"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
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Q:
Dear April,
I’m going to have a roommate in September, and I’m anxious about the
living arrangements. Is there anything I can do to make the
situation better?
Signed, Roommate Candidate
A:
Dear Roommate:
This is the season when lots of people are shacking up – and I don’t
mean in the romantic sense. It’s the start of the new school year,
and college dorms are filling up. Some roommates will have known
each other, and some won’t. Having a roommate is an inevitable rite
of passage like first dates, first pedicures and buying your first
sofa. So let go of any cases of the nerves you’ve got jittering
around and embrace this time in your life.
College Roommate Advice
1. Welcome them.
If you’re starting college and have just been
assigned a new roommate for September, write him or her a brief note
– that doesn’t spill your guts, but offers a “written handshake” in
advance by way of a note. Just say something like, “Just got my
roommate assignment in the mail, and it’s you. Looking forward to a
fun semester together. Call if you’d like, otherwise, I’ll see on
the first day of school.” This is not the time to pour out your life
story in a single spaced four-page letter that includes photos of
you and your ex-boyfriends, your family and your cat. You also don’t
want to go into all your food allergies or the horrible hacking
cough that’s taken you forever to get over. The idea is to keep it
light and stress-less.
2. Respect space.
When you get there, and you realize that it’s not a
mistake – your room assignment is NOT the school broom closet, but
an average sized dorm room, keep what space you have separated. It’s
better if you can co-exist rather than immediately start sharing
everything from shoes to wall space. Keep your posters on your side
of the room, and don’t hog the closet. Don’t blare music or start
burning incense. Manners will get you a long way. If, down the line,
you want to co-mingle your space, do so then, but start out
respectful of space.
3. Expectations.
Your roommate does not have to be your best friend
to be a great roommate. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a roommate who
respects your space, doesn’t snore and keeps the room as clean as
you do. It’s great to invite your roommate to eat meals with you,
but try eating with your own friends or by yourself now and then.
Independence is great and a good practice to set up for starters. If
you do become best friends, great. But if not, you still have a
great roommate.
Suddenly Single Roommate Advice
Eighteen year olds aren’t the only ones cohabitating these days. The
trend that divorce has created is a slew of suddenly single and back
on the market roommates. After being off the dating market for five
to ten years and more, many divorced singles don’t want to live
alone or else can’t afford it, and are enjoying the comfort of
roommies. In addition, some parents who have kids – especially men
who have only weekend custody of their kids – will take on roommates
and even bring their kids in for the weekend.
Some rules that will make life easier for newly divorced roommates
are:
1. Keep your retro-single-dom to yourself. Newly divorced folk are
often at different stages of healing. Some want to let their hair
down for the first time in a decade or more and experience the
freedom of the dating world on full blast and fast track. But not
everyone feels that way. Some people want to just be alone and be
quiet and try to figure out what went wrong – internally. If you’re
a bookworm, therapy intensive healer and you’re living with Mr.
Saturday Night, be prepared for differences and give each other
space and schedules. If one of you is having a lot of sex, try to
have the sex at your date’s house or a hotel instead of yours and
your roommate’s house when possible. If you are having it at your
house, have it in your room (with the door shut and locked), not
common space. Encourage your sleepover dates not to embarrass your
roommate in common space in the morning. Don’t throw wild drinking
and dancing parties at yours and your roommates’ place. Get a room
in a restaurant or a bar. And leave a good tip.
2. Take care of yourself. It’s easy when you’re going through a
transition to act out your feelings on anyone who’s close by and
available. That would be your roommate. Exercise, get out of the
house and take up new hobbies and make friends, and seek medical or
professional help if you’re crying a lot or sleeping a lot or
experiencing changes in weight. Your roommate is not your doctor,
and if he or she is a doctor, they’re not yours. When you share
space, your health does become an influence on your roommate, and it
does affect their own feelings and demeanor.
3. Be kind. Nothing makes a roommate nicer to live with than the
occasional kind gesture. Pick up a burger for your roommate now and
then. Do their dishes once in a while. Give them a little gift –
whether it’s cookies or nice soap or a plant. It’s easy and it’s
kind.
Advice for Movin’ In
With Mom and Dad
And then there are those people who move back in with their parents.
Some of these people are simply magnanimous, being there to take
care of an ailing, aging parent. And in between are the reasons that
include being between jobs, getting "hit" with a bad divorce, and
other temporary reasons for shacking up with mom and pop.
Regardless, you have to live your own life -- and respect your
family's life.
1. Sex. Nobody wants to have sex with you in your parents’ house
while your parents are there, and if you share a house with your
parents, any chance of a real grown up relationship with regular sex
-- is going to involve parents in the house. A bigger sexual turn
off is hard to imagine for most women. So -- don't have sex while
your parents are home -- out of respect for them and your girlfriend
or boyfriend. Have sex at your honey's house or go to a hotel.
2. Money. If money is an issue, make sure that you're chipping in by
contributing to groceries, rent, household expenses -- or in some
way so that your parents don't feel taken advantage of. Believe me
-- housing children in their 30s and 40s is not part of anyone's
expectations when they get pregnant and have children.
3. Food and Common Living Space. Be generous when you can be so that
when you're in a crabby mood, you've made a deposit to your
co-habitation karma bank! If you cook well, cook meals when you can.
If you shop well, stock up on foods the family - or certain family
members like -- when you can. Get a television in your own room so
you're not hogging the family TV. Same with the computer, the daily
newspaper and any other shared items or spaces.
Sincerely,
April
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site,
www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
© 2005-2008 April Masini
BRIEF BIO
April Masini is a recognized and award winning producer, author,
columnist, motivational speaker, relationship and success expert—with
politically incorrect twist. Sure to raise eyebrows, generate buzz … and
INSPIRE RESULTS!
Standing 5 feet, 8 inches tall, with a lean 127-pound body, and 38-26-36
proportions, it's not hard to understand why April Masini's impressive
list of accomplishments is not the first thing that pops into a guy's
mind upon meeting her. But April is much more than a blonde bombshell.
Though she started off her career as a model and actress, April has
moved on to become a persuasive public speaker and President/CEO of
Masini Television & Film Enterprises, LLC in Honolulu, and Masini
Enterprises, Inc. in Los Angeles.
On January 26, 2004, April's no-holds-barred advice book, "Date Out of
Your League" hit the stands, causing controversy with her witty,
well-endowed, naughty alter-ego, High Voltage Blonde, her brutally honest,
uncensored advice, and her sometimes politically incorrect message.... But
controversy quickly turned into interest, and then followings, when the
most widely read newspapers, magazines, and Web sites, around the world,
began seeking out April's comments, opinions, and expertise.
In fact, April became so popular that in February, 2004, "Ask April" was
launched simultaneously on two of FORBES Magazine's "Best on the Web"
winners, MillionaireMatch.com, who not only won with FORBES in 2003, but
was also singled out by the WALL STREET JOURNAL; along with
aLoveLinksPlus, who took FORBES top award in 2001 and 2002. Then "Ask
April" jumped the Pacific with MyNippon.com the hugely popular Japanese
site devoted to romance techniques.
When April isn’t writing, this former model/actress is leading seminars,
guest lecturing, or dedicating her time to Masini Enterprises—her
multifaceted television and film production company whose accomplishments
have been recognized, record-breaking, and award winning, with strong
connections to everything from "Baywatch" and "Blue Crush" to "LifeStyles
of the Rich & Famous" and "The Miss Universe Pageant."
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