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Q:
Dear April,
My New Year’s resolution is to lose weight and get in shape – but
I’ve made this resolution for the past five years, and haven’t been
able to keep it. Why?
Signed,
Weighty Problems
A:
Dear Weighty:
Your medical doctor can tell you about your particular weight issues
for your body – and that’s a great place to start to make sure
you’re healthy before you begin a change in diet and exercise.
HOWEVER…. there is more to weight than meets the eye. And what your
medical doctor may not be able to tell you about is the relationship
component to weight changes. People and couples have different
reactions to love and the relationship dynamics that can be
reflected in their weight and weight fluctuations.
Lose in Love
Many people immediately lose weight when they fall in love. The
reason is that love is not just a matter of the heart. It's a matter
of chemistry, and it has been proven and written about by scientists
that different emotions trigger different chemical reactions in
people. These chemical reactions can be the catalyst for behavioral
changes, including eating or not eating, that are reflected in how
people and couples look.
The adrenaline that comes with the excitement of meeting someone
terrific and then getting the feedback from them that is flirting,
dating and romance -- meaning that they really like you -- can cause
many people to stop eating or eat less and get thinner. Very few
people pack on the pounds when they meet someone terrific and are
excited about a new relationship. In fact, it's pretty rare.
In addition, sex burns calories and having regular, vigorous sex can
be an effective exercise work out like no other. So during the
"honeymoon phase" of a relationship, which can last from a few
months to a few years, depending on the couple, sex can cause weight
loss and better bodies -- not to mention the benefits of emotional
intimacy and self-esteem that can be byproducts of relationships.
So, what does this all mean? That you should run out and get a
girlfriend or a boyfriend if you want to lose weight? No. What it
means is that your challenges with your New Year's resolutions may
have to do with your relationship dynamics.
Long-term relationship – weight plateau
The trick is when things become "normal" and the relationship hits a
plateau where everything is ho hum fine. That is when some people
stop being concerned with looking good for "the dating world," and
they stop being concerned about how they look to their partner. This
is when some people start eating more, exercising less, changing
their lifestyle from that "honeymoon phase" to one that includes
that extra slice or two of pizza you have even when you're not
hungry -- just because it's there -- on a regular basis.
The tricks to keeping the pounds off as you add years to your
relationship have a lot to do with your lifestyle and keeping the
sizzle in your sex life which means you will care about how you look
and how you feel.
Some changes in relationships that occur when one person loses a lot
of weight at once:
1. The person who lost the weight may feel like a new person and may
experience new waves of confidence, and as a result, may begin to
act in new ways. This can make a partner feel happy and motivated to
join in or just watch and enjoy. It can also make them feel left
behind.
2. The person who lost a lot of weight may want to shed the old
relationship and start a new one.
3. The person who did not lose the weight in the relationship may
become insecure because there is a change in the status quo of the
relationship, and may start acting needy and/or lashing out and
acting out.
Break up winners and losers
Break ups can trigger both reactions – weight loss and weight gain.
Some people react to despair by losing their appetite. Others numb
their pain by eating, an act that stimulates the senses so that if
you’re heartbroken, you can think about the food and not the love
lost. Other people feel that they are feeding their hurts by feeding
themselves with food. Both reactions are normal and expected.
However, if either one goes on for too long so that your normal,
daily routine is interrupted or you become seriously unhealthy
because of your weight change, you need to seek medical help. But
the good news is that sometimes the weight loss that comes from a
break up can make you feel svelte for the first time in a while, and
can help you rebound from heart ache. Take advantage of this edge by
putting yourself on a healthy diet and exercise routine – and reward
yourself with some new clothes in your new, smaller size!
Give Yourself A Break
If you do find yourself making the same New Year's resolution year
after year -- and you aren't achieving it, you'd do well to make
your 2007 resolution something like, "I'm going to give myself
realistic goals that I can achieve." Then, instead of making your
resolution a weight loss of 25 pounds, you can make it something
more realistic for you -- for instance, I'm only going to eat desert
after meals on weekends. Or, I'm going to switch from soda to water
during the week. You may actually find, by doing this, that you
inadvertently achieve that big weight loss you were hoping for --
without giving yourself such a tough time.
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
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April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
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