"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Hello University! Goodbye High
School Boyfriend!
How To Move On
Q: Dear April,
My question is how do I move on? I was with the most amazing guy for
four years, but I’m only 19 now. We got together very young, but we
had the most amazing relationship and were just so happy together
all the time! However, before I came to university he broke up with
me pretty much because I was coming to university. We spent three
months apart, but the whole time I was single I didn’t enjoy it
because I couldn’t stop thinking about him! Then he finally come
back and I was so happy because I loved him but it made me think
that maybe I’ve gotten to the age where I need to see what else is
out there so I can know if he truly is the one!
So we got back
together for two months but then I finished with him because I saw
being at university as my opportunity to see if he really is the one
I want to be with or if he is just my first love! Now that’s
explained, my problem is that I can’t move on!
Even though I’ve done
the right thing and I know I have, he’s out there having fun and
meeting other girls which is what I wanted him to do but I still
cant stop thinking about him all the time and it drives me mad
because I just want to forget about him long enough to enjoy myself!
Please help!
Signed,
Help Me Move On
A: Dear Help Me Move On,
You’ve done a really good job at identifying your problem and
handling things up to now. In fact, considering your age, you’ve
done everything right. While 15 or 16 years old is young to be in a
long-term relationship (as opposed to doing light dating), it’s
within the range of normal. However, going to university is a big
life change, and you’re both right to reconsider this time as being
a time to be in a committed relationship. The problem is that you
didn’t decide it at the same time! He decided it first – probably as
a pre-emptive strike so he wouldn’t find himself rejected by you if
you did meet someone at university. Then you did it after a brief
reunion. And now, you’re lonely and you’re missing him. It all makes
sense.
So here’s what you need to do to get over him – because getting over
him is the right thing to do right now:
1. Throw yourself into your new university life. You’re a student.
Enjoy it. It’s probably the last time you’ll be one. Do all the
things that students do – including focusing on your studies.
2. Don’t leave yourself any “daydreaming about him” time. If you
have time for a part time job, get one. If you don’t want a job,
take up some volunteer work. There are lots of people with problems
far worse than yours. Help them.
3. Exercise. Besides giving you a positive endorphin rush, you’ll be
putting yourself into social circumstances, and you’ll be taking
care of your body – good for your health and self esteem and good
for being noticed.
4. Go to university related parties and sponsored social events.
There are more parties and events than you will have time for. Show
up. Have a good time.
5. Make an effort to meet new people. This is one of the last times
you’ll be in such a huge dating pool of single, available age
appropriate adults.
If you’re focusing on your self, and your own life without him,
you’ll eventually stop wondering what he’s doing. Stay strong and
stay focused on your goal – to grow up, get educated at university
and see what the world has in store for you. Tomorrow is going to be
great!
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
© 2006 April
Masini
Making it happen for
you
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that will really work for you—but aren’t quite ready to sign up for
an arranged marriage—then my workshops on dating, love, and all
around success might be just what the doctor ordered. Please visit
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