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All the other women hate you for being beautiful but these are the cards you’ve been dealt. Stop putting hooks out for any fish in the sea. Stop being (so lonely) and available. Start feeling better about yourself as others think you are.
Dear Rob,
I would greatly appreciate if you could help me with this.
I met a guy on a dating site. We met for coffee. He seemed very interested, complimented me on my looks, my personality (to an extent that he could provided we just met), like he said I was nice, seemed bright, ambitions etc. During our date, however, he avoided eye contact. He would look at me while we were talking, but as soon as he established eye contact he would look away. He looked sorta down which was strange. I guess he noticed that I caught that and said “oh, sorry, I can’t help looking at your legs.” But then we established eye contact eventually.
We spend a couple of hours talking. I asked him questions and he seemed to respond in detail, told me stories about his life, etc. but then he’d periodically stop and say “am I boring you?” I’d say “no, keep going, I am interested”
Then he asked if I’d be interested in getting together again. He kinda mumbled, so I couldn’t comprehend what he said, it seemed like something to the affect of seeing each other again. I said I was free on Friday. He said “I guess the question is not when but rather would you like to see me again”. I said, sure.
Friday night we met at this same restaurant we had met for coffee. He wanted to get in his car and go to some other restaurant. I said “I only have an hour and a half. I have to pick up my kids”. He said, so what do you want to do? I said let’s have dinner here. So we did. After we ate and he paid he said, “so, has it been an hour and a half? Do you have to go?” I am like, yes. He walks me to my car and wants to give me a kiss I guess but I sorta gave him my forehead instead. (I know!! Duh!) He says, when do you want to get together again or something to that affect. I started thinking about my next week schedule, but he said “I’ll call you next week”.
That was it. He never called. Two weeks later he e-mailed me complimenting me on the new pictures I posted on that dating site we met at. Here is the e-mail text: “You have more and more pictures that are more and more beautiful. Keep them coming, although it is rather intimidating.” I wrote back “awwww……. Is that why you are not calling? Too intimidating? How are you? Doing anything this Friday?”
He wrote back the next day “You are intimidating. I wish you were a bit warmer or affectionate so I felt more confident. It is not you. however, it is me. I am not used to so beautiful a woman. It is natural I feel this way. Your pictures are something most men dream of but realize they have no hope of obtaining. Please understand. I mean nothing negative.”
I wrote back the next day “I had a nice time on our last date. Even though I'm somewhat reserved and move slow, you're welcome to ask again. If you don't feel comfortable though, then I can respect that as well, but I'd love to see you again if you're interested.”
Did I do the right thing by e-mailing? Do you think he is just not interested and turned me down politely? Or do you think he thinks I don’t like him that way? (I get that a lot, by the way when guys call five days after the date and say “I thought you didn’t like me. I would have called earlier but I didn’t think you liked me”) I am not mean to them or anything, but somewhat aloof on first dates. I know that and I am working on it.
( Off the subject, a while back, I had one guy that I went out with four or five times and then he stopped calling. When we talked again months later, he said “I didn’t see you were interested. I’d would have been there every day”. Granted, he was right. I never even let him kiss me.)
But I am usually not into someone when I first start dating. I am not looking for instant chemistry.
Anyways, the matter in question is: I want another chance with that guy. What do I do?
Should I just give up on him and if he ever calls, go from there? And was it the right thing in the first place to respond to his e-mail? And how should I proceed IF he ever decides to respond to my last e-mail? Last question is out of the norm: Perhaps I should contact him one more time after a couple of weeks (or sooner, or later)? I would like to know HOW I can get him to give me another chance. I will not screw up if I go out with him again.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond. I greatly appreciate it.
I appreciate you taking the time
Last, I would appreciate if you changed the wording of the actual e-mails that I and him exchanged when and if you publish this some place.
Thanks, Susie
Hi Susie,
I have agonized about the answers to your questions.
But my answer is that you have done nothing wrong.
Guys that are intimidated by a woman’s outward appearance are too caught up in how bad they look, the low class that they are from, how awkward it is for them to be with a beautiful woman that is so out of character for them, usually.
Let this guy suffer on what he’s missed by you.
Too many guys just can’t maintain a relationship with a woman that they feel are out of their class (or unentitled to).
Sad really.
A guy has relationship magic when he has a job he likes, he can provide for himself and those that depend on him. He doesn’t have children from another wife/girlfriend that he isn’t supporting. You’ve met a guy ( it seems) that has all the qualities except for being comfortable with who he is.
This is not a guy you’d want to keep. Wussy… looking for compliments where none are warranted. Needing reassurance where none should be given. Not an example of the “positive man” that you need in your life.
I honestly don’t care how good you look, but I am familiar with the issues that beautiful women, who also have brains and a sprig of independence within themselves, have to deal with.
All the other women hate you for this… but these are the cards you’ve been dealt.
Stop putting hooks out for any fish in the sea.
Stop being (so lonely) and available.
Stop allowing a guy that rejects you (which only happened when a guy doesn’t get to go to bed with a beautiful woman within the first couple of dates) to continue to reject you.
You said:
“( Off the subject, a while back, I had one guy that I went out with four or five times and then he stopped calling. When we talked again months later, he said “I didn’t see you were interested. I’d would have been there every day”. Granted, he was right. I never even let him kiss me.)”
And I read into this that you expected certain things from him for you to show attraction toward him… it wasn’t there until after the dating opportunities were gone… his fault, yes likely… did you have anything to do with this? … yes but not in a sexual way. It’s OK to avoid the first kiss for a while. It’s not OK to let the guy droll on and on and keep speaking about himself while you just keep nodding your head and trying to look interested. And it’s even worse for a guy to just let you talk and him not making any effort in the conversation at all.
Men are supposed to know that “active listening” (which means hearing what the woman says and asking relevant questions to keep her talking) is needed to be able to continue towards the next date. If he can’t do this small thing during the first few dates, well, he’s laid out all the groundwork for the next few dates, the next few months, even your lifetime together.
And who wants to deal with that?
I have no problem with you being aloof during a date… as long as, when discovered you have an answer…. “impress me!” or “surprise me” or ask a wild, out there stratosphere question: “You’re the second-to-last guy with viable sperm in the world… all other men are dead… do you kill the other guy or decide that having and sharing some women is better that possibly get killed myself”?
Life is hard for beautiful people.
Men: women everywhere… but no real soul mate.
Women: always a trophy, never a wife and mother possibility.
You need to advance your outlook on men in general. Not looking for a date and hoping for the best date… and instead not looking for a date and begin hoping for the best husband.
I hope this ebook might help… http://www.gethimnkeephim.com/
You’ve been doing nothing wrong but you need more than me to tell you.
Email me anytime,
Best wishes,
Rob
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