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My Grandma Is Having Sex With Her Boyfriend
Is She Too Old?

"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League"
Read chapters from April Masini's books here

Q: Dear April,
My grandmother is in a nursing home, and she has a boyfriend there, which I’ve always thought was cute, but now, I think she’s having sex with him. What do I do?
Grandma’s Hot To Trot

A: Dear Hot To Trot:

Age is not an obstacle to love or affection and everyone wants both and thrives with both. Even seniors. Sex drives do change as people age and certain medications can dull or kick up senior libidos, so there is no right or wrong amount of dating, sex or affection. In fact, many seniors may appear to be having sex, but they're just being affectionate. Everyone thrives with positive contact, and a sexual relationship between seniors can be very healthy and rewarding. But it can be difficult for families to accept the fact that grandma or grandpa is having sex with a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Society does seem to tacitly frown on senior sex - especially out of marriage. But many women outlive their husbands, and find themselves in retirement homes or living alone. Like any other single, they like company and affection. It is natural that if your grandma is in contact with other single men, she may strike up a relationship, and if she or he has sexual feelings, they will be expressed in the course of the relationship the way other adults express their sexuality.

-The truth is, aside from the physical problems like broken bones that do result during the act, there is a lot of good -- physically, psychologically, emotionally and socially for sexually active seniors in committed and loving relationships.

Getting over taboos

Our society doesn’t celebrate romance and sex among seniors. In fact our books and movies rarely depict grandma and grandpa having an exciting romantic and sexual relationship. But as our lives are sustained by technology and medication, seniors live longer, and want to live richer lives that include romance and sex.

When seniors live in retirement or nursing homes -- or other types of living situations that require their chronic care -- it is difficult for caregivers to know what is right and what is wrong when it comes to seniors' romantic and sexual relationships. Often caregivers, staff and family members treat seniors with sexual urges the same way they do young children – by discouraging sexuality because they are uncomfortable seeing it or even knowing it exists. The caregivers often err on the side of caution by discouraging intimate and sexual senior relationships.


Sadly, it is easy for seniors on strong medication or with memory loss to forget that they've said yes to a date or a sex act and suddenly, there can be an awkward (at best) situation at hand. If your grandma is having a sexual relationship with her boyfriend, it would be a good idea to have some supervision for this reason alone – so that she can remember that she invited her boyfriend to stay the night rather than waking up the next morning and wondering how he got there because her Alzheimer’s – or some other memory affectation – made her forget. If a caregiver or family member is nearby, they can remind her that she had a planned and consensual “sleepover date.”

Ways to encourage safe senior romantic relationships:
1. Deal with it. When you are uncomfortable seeing your senior family in a romantic and sexual relationship, think about how you would a seventeen-year-old or a twenty year old. Recognize that while their independent sexual and romantic relationships may be difficult for you and your caregivers to see, it is important to their individuation.

2. Facilitate senior relationships with care. If your mother or father in a nursing home seems to like someone, invite that someone to your home, along with your family member for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Sunday dinners. Allow opportunities for the relationship between the seniors to flourish. Remember that they are not always physically able to remember phone numbers to call their friends on their own, and often they are not physically able to walk or drive on a date or just out for coffee. Help them.

3. If your senior relative is in a sexual relationship, you will have to open your mind to new horizons. Allow your senior family-member and his or her friend to have sexual time and privacy, but stay near by in case someone falls or needs help. You will have to adjust your modesty meter and keep the big picture in mind. Consider "sleep over dates" with both sets of caregivers on hand or family members sleeping on the couch in the living room in case someone falls, etc.

Overall, remember respect for humanity. Just because someone is old does not mean that they have lost their ability to express themselves sexually, or romantically. The last stages of life do not have to be love-less.


Ready for even more bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web site, www.Ask There, you'll find informative articles, expert columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real "soul mate"!


Date Out of Your League - For The Man Who Is Ready To Date The Woman He Wants - Not The One He Settles For!

Ask April "Date Out Of Your League"

© 2005 April Masini

April Masini is a recognized and award winning producer, author, columnist, motivational speaker, relationship and success expert—with politically incorrect twist. Sure to raise eyebrows, generate buzz … and INSPIRE RESULTS!

Standing 5 feet, 8 inches tall, with a lean 127-pound body, and 38-26-36 proportions, it's not hard to understand why April Masini's impressive list of accomplishments is not the first thing that pops into a guy's mind upon meeting her. But April is much more than a blonde bombshell.
Though she started off her career as a model and actress, April has moved on to become a persuasive public speaker and President/CEO of Masini Television & Film Enterprises, LLC in Honolulu, and Masini Enterprises, Inc. in Los Angeles.

On January 26, 2004, April's no-holds-barred advice book, "Date Out of Your League" hit the stands, causing controversy with her witty, well-endowed, naughty alter-ego, High Voltage Blonde, her brutally honest, uncensored advice, and her sometimes politically incorrect message.... But controversy quickly turned into interest, and then followings, when the most widely read newspapers, magazines, and Web sites, around the world, began seeking out April's comments, opinions, and expertise.

In fact, April became so popular that in February, 2004, "Ask April" was launched simultaneously on two of FORBES Magazine's "Best on the Web" winners,, who not only won with FORBES in 2003, but was also singled out by the WALL STREET JOURNAL; along with aLoveLinksPlus, who took FORBES top award in 2001 and 2002. Then "Ask April" jumped the Pacific with the hugely popular Japanese site devoted to romance techniques.

When April isn’t writing, this former model/actress is leading seminars, guest lecturing, or dedicating her time to Masini Enterprises—her multifaceted television and film production company whose accomplishments have been recognized, record-breaking, and award winning, with strong connections to everything from "Baywatch" and "Blue Crush" to "LifeStyles of the Rich & Famous" and "The Miss Universe Pageant."






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