"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Q:
Dear April,
I think I’m in love – with my boss! He’s not married, and he’s not
too old for me, but somehow, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
Am I? Signed, Working It
A:
Dear Working It:
Of course you fell in love with your boss. You’re probably like
every other workingwoman who is dedicated and hard working – so much
so that her commitment to work makes it impossible to meet anyone
outside of work. You’re probably not just a nine to five worker –
you’re that successful someone who works extra hours, weekends, and
is trying to get ahead and do well. You know what that makes you?
Sexy!
Men love women who are confident and focused with interests and
areas of expertise. Who wouldn’t? Think about it. It goes both ways.
Women love men who are like that, too – and what simpler place to
meet them than at work?
However, that doesn’t mean you have to go through with it. The
easiest way to get out of dating someone at work is to simply
explain, “Sorry. I don’t date people I work with.” Then hope one of
you gets fired.
Here are some considerations in deciding if dating someone at work
is right for you:
Pros and Cons of Dating A Co-Worker
PROS:
1. You know he or she has a job. You know how he or she is thought
of at work.
2. You have a lot in common and can be more productive because you
have this in common.
3. There is an understanding of each other's work schedules. One of
you isn't angry if the other has to work late because you have a
better understanding of what's involved.
CONS:
1. If you break up or have a fight, you don't get the respite and
space you may need to heal or cool down because you'll see the
person so often at work.
2. Sexual harassment is a real problem that can occur more easily
when there are lines that get blurred at work. In addition, people
gossip and you may make enemies if one of you is higher up in the
corporate or business ladder at work, and the one is lower down may
be perceived as getting unfair advantages.
3. If one of you wants a break from work and the other is into work,
you may not have an escape from it -- even out of the office.
Date at Work –
But Work at Dating
Okay, so you’ve thought about it, and you’re still with me that
dating someone from work is viable and can even be successful.
Even though it’s often advised against, dating people you work with
makes practical sense—after all, we spend so much of our lives in
the office, there’s often no other way or time to meet anyone else.
But that’s not to say you don’t have to be smart —extra smart, in
fact—about your choices, and take special precautions if you’re
going to venture into an office romance.
Water Cooler
Gossip
The one overriding warning worth heeding—the one that should dictate
all of your actions and words—is this: People talk. No matter how
friendly your co-workers are, or how tight-lipped the object of your
affection seems, secrets are almost always spilled, one way or
another, whether accidentally or intentionally. Translation? Say
nothing and do nothing that you do not want everyone else to know
about. This means no chit-chat with the girls at the water cooler
about his size or performance, and no pillow talk with him about how
much you loathe your boss, and can’t wait to take over his or her
job. There’s too much at stake—like, your livelihood—to take risks,
and there’s too much to lose—like a potentially great love—not to
give it a shot.
Rules About Dating Co-Workers
1. Don’t mix business and pleasure on company time. Agree to date
out of work hours, but don’t turn a business lunch into a romantic
lunch.
2. Stay fair. Don’t give someone you’re dating better work or pay,
and don’t punish someone you’re breaking up with by giving him or
her worse work or pay. Otherwise, you may find yourself on the
receiving end of a lawsuit!
3. Make sure he or she is actually single. If they’re not – then
keep personal remarks at work limited to sports, the weather and the
kids. Don’t gripe or listen to gripes about a spouse. “I’m sorry,
I’m not comfortable talking about your wife – I want to keep our
relationship all business because I value us as co-workers,” is all
you need to say – and do.
Dating Your Boss
Dating your boss may be a lightning rod for trouble, but the truth
is it's natural to fall in love with someone you work with, that you
admire. And if you’re a terrific asset to the company, you’re going
to catch your boss’s attention with your work. If you’re attractive,
and there’s chemistry between the two of you, it’s natural for a
relationship to become possible. Therefore, dating the boss is
something that is taboo only if you let it be. That said, there are
definitely 'Do's & Don'ts' to follow that will make or break your
romance.
Do’s and Don’ts
For Dating Your Boss
1. Don't Boast. Your boss may look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie,
and you may be so pumped up that you've got a hot date with hottie
-- but keep your feelings to yourself -- and your friends outside of
work. This is a great time to start practicing certain boundaries.
Work gossip is inevitable. Practice good behavior by keeping the
water cooler talk to work and the weather.
2. Don't Make Out or Have Sex At Work. Sorry to burst your bubble if
you've got fantasies of locking the board room door and doing it on
the conference table while the staff waits impatiently for the
janitor to jimmy the lock open. Keep all sex and affection outside
of office parameters. It's okay to meet at the office, but don't
smooch at the office.
3. Don't Have Love Spats At Work. If the sex wasn't great the night
before, don't bring your disappointment to your staff meetings -- no
pun intended. You will have to practice wearing two hats -- even if
you're mad at the boss you're dating, don't put the kabosh on his
comments at the Monday morning meeting and act out your frustrations
at work.
4. Do Put Rumors To Rest. If you hear gossip, don't fuel the fire by
denying the truth. Everyone finds out that you're dating eventually.
While you should not announce your relationship, you can say, "Yes,
we're dating. We're both single adults and we were lucky enough to
have found each other! We're working very hard to keep our social
life separate from our work life." And smile.
5. Do Communicate Well. Dating your boss seriously, is a lot like
blending families because there are so many people involved --
whether you like it or not -- and they're all wondering how your
relationship is going to affect them. Put yourself in your
co-workers shoes, and talk openly and often with your honey about
what you see, feel and want to do about it.
Remember that both dating and working are natural parts of life, and
it’s completely natural to become attracted to people you work with.
If you’re both single and available, go for it! But be impeccable
with your behavior and your work. You’re going to be under more
scrutiny in this relationship than you would be if you were dating
someone you didn’t work with.
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
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