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Ask Rob! The
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Dear Rob,
I just started dating a girl I've known a while. We have great
conversations, but I can't seem to get her to loosen up,
probably because I'm uptight by nature, as well as
perfectionist.
Both of us are "good" people, so I'm not looking to score; all I
want is a relationship leading to marriage, and I think she's
looking for the same.
How do I get her to relax with me?
Thanks.
Hi,
It seems to me that you're actually asking me:
How do I tell that she thinks I'm right for her?
Since you obviously think that she's right for you.
Well, that's not something easily answered but there are
telltale signs to look for:
1. When you're together she touches you, in a friendly and
intimate way. Small touches to your arm, shoulder, back and leg,
when you're walking or sitting together. She doesn't pull back
when you try to kiss her goodnight.
2. She plans to be with you, as opposed to planning to spend
time with you around her other friends and obligations. She's
willing to include you with her shopping plans, spending time
with her family and friends.
3. She finds what you do and think interesting and adds to the
conversations; she does not change the subject when it's a topic
you are passionate or very interested in.
4. She isn't trying to change you by comparing you to previous
boyfriends.
5. She's open about discussing her future so you can see how you
may, or may not, fit into her plans.
After you've had 5 or 6 dates, if they've all ended positively,
then you should feel the time is right to discuss dating
exclusively. Then you'll be on a regular dating schedule,
usually a couple of times a week, with phone calls and emails
regularly throughout the week. Don't get clingy or demanding or
possessive. You will reverse any positive aspects of your
relationship.
Allow her freedom to be with her friends and family without you.
Don't demand or force sex. Despite current common social mores,
sex does not make a relationship, it breaks the relationship
when sex is an end upon itself.
Know and understand that not every day, every moment will be
perfect or go your way. Have the strength within yourself to see
when you are too demanding, too self-absorbed and too
un-understandably busy to spend time with her or doing the
things she wants to do. Always keep an open mind about being a
couple, not just two people dating.
Of course, be sure that you are always at your best
presentation. Shower at least once a day and once before any
dates. Dental hygiene and cleanliness is a top priority. Keep
your hands clean and your fingernails trimmed. Clean and new-ish
clothes are a must. Throw out those baggy clothes, those ripped
jeans, tattered sweaters. Shoes should always be clean and you
should be wearing suitable shoes for the occasion. Sneakers and
suits do not go together. Forget what you learned from those
80's and 90's movies.
Best wishes,
Rob
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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