
to her completely random stories even when she knows I'm trying to
do work.
With what I have told you, do you think I should attempt to ask her
out, despite the risk that it could make both of us awkward for the
rest of the school year? Or do you think I should just try to get
rid of my feelings of wanting more than a friendship with her and
remain friends?
Thanks for any advice you may be able to give.
Sincerely,
Can I Step It Up?
A: Dear Step It Up,
You sound like a terrific guy! And terrific guys are worth
something. So find out your worth with this friend of yours – and if
she’s not interested, move on to someone who values you for the
great guy you are! You deserve a great girlfriend or a great date,
not just someone who wants to keep you around as a friend despite
the fact that you’re a man – albeit a young, teenage man – who is
attracted to her and wants to date her.
If you don’t honor your feelings, you’re not honoring yourself, and
you can’t expect anyone else to. So start by being honest with
yourself. You became friends with her because you were attracted to
her, and you were hoping that you’d find yourself in exactly this
situation – with her available and having a trusting friendship with
you that you could build into more than just friendship. Now the
time has come, and you have to make your next move. Ask her out! By
doing so, she will be on the spot, but that’s what you want! If you
don’t ask, you’ll never know.
As far as her wanting to date bad boys, or men who don’t treat her
well, that’s her problem to deal with – not yours. Women who date
men who treat them badly have low self-esteem and/or don’t’ really
want intimacy. What you’re going to offer her as a date and possibly
a boyfriend (if the date goes well), is a healthy, loving
relationship between teens. You can’t make her do what she’s not
ready to do, nor should you. But you should do what’s right for you
– and that’s taking this relationship to the next step.
If she does say no, then you should definitely move on. Rejection is
actually a gift. Who wants to date or be with someone who doesn’t
want them? Not you! So if you find out that she isn’t interested in
dating you, she’s saving you a tremendous amount of time and energy
because you can start looking around. And you know what? There’s a
strong possibility that she’ll respect you for standing up to her,
and she’ll probably even find you more attractive as you move on –
especially if she likes bad boys or men who treat her badly. Your
saying no to her will make you more desirable.
Women love men who are confident and self assured. You’re asking her
out on a date will demonstrate that you’re both those things. It
will demonstrate that you’re not afraid to go after what it is you
want. And it will demonstrate that you’re not someone who’s
comfortable sitting in a puddle of rejection. You’re a winner – and
if you can’t win with her – you’re going to find someone you can win
with!
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
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"soul mate"!
© 2006 April
Masini
Making it happen for
you
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