"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Is My Ex's Friend Off Limits?
Don't Date Your Ex's Friend
Q:
Dear April,
I like one of my best friends, Tony. I recently found out that Tony
likes me, too, but the only problem is, he is a close friend with my
ex. Tony is a loyal friend, and I am pretty sure he wouldn't make
any moves because of my ex boyfriend. Except that I really like him!
Tony and I have become really close friends, and I don't want to
spoil the friendship by telling him how I feel. I know he feels the
same way. Any thoughts?
Sincerely,
Love My Ex’s Best Friend
A:
Dear Love My Ex’s Best Friend:
There are more opportunities than ever to date and to meet someone
who is right for you – or who is exactly who you are looking for.
Mr. Right could be right around the corner, or a couple of clicks
away in cyber-dating-space. The point is that dating is a numbers
game, and if you do your homework, which will save you LOADS of time
and money and heartache, you can find the right person for you – the
man you want. Instead, I suspect you’re settle-dating. That’s what I
call people who settle for what they see around them. The girl next
door or the boy next door was the ultimate settle-date.
Don't Settle-Date
Your ex’s best friend is also a settle-date because he’s someone
you’ve known. He’s around. And you didn’t have to do any work to
find him. Now, don’t get me wrong – when things are simple, they can
be good. They can be elegant. They can be much better than
complicating things. But this guy is only easy because he’s there.
He happens to be your ex-boyfriend’s best friend. This complicates
things in two ways:
1. This guy is already a loyal friend. His possible involvement with
you is going to compromise one of his best qualities -- loyalty --
to your ex, with whom he's friends. He’ll be angry at himself and
angry at you if he compromises his loyalty, eventually. So while it
looks easy to hook up with him in the short run, this is a long term
complication.
2. Being with Tony brings you closer to your ex, and I can’t help
wondering if you’re not finished with your ex. If you were, why
would you want to be around him? I mean, if you and Tony become an
item, your ex is going to be in your life because he’s Tony’s best
friend.
Think & Date Like A Man
My number one suggestion is that you buy my book, Think & Date Like
A Man, because this is going to help you a lot. In this book, I’ve
not only spelled out what you have to do to find and get the man you
want, but how to do it. Some, but not all, of the ideas I write
about are:
Knowing what you want in a man is a huge part of finding him. Not
making a decision is a decision in itself! Any time you spend
settle-dating is time you are wasting. So, figure out what you want
before you start dating.
Once you know what you want, understand how men think. I’ve got a
great “Man-Think” quiz in the book, so you can find your Man-Think
IQ, and then brush up on understanding Men 101 – like men will sleep
with you because they can. Not because they like you or love you --
but because you’re willing. Many women mistake a man’s sleeping with
them for emotional commitment. Wrong!
Next you need to understand the fundamentals of dating. It’s a
numbers game. If you package yourself like a well cared for product,
and put yourself out there with your most confident attitude and
your best face (legs, hair, body, skin, clothing, etc.) forward,
you’re going to have lots of dates before you know it – with men
that fit your bill. You won’t have to worry about settle-dating and
complicating a great friendship with Tony or staying in a negative
involvement with your ex by dating his best friend. Yuck.
Freshen up your life with this book, Think & Date Like A Man, and
you’ll be too busy with other men to worry about your ex or his best
friend.
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site,
www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
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