Asking For A Date At Work: The Rules

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Hi Rob,
A new girl started working at my office about 7 months ago, Shauna. She was very pretty and always seemed upbeat, so I wanted to get to know her a little better. I switched my lunch hour a couple of times to try to chat with her and see what she was like, and since it was a group environment it was casual and so there wasn't any pressure.

Anyway, she seemed really nice so I sent her an email and asked her if she'd like to go out for drinks sometime. She responded by saying she's a bit weary of dating someone from the office, but I said to her since we're on different teams and different floors, we rarely see each other anyway so it's not that big a deal. Shauna worked at a another job part time, so she told me she would check her schedule for next week and get back to me. She did get back to me, and said looks like she'll be busy "for the next few weeks". I took that as "not interested" (I tend to write things off pretty quickly) so I didn't pursue her anymore.

It's been about 6 months since that time. We run into each other a few times, she stops to say hi and we talk casually. I've noticed her staring at me for a few moments before turning away when if go for a coffee break at the same time. I'm not sure if I'm an idiot for thinking this but do you think there is any chance of me asking her out again and her saying yes? She was new at the office at the time and maybe it was too straightforward of me to ask her on a date when I didn't know her that well. Maybe she's warmed up to the idea? I'd appreciate your advice.
Thanks for any help,
B

Hi B,
I think that now she has settled into the job and is more familiar with the office surroundings you have a better chance to ask her out.
She's probably asked around and got some info on you too, so you're chances are better for a flat answer, yes or no.
Start with a coffee after work, avoid alcohol on the first date or outing. That's an important rule!
Keep things casual and no-pressure, you'll do fine.
Best wishes,
Rob

Nothing sets off alarms bells like workplace romances. The rumor mill goes full tilt, everyone knows, or wants to know, something. And keeping the relationship under wraps is next to impossible. Here are the basic rules for workplace romances you should govern yourself by. Note that not all of these rules may apply everywhere.

• Be sure you know your workplace policies about office relationships, and interpersonal fraternization. Some workplaces strictly forbid such extracurricular activities, going so far as offering a workplace dalliance as terms for dismissal. Don't let it cost you your job and career.

• Although the initial "Would you like to go out sometime" question happens at the workplace, try to keep such continuing personal discussions to a minimum. Nothing is more disruptive or attention-getting than an office romance. And nothing will show up quicker on your next personnel review than 'hitting on' co-workers.

• No means No. And leave it at that. If you attempt to change a 'No' into a 'Yes' you may find yourself defending a sexual harassment accusation.

• Do not ask for dates outside of your worker's class or supervisory level. Asking your boss for a date isn't a good idea and a worse idea is asking someone that is under your responsibility. If the attraction is just too obvious that you both have to act on it, someone should change jobs before being forced to.

• Set ground rules that you both will abide by. This should cover conversations, phone calls and all types of non-business contact.

• Never bring a relationship problem or argument into the workplace.

• Do not respond to the inevitable gossip or jealous remarks about your relationship.
   

Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

• Christian Carter's Catch Him and Keep Him
• Rori Raye's Have The Relationship You Want
• Carol Allen's Love is in The Stars

For Men

• David Deangelo's Double Your Dating
• David Wygant Men's Mastery Coaching
• Jesse Charger's Seduction Sciences
• Alex Allman's Revolutionary Sex Tips For Men
• The Dating Wizard's Relationship Mastery Program

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2012 AdviceGeneral.com. This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice General" are for entertainment purposes only. For complete terms and limitations please go to: www.advicegeneral.com

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