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Her Mom Tries To Break Us Up
Her Parents Hate Me
Q: Dear April,
Well, I am 14 and I've been dating this girl for 2 months and 3
weeks, (a long time for me), and when we started dating I told her
that I had had sex before and I just quit smoking and drinking and
stuff. She told her mom this stuff, and now her mom doesn’t believe
that I quit, and I mean, I want her mom to approve of me because
it'll make it easier for her to deal with me because I really like
this girl.
I've been to her
house 3 times and I've met her mom, her dad, and her aunt, but her
mom always talks about me behind my back. She is threatening to
break us up, but I haven’t done anything to her mom. I'm usually
polite and well mannered, but she just doesn’t like me! Help,
please! We don't plan on having sex. We are just a couple dumb kids
who want to be together. She wants to wait for sex, and it's fine
with me.
Signed,
Her Mom Hates Me
A: Dear Her Mom Hates Me,
I know that it’s hard to do when you’re fourteen, but try and
pretend that you’re a parent, and your fourteen-year-old daughter
brings home a guy that she tells her mother has already had sex, has
been smoking, drinking and “stuff”, and she is dating him. How would
you feel if you were the parent?
If you’re being
honest, the answer is, you’d feel protective of your daughter, and
want her to be with someone who has not had such a “fast” growing up
experience. You’d worry that she would be introduced to sex,
smoking, drinking and “stuff”, by this boy. You might feel scared
that your daughter is in harm's way or even danger around this boy.
You would discourage the relationship.
Given all that, that
doesn’t mean you should stop dating her – I just want you to try and
be empathetic to her parents and understand their point of view. No
parents would be okay with their fourteen-year-old daughter dating
someone with your background, if they’re honest.
Ways To Win Over Her Parents
However, you’re not just your background. You’re someone who has
actually quit smoking, quit drinking and quit “stuff” which I
imagine is drugs. That’s commendable, and you should stay on that
path. But you also have to understand that not everyone is going to
see things your way, and it’s not your job to convince them that
you’re a good guy by telling them. They’ll be convinced by your
showing them. So, if you really want to date this girl and win over
her parents, here’s what you have to do:
1. Get good grades in school. You may already be doing that, but if
you’re not, make that a goal. Parents love boys who are good
students. It will also do you a lot of good at the same time.
2. Take up a sport if you don’t already have one. If you’re not a
jock, then take up chess or some other team sport. The debate club
counts. By being part of a team that competes, you’re practicing
discipline, team work and citizenship. Take up something you enjoy,
and you’ll be doing something good for your relationship with this
girl and for yourself.
3. Continue to visit this girl at her house. Her parents biggest
fear is what happens when they’re not around. Relax. They’re not
freaks. Most parents feel this way, but have varying degrees of
relaxation depending on how much they trust the boy their daughter
is dating. Your girlfriend’s parents don’t trust you, so they’re
going to be more worried than other parents may be. Don’t judge
them. Just accept it. Stay on their turf when you visit her.
4. When you do want to take her out, do it during the day time, and
be extra responsible. Take her out for a smoothie or an ice-blended.
Take her bowling with a group of friends. And whatever you do, make
sure that you always tell her parents what time you’ll bring her
back. If it feels awkward, deal with it. This is what you have to do
to make her parents feel comfortable and to be able to spend time
with her. It’s not the worst thing in the world – in fact, you may
start to enjoy it.
5. As you gain their trust, and if you do the above, you will gain
their trust, eventually ask them if it would be all right if you
took her to a movie at night. Respect their decision. If they say
no, be polite, and tell them you understand. If they say yes, be on
your best behavior and be a perfect gentleman.
They say that a man is as good as the woman he’s with. This may be
your opportunity to be a great, young man -- and get a great girl at
the same time!
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
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"soul mate"!
© 2006 April
Masini
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