"Ask April" Author of the best selling, "Date Out Of Your League" AskApril.com
Read chapters from April Masini's books here
Q: Dear April,
I've wanted to find the right person—the perfect partner—for what
feels like forever now. I go out on a lot of dates, just like everyone
tells me to, but I never really meet anyone who I think is perfect for
me. And even when I do date one person for a while, it just always
seems to fall apart at the end. What am I doing wrong?
Truly,
Romantically Stumped
A: Dear Romantically Stumped,
Whether in my personal life with friends, or my professional life as a
relationship expert, I've been continually amazed by one thing—so many
of the people I speak with, who say they are looking for a romantic
partner, really don't know what—or rather, who—it is they're looking
for. Do you?
Think about it this way: If I gave you five minutes to write a
description of your "perfect partner", would you be able to tell me
what he or she is like? Are they successful? Intelligent? Creative?
Wealthy? Free-spirited? Grounded? Kid-friendly? Independent?
Affectionate? A straight-shooter? Communicative? Sensitive?
If, after your five minutes were up and you still couldn't describe
him or her, I'm here to tell you that you have some serious thinking
to do. Not knowing what qualities are important to you in a mate—what
your deal makers and deal breakers are—is not acceptable, and will
only serve as a hindrance to you in the long run.
In fact, I believe that when it comes to romance, a lack of knowing
what you hold to be important in your partner leads to spending
valuable time, money, and energy pursuing date after date who you
aren't really all that excited about. And while you're out with
"Ms./Mr. Right Now", you're probably spending even more valuable time
and energy wondering why you can't find, meet, and date–the one–the
girl or guy of your dreams.
I argue that the reason you still haven't met him or her is because
you aren't really sure of who he or she is. How to figure it out? As
unromantic as it may be, I suggest you approach dating in much the
same way you would buy a car.
Fords, Ferrari's, and Everything in Between
Very few of us, when purchasing a new car, would just walk onto any
old lot, point at the closest car, and cut a check for it on the spot.
But so many of us treat dating in just that haphazard manner. In fact,
we actually treat buying a car as a more important endeavor than
choosing the person we may spend the rest of our lives with!
So how can the way we purchase a car teach us to find a mate? It's as
easy as 1, 2, 3.
1. Assessment & Analysis—Just like we take assessment of our
lifestyles to determine what type of car would best fit (do you
commute or just need weekend transportation; should it carry all of
your friends or will a sporty two-seater suffice), so too must we take
a hard look at our lives and figure out what type of person will best
serve our needs (do you want someone stable who you can marry, or are
you looking for casual dating fun; should he or she already be
established in their careers, or is passion what's most important to
you, etc.).
2. Refining & Research—Once we get a few ideas of what type of car we
desire, we don't just rush out and buy the first one that we see.
After all, there may be a number of cars that fit our description on
paper, but that doesn't mean they're all right for us. Instead, we
begin to narrow our focus down to the finer points. For instance, we
may want an SUV, but also value good gas mileage. Or we may love the
kick of a sports car, but also need a four-seater. Similarly, you may
know that you want someone who has had past relationship experience,
but can you handle it if they've been married before, or have kids? Or
what if you want someone who has a spiritual belief, but it ends up
not being the same as your own. Is that ok?
3. Deal Making & Breaking—So you've picked your car (the cherry red
one with the convertible top, right?), and are ready to hash it out
over the accessories. You know before even walking into the
salesperson's office what you will and won't accept. Air conditioning
and sunroof? Musts. Seat warmers and leather interior? Ideal. Six CD
changer and navigation system? You could live without. So, too, should
you know your deal makers and deal breakers with prospective mates. If
you absolutely positively know you want to get married, don't waste
your time with someone who tells you they have no interest in the
matter. On the flip side, know where you can compromise, too. Because
when all is said and done, you may be happier than you thought driving
around in that station wagon (as opposed to the hot rod you were
dreaming of) if the right man or woman is sitting by your side.
Ready for even more
bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web
site, www.Ask
April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert
columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget
to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real
"soul mate"!
© 2003 - 2007 April Masini
Making it happen for
you
If you’re ready to get serious about finding a relationship
that will really work for you—but aren’t quite ready to sign up for
an arranged marriage—then my workshops on dating, love, and all
around success might be just what the doctor ordered. Please visit
www.AskApril.com,
and click on “Workshops” for more information. You’ll also find a
ton of other articles, fun, interactive quizzes, and FREE giveaways!
See you there…
500+ Dating Service Reviews
