Asking Her Out: The Techniques by Ask Rob! The Advice General

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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Hey Rob,
I am 16 years old in high school as a junior, and I have recently fallen for a senior girl that I share a couple classes with. We act moderately flirty toward each other as we pass in the halls, but as we walk to class together and its just me and her, I can't find anything to say to her. I also kind of find myself following her around the school at times.

I don't know what to say or do around her to let her know I'm interested in her without scaring her. I have never been in a relationship before, and I'm not exactly a looker, so I am lacking some confidence about approaching a possible relationship. I don't even know if she's interested in me. I was wondering if you'd be able to drop me a couple hints on what I could do to feel more open around her and get her to like me a bit more without seeming pathetic.

Thanks!
C

Hi C,
You need to relax. Talk with her about the things you have in common, classes, what you watch on TV, how things are going with your home life. Basic stuff like that.
To ask her out, keep it casual. Ask her to go shopping with you to help you find a Thanksgiving Day gift for your parents, or something like that.
Casual and not high pressure.

Dating will come after you've increased your confidence and comfort level around her.
She walks and talks with you, I'm sure she's interested.
Just try harder to be confident around her and work on casual things to talk about with her.
And go shopping.
Or something like the library to work on a project, ask her help and for her to come along.

And, ask your dad for suggestions. I'm sure he has some ideas to help you out and he may even kick in a few bucks so you can take her somewhere. After all, he's been there and done that.

Best wishes,
Rob.

Hello Rob,
I'm a 17 year old guy. I'm in high school and I have been liking this girl (Cxxxxx) for some time.......actually for about two years now.

Here's my problem: I have a low self esteem.

I think this is due to the way I look, because since I was about twelve years old, I started having problems with weight. I'm not excessively overweight, but I am somewhat. I have started to take care of my body, what I eat, and the way I look. I have actually lost some weight in the past few months and it is on my plans to keep doing this until I can feel well with myself again.

Here's where the problem lies, I don't know if I should ask Cxxxxx out now, or if I should wait until I have reached my weight goal and feel comfortable and confident with myself again.

I have honestly seen some of her interest in me. A couple of months ago, out entire class took a trip to Washington D.C., and I honestly say that the last night we were there was the best night I've had with her. Our class went out to eat, Cxxxxx and I decided to sit together, and we had a amazing time. But, I just couldn't find the words to tell her that I like her and ask her if I could get to know her better. It was honestly frustrating. So, we returned to school a week later, and ever since all that happened, for some reason, we have been more apart then ever.

I am very conscious about the way I look, and I know that if I'm not confident with myself, its very hard for me to be outgoing and specially spend time with a girl. I desperately need you help!!
Thanks for you time,
- Jr.

Hi Jr,
If you're working on yourself... and it's working
And you've had some great conversations with this girl... and it's working
Your next move it to take her out somewhere... go shopping... hit the library to find some 'research books' for a project... anything. Don't wait, your chance may not appear again.
DO NOT start off by saying "I like you", that's just too wimpy.
Hang out with her, call her every 3 or 5 days.
Not too often, sometimes tell her to call you.
Expect her to call sometimes then ask her why she didn't call... like she woes you or something!
OK.
Just don't start off by saying "I like you"... you'll scare her away.
You don't want to do that.
Make a list of places to take her to that don't cost anything, are easy to get to and where you can have fun in unexpected places.
Take her to those places.
Ask your parents for suggestions.

And here's a book to read:
The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey

Best wishes,
Rob.

Rob, please help.
I’ve known this girl since we were both kids, as we live in the same street and we both go to the same youth group where she is the youth leader. We’re both 19. I’ve grown to like her a lot, to the stage where I’ve developed feelings for her. I only ever see her once a week at the youth group. At the start of 2005 and nearly every other week I used to catch her staring at me. I could be talking to some people and she’d be in another group in another conversation, and if I was to turn or look around the room I would immediately catch her staring dead straight into my eyes for no apparent reason. Once I caught her she’d look a bit nervous, and look away. Some nights I’ve caught her out and then she does it again two minutes later. One night I was sitting down talking with someone and she was in the row in front and I just happened to look in front and caught her again. This time I held the stare and I smiled, she did too, and then turned back around. This has happened so many other times as well with her.

Whenever we both hold a conversation we are both very shy towards each other, as we’re both shy people, but she always looks me in the eye so much so that I’m just too nervous to hold the contact.

If she is ever walking towards me in the street or mall she looks in my direction then quickly looks away and acts all nervous until we pass, when she does acknowledge me, sometimes acting surprised that she has seen me. Is she trying to avoid me or is she just nervous? Also whenever I make a mistake, be a clutz, make myself look stupid or tell a dumb joke, she’ll laugh.

Does her doing these things mean anything or am I just over reacting and blowing things out of proportion?

I’m just too scared to make a move or anything because I’m afraid of being rejected and making a fool of myself, plus she’d be an 11/10 in the looks dept, where’d I’d only rate myself 5/10 which makes me wonder why she’d be even remotely interested. I’m sort of waiting around for her to give me more of these signs before I do anything, but in the meantime I know that she might just find someone else, maybe for good, then I would loose her for good. How can I get over myself and handle this situation or just ask her out?

Hi,
You sound like a nice guy. Invite her out for a coffee or something after the next youth group meeting.
It's likely she's as experienced as you are in the relationship department, good looking girls are all too often lonely because every guy is afraid of rejection and doesn't ask her out.
Get over yourself and your fears. Read more articles on my site and ask her out for a coffee.
Best wishes,
Rob.

The Techniques of Asking Her Out

It's really not magic to ask a girl out. The trick is breaking the ice and getting her number or email so you can continue conversations away from the first place you met and made contact.

Guys, especially inexperienced and not-so-confident guys, have a hard time understanding that the women are just as nervous. That the girls also have raging hormones and inexperience to guide them on the dating path.

So guys, relax. The worse thing that can happen is that she says no to your number/email question. And you learn something and move on. There's more than one woman in the world.

If you're already on the casual talk level, it's time to ask her out. Don't wait.
A simple thing is the best first non-date type of date: Shopping at the mall, research/home work at the library. Help with volunteer work.
Don't spend a lot of money on this first type of date.
Keep your date short, an hour or two at the most.
Saturday afternoon or Sunday afternoon is the best time.
Let her talk while you walk.
Your attention should be on her, don't check out other girls.
Most important, have fun!

Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

For Men

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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Ask Rob! The Advice General