"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Q:
Dear April,
I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year, and we've gotten
pretty serious. We've always had good conversations, but somehow
politics never really came up until recently, especially with the
election around the corner. I always thought we were on the same
wavelength when it came to voting, because we're so compatible in
most other areas, but when a mutual friend asked us which candidate
we were voting for, we both said a different name. I was shocked and
I think he was, too. Can it work out between us if we're at
completely opposite ends of the political spectrum?
Signed,
Politically Divided Dater
A:
Dear Politically Divided Dater,
It's not surprising that the topic of politics hasn't come up in
conversation until now. There are few subjects that can spoil that
exciting honeymoon period in the beginning of a relationship the way
politics can. Religion is another. If two people are totally into
each other, they are seeing each other through rose-colored glasses.
The last thing they want to find out in that dreamy-eyed first few
months is that their relationship is doomed – that once the happy
haze lifts, the love will be lost to opposing political viewpoints
or conflicting religious affiliations. Religion is a different topic
for a different day. For now, let's talk politics.
This is one question I hear a lot, and one that draws a response
that most people really don't want to hear. The answer: Probably
not. Obviously, a blanket "No way!" would be unfair, given that no
two relationships are alike, and some can withstand more strain than
others can. But, in most cases, differences in political opinions
cause tensions that are too high to overcome. The reason being that
political differences are only the tip of the iceberg – political
beliefs reveal a lot more about a person than just a preference
between donkeys and elephants.
With so many political issues in the spotlight right now – war,
abortion, gay marriages, just to name a few – the party you choose
to affiliate yourself with usually also represents how you feel
about these issues. If your boyfriend is a Republican, he sides
himself with a party that is historically pro-life. If you are
pro-choice, this can be a very touchy subject – one that may end up
in a messy breakup battle. And speaking of battles, the current
situation in Iraq has created a great divide between even the least
political Americans. Where you stand on the issue of war is going to
determine whom you vote for. It's also going to indicate deeper
beliefs about peace, love and the American way – beliefs that are
likely going to get in the way of your harmonious union. This is
because politics speaks to everything, from race and economic
bracket to what types of music you like, and even the types of sex
you might be inclined to have.
I hate to tell you that it's time to call it quits, but there are
some things you need to consider. First, is either of you staunch
enough in your affiliations to turn healthy discussions about the
White House into no-holds-barred brawls in your house? If you're
both levelheaded and just like a good argument, there's hope for you
yet. But if you're so set in your opinions that you'll fight to the
death to get your point across, it's better to get out now. The old
saying may tell you that opposites attract, but in reality, "like"
attracts "like," and you'll be better off in the long run with
someone who will support you in your cause.
It's important that you get deeper than which candidate you support
and with which party name you identify. It's more about the issues
than it is the name. If the two of you make a list of the top five
issues that matter most to each of you and discuss which side of
those issues you're on, you may find that you agree on the critical
things that are important to your relationship and your future
together. In that case, it may not matter that he prefers Texas to
New England, or oil to ketchup.
But if it goes way beyond the running mate, the divide may be too
great for you and your mate to bridge. If and your guy do choose to
go your separate ways, you may want to take this as a lesson. The
next time you're in that haze filled early relationship fog, ask
yourself, do I know if this guy is a
Republican or a
Democrat? If the answer is no: take off your rose-colored
glasses, look him straight in the eye, and ask him.
If you're still not convinced, check out the column
"Do
Opposites Attract?" You'll see that you're not alone.
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
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