"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Q: Dear April,
I always thought I would be married with babies by the time I was
30, but now I'm 33 and find myself still single! Making it worse is
that I keep hearing how much more difficult it is to find a husband
after you reach your mid-30s. Oprah even said that a woman like me
has a better chance of being hit by lightening than getting married!
April, please tell me how I can meet the man of my dreams at my age,
or is he just a pipe dream?
From, Hoping for a Hubby
A: Dear Hoping for a Hubby,
First of all, put away that giant metal pole during the next
lightening storm, head indoors, and stop worrying about being struck
by the closest bolt. It ain't gonna happen. But neither is your
dream of finding a hubby if you don't change your attitude—and
quickly!
No matter if the relationship is platonic or romantic, there's one
thing that's sure to send the other person running in the opposite
direction: desperation. And honey, you sound like you have it in
spades.
This is not to say that I don't understand your dilemma, because I
do. And your concerns are based on some pretty sound evidence—just
look at the fact that there are 28 million single women over 35
compared to a mere 18 million men, and that approximately 80% of
women (specifically Caucasian women in the U.S.) are married by the
time they're 30—for proof. Those are some scary stats, especially if
you're ready to settle down.
But being in panic mode is not helping your cause any. So first I
want you—and all of the other women out there just like you—to take
a few deep breaths, calm yourself down, and reevaluate your plan of
action. There is hope for you yet, despite Oprah's words of doom.
Optimism—a strong aphrodisiac
Like I said, the sense of desperation or neediness in another person
is a total turn-off. So the first order of business is to adjust
your perception, and thereby, your attitude.
Instead of looking at the fact that you haven't married yet as a
tragedy, view it for what it really is—an opportunity to make the
right decision. Look back at how much you've grown since your early
twenties, and thank your lucky stars you didn't make a lifelong
decision about your partner way back then.
It's common thought that we experience the most self-growth and
change right around 28 years of age, and it's only now—at 33—that
you're probably really, completely understanding what those changes
were, and who you are...in the fullest sense of the word. If ever
there was a right time to make a decision about who you're going to
spend the rest of your life with, and allow to father your precious
bambinos, now is the time. Count yourself luck that you waited.
The look of love
Men, they're such simple creatures, really. Just like our biology
directs us to "nest", theirs pushes them to spread their seed and
propagate. Gods, cruel joke, I think, that the two are often in
direct opposition. But the sooner we accept what men want and how
they operate, the better. Why? Because we can use this information
to our advantage.
In your case, Hoping for a Hubby, you feel that your age is working
against you, and want to know what you can do to fight back, and win
with men. Well, making sure that you at least look like you're in
prime baby-making condition is a good step. The signs of fertility?
* Long, shiny hair—Short hair may be hip, but long hair subliminally
exudes youth and sex
* Clear skin—Rosy cheeks, and a smooth complexion
* Fit body—Fit meaning relatively slim, not necessarily buff, with a
good waist-to-hip ratio
* Red/Pink Lips—Lip color can fade as we get older, so a pink or
reddish color says youth
* Full Breasts—No explanation needed on this one
While some—if not all of these—seem obvious, and what we all want no
matter what the age, when trying to attract a man (a man who will
become your partner) they're even more important. These qualities,
in particular, say that you're young, you're healthy, and you're in
your child-bearing prime, even if you're just a tad past.
Men may not know why they're drawn to big boobs and long hair, but
now you do. Work it. That means stop spending your dollars on purses
and shoes, and start going to the gym and dermatologist. Just think
of it as an investment in your future.
Strategize
Lastly, Hoping for a Hubby, make sure that you're making decisions
that really, genuinely reflect your desire to find a husband. This
means that you're not wasting your time dating "in-betweeners" (you
know, the guy who you're just biding your time with until Mr. Right
comes along), or guys who are too young to commit, or men who have
no money and could never help support you when you have kids...and
the list goes on. I can't tell you how many great women I know who
say they want the husband, and the house, and the kids, but don't
actually live their lives in a way that's helping them get those
things.
So, your assignment is to take honest assessment of the way you're
living your life, start making whatever changes need to be worked on
to "youthify" your appearance, and try your hardest to have a more
positive attitude. Trust me, it's a foolproof plan that can only
make things better...and one that I think will, within a year, have
you and your hubby-to-be on the road to marital bliss.
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
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