"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Is It Too Late To Fix?
Is It Over?
Q:
Dear April,
I started a relationship doing all the wrong things (not playing by
the rules). I was too available, called him too much, too attentive,
let him know how I felt first (that I liked him), maybe gave too
much information too soon, slept with him a little bit sooner than I
should have.
He has now cooled off
(didn't call me for several days) and I sent him a "final" e-mail
asking if we weren't talking anymore (and told him he was rude for
not even making a courtesy call) and he e-mailed and explained that
he isn't ready for a relationship, that he was sorry for the mixed
messages (he seemed soooo interested in the beginning), and that he
liked me as a person "a lot" and wanted to remain friends. I didn't
respond. He called me that night (I didn't pick up or call back),
and he called me again the next night (last night) -- again I did
not pick up or call back.
Can I turn it around
now that he has cooled off on me? Does this mean that I can now play
the "chase-me game" and win him over? Should I wait till after the
weekend to call him back (which kind of makes me a hypocrite for
being rude and not returning phone calls or e-mails)?
Signed,
Is It Too Late?
A:
Dear Is It Too Late?
I'm afraid that it may be too late for this particular man. The good
news is that you realize what you did wrong. The next piece of good
news is that you're writing to me and not him. The third piece of
good news (I bet you didn't think there'd be this much good news
coming to you!) is that you really do know what you've done wrong.
The bad news is that you're still wanting to do it, and you want me
to tell you to stop it. And unlike you're former date, I'm going to
tell you exactly what you want to hear, but are afraid to listen to,
when you say it to yourself: Stop acting like the man! Did you hear
me? Wait -- I'll yell it this time:
Stop Acting Like The Man If You're Not One!
You were too available. You said it yourself. Now go buy my book,
Think & Date Like A Man, and learn that the more you understand how
men think and behave, the more you can learn from them and be the
woman that you truly are -- underneath all the hype that the
feminist movement lied to women about men and relationships with
them -- the more likely you will be to get the man that you want.
And believe me -- that's how men are thinking about women. If you
read my book and take my "Man Think" quiz, you'll have insight and
tools into the art of men. You'll understand that they do love the
chase. They're historically hunters, and that piece of them still
exists. They are happy to win, and when you're the prize, all the
better.
Don't Be So Available
Don't answer the phone just because it rings. Get an answering
service or an answering machine and use it. Practice restraint. Most
people run to grab the phone, and this just telegraphs the message
that they're home, they're not busy, they're not with anyone else --
and possibly, they're just not that special. If your time is
valuable because you are a rare commodity, you're not going to be
able to pick up every call. And believe me. Your guy is not going to
want to win the party favor that everyone gets just for showing up.
He's going to win the grand prize, so let that prize be you. And if
you're not busy and unavailable, act busy and unavailable!
Don't Return Every Phone Call or E-mail The Same Day - Especially In
The Beginning
Just because he calls and leaves a message or e-mails you or even
IMs you doesn't mean you should return his message that day. In
fact, by waiting a day or two and then returning the message with
grace and charm and warmth, you'll create a much better impact on
him than if you're always there and he can get you whenever he
wants. Men want a bit of a challenge -- that doesn't mean you should
be a contrarian -- but you should give him a little bit of a run for
his money! Remember -- they want to feel that they won, and if you
do call back the next day and he's feeling like, "Yes! She called
back!" You're much more likely to make him want more. And that's
what you want him to want if you want him.
Your first date is not a first interview
So don't give him your resume! It's good to get to know each other,
but you don't have to disclose everyone on the first date -- in
fact, it's not a good idea to recite your autobiography too soon.
Let him get to know you little by little. Don't withhold or disclose
deal breakers -- like the fact that you have a child or you will
only marry someone of a certain religion -- obviously, those are
deal breakers that you should disclose and find out about,
hopefully, before your first date, but if not, then by the first
date.
