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The Facts on Foreplay ... Guys—don’t underestimate the
importance of the “pre-game show”!
When it comes to sex, too
many guys tend to worry about the wrong things, like size and stamina,
and neglect to focus enough energy on the right things. What are the
“right things”? Well, at the top of the list is one thing that happens
(or that should happen) before sex even begins—foreplay! Probably more
than any other aspect of sex, these pre-intercourse activities are
what really gets a girl going. In fact, in one study, more than 700
nurses reported that lack of foreplay was the highest ranked reason
for an inability to reach orgasm!
Foreplay may not be what you think.
Okay, maybe it’s not that you’re focusing on the wrong things, but
rather, you’re not even clear about what the right
thing—foreplay—really is. Here’s a question that will help gauge your
level of understanding:
A) What happens after the clothes come off, but before intercourse
B) Kissing, caressing, and petting
C) Connecting with her emotionally for a significant amount of time
prior to sex
D) None of the above
E) All of the above…and more
If you answered “E”, you’re right on the money. Foreplay is
e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g that comes before intercourse, whether physical or
What’s a guy to do?
If foreplay is everything, you might be left to wonder where to begin.
I say, there’s no better place to start than, well…right at the
beginning. In this case, that’s the moment you set eyes on one another
for the evening. Here’s a five-step plan to get you (and most
importantly, her) ready.
1. Connect—Without being too overt, you want to try and “connect” with
her. Nothing is more important to a woman. This connection can be as
simple as asking her how her day was…and really listening to her
response. Or, try telling her that you were thinking about her today,
and missed her. Nothing too over-the-top, but still honest and caring.
2. Be Intimate—Being intimate does not have to mean being sexual. Show
her that you know the difference by asking probing questions and
giving her more than one-word answers when she asks you the same.
Confide in her things you don’t normally tell people, and let it be
known that you appreciate her listening.
3. Be Physical—Here, too, being physical does not mean “being sexual”.
Hold her hand, rub her shoulders, squeeze her leg—do anything to
simply make contact…without mauling her, of course.
4. Kiss—Okay, now we can move into the part you’ve been waiting for.
But not any kiss will do. Despite what many of you men apparently
believe, we women do not like to have a lot of tongue action right
away. Start with a dry, soft kiss, and pay attention to whether or not
she’s digging it. If she is, you can progress from there with a bit
more passion and gusto, but always be aware of whether she’s
reciprocating. A great trick is to mimic her kissing style, as it’s
surely a sign of what she likes!
5. Heavy Petting—From the time you began kissing her until now, the
“heavy petting” stage, there should be some time lapse. How long will
depend on how hot and bothered you both get. But let it be said that
the longer and slower you go, the more experienced you’ll seem, and
the more into it she’ll be.
When to say when
So, you think you’ve got foreplay down now. You’ve wined and dined
her, talked and listened, kissed…and more. But how do you know when
it’s time to move on and actually have sex? Well, if she doesn’t tell
you, and if your own judgment isn’t too be trusted, just refer to the
clock (though you better not let her catch you looking)—17 minutes has
been deemed the most desirable amount of time by sexually experienced
Ready for even more
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© 2003, 2004 April
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