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How Will I Know When She Knows I'm Mr. Right

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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ASK ROB!

Dear Rob,
I just started dating a girl I've known a while. We have great conversations, but I can't seem to get her to loosen up, probably because I'm uptight by nature, as well as perfectionist.
Both of us are "good" people, so I'm not looking to score; all I want is a relationship leading to marriage, and I think she's looking for the same.
How do I get her to relax with me?
Thanks.

Hi,
It seems to me that you're actually asking me:
How do I tell that she thinks I'm right for her?
Since you obviously think that she's right for you.

Well, that's not something easily answered but there are telltale signs to look for:
1. When you're together she touches you, in a friendly and intimate way. Small touches to your arm, shoulder, back and leg, when you're walking or sitting together. She doesn't pull back when you try to kiss her goodnight.
2. She plans to be with you, as opposed to planning to spend time with you around her other friends and obligations. She's willing to include you with her shopping plans, spending time with her family and friends.
3. She finds what you do and think interesting and adds to the conversations; she does not change the subject when it's a topic you are passionate or very interested in.
4. She isn't trying to change you by comparing you to previous boyfriends.
5. She's open about discussing her future so you can see how you may, or may not, fit into her plans.

After you've had 5 or 6 dates, if they've all ended positively, then you should feel the time is right to discuss dating exclusively. Then you'll be on a regular dating schedule, usually a couple of times a week, with phone calls and emails regularly throughout the week. Don't get clingy or demanding or possessive. You will reverse any positive aspects of your relationship.
Allow her freedom to be with her friends and family without you.

Don't demand or force sex. Despite current common social mores, sex does not make a relationship, it breaks the relationship when sex is an end upon itself.

Know and understand that not every day, every moment will be perfect or go your way. Have the strength within yourself to see when you are too demanding, too self-absorbed and too un-understandably busy to spend time with her or doing the things she wants to do. Always keep an open mind about being a couple, not just two people dating.

Of course, be sure that you are always at your best presentation. Shower at least once a day and once before any dates. Dental hygiene and cleanliness is a top priority. Keep your hands clean and your fingernails trimmed. Clean and new-ish clothes are a must. Throw out those baggy clothes, those ripped jeans, tattered sweaters. Shoes should always be clean and you should be wearing suitable shoes for the occasion. Sneakers and suits do not go together. Forget what you learned from those 80's and 90's movies.

Best wishes,
Rob


* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *

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