There is an art to conversation, and the ancient and not so ancient
courtesans understood flirtation as a tool to conversation and how
to engage a man and hook him -- with words! If you're easily
tongue-tied or a regular practitioner of "the pregnant pause" then
read up on the art of conversation and practice with friends,
families and first dates. Be conscious of what you're saying rather
than blurting out things before you've thought about them.
Understand how to flirt and practice flirtation. It's very sexy and
you can find out what kind of sexual chemistry the two of you have
long before any of your clothes come off!
When You Do Go Out With Him, DON'T Sleep With Him Too Soon!
Whether or not you want to believe it, men will sleep with a woman
because they can. So just because he slept with you does not mean
you are in a committed relationship or that he thinks you're special
or that you're the only one he's sleeping with. If you allow
yourself to imagine any of that you're just setting yourself up for
a disappointment.
Do be aware of your sexuality and the sexual chemistry the two of
you have and nourish that so that when you do sleep with him, it's
something he's "won" and is proud of. Make him think of you as the
prize. And don't limit that to the cerebral you! Make your body a
paradise -- make sure that you're as well taken care of you as you
can and enjoy the sex when you do have it. Men love it when you love
sex. They love it when they please you sexually as well as other
ways. Allow him to please you and to take pleasure in your body. But
if you do any of this too soon, you've ruined the effect of your own
respect for your sexuality, your body and sex with you. Remember --
he wants to hunt and capture. Facilitate the hunt!
When He Wants To Be "Just Friends" That's Your Cue To Exit
If he doesn't ask you out, and you're initiating the majority of the
calls and e-mails, you're not hearing him tell you he doesn't want
to be your boyfriend or your future partner. If he says, "Let's just
be friends," and you have any hope of finding a partner of the
opposite sex, take your cue and don't just be friends. Be two people
who tried to make it work and didn't. That means you don't call, you
don't write and you smile and be pleasant when you run into him at a
coffee shop, at work or at a party. And most importantly, you use
the free time you now have to hone your skills as a woman and find
the man you want. If you do what I told you, you'll get him!
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site,
www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
© 2005 April Masini
BRIEF BIO
April Masini is a recognized and award winning producer, author,
columnist, motivational speaker, relationship and success expert—with
politically incorrect twist. Sure to raise eyebrows, generate buzz … and
INSPIRE RESULTS!
Standing 5 feet, 8 inches tall, with a lean 127-pound body, and 38-26-36
proportions, it's not hard to understand why April Masini's impressive
list of accomplishments is not the first thing that pops into a guy's
mind upon meeting her. But April is much more than a blonde bombshell.
Though she started off her career as a model and actress, April has
moved on to become a persuasive public speaker and President/CEO of
Masini Television & Film Enterprises, LLC in Honolulu, and Masini
Enterprises, Inc. in Los Angeles.
On January 26, 2004, April's no-holds-barred advice book, "Date Out of
Your League" hit the stands, causing controversy with her witty,
well-endowed, naughty alter-ego, High Voltage Blonde, her brutally honest,
uncensored advice, and her sometimes politically incorrect message.... But
controversy quickly turned into interest, and then followings, when the
most widely read newspapers, magazines, and Web sites, around the world,
began seeking out April's comments, opinions, and expertise.
In fact, April became so popular that in February, 2004, "Ask April" was
launched simultaneously on two of FORBES Magazine's "Best on the Web"
winners, MillionaireMatch.com, who not only won with FORBES in 2003, but
was also singled out by the WALL STREET JOURNAL; along with
aLoveLinksPlus, who took FORBES top award in 2001 and 2002. Then "Ask
April" jumped the Pacific with MyNippon.com the hugely popular Japanese
site devoted to romance techniques.
When April isn’t writing, this former model/actress is leading seminars,
guest lecturing, or dedicating her time to Masini Enterprises—her
multifaceted television and film production company whose accomplishments
have been recognized, record-breaking, and award winning, with strong
connections to everything from "Baywatch" and "Blue Crush" to "LifeStyles
of the Rich & Famous" and "The Miss Universe Pageant."
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