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Ask Rob! The
Advice General
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When she's 'confused' about her feelings
for you don't chase after her. Give her space and time to come back
to you. It'll be hard but you'll save yourself the anger of a later
breakup when you've wussied out and chased her hard.
Dear
Rob,
Noticing the type of advice that you give, I had to ask you some
question about a 3.5 year relationship, that officially came to a
conclusive a couple months ago.
Mutually, we felt as though there were things that I did wrong
(jealousy, poor treatment, and getting too upset or angry,
overanalyzing, etc) that may have accumulated over the years.
However, there were times towards the end the relationship when she
began to act differently and not as happy with talking to me or
seeing me. An important fact, however, is that she currently
attending graduate school. She claims that her limited time to see
me, coupled with the accumulated discomfort that she felt for me, is
what ultimately ended matters between us. Right now, she wants to be
alone, hang out with her friends, and as she claims, "do her thing."
However, she still claims to love me! Anytime I mention the idea of
her going out and dating so she can find someone, she tells me that
she has not met the man that can equate to me yet. She doesn't see
anyone out there for her that can match up to me.
She also stated on occasion that there are times when she's unhappy
being without me ever since we split up. She says this is not
necessarily a permanent situation. She wants to take some time to
see how we get along under these conditions and see if anything
changes between us. I have tried to back off and act as if I don't
care either way about getting back with her, but she has
consistently managed to reel me in (me becoming a WUSSY) with
flirting, seduction, and loving gestures such as wishing that I
would cuddle with her. She sees reactions from other girls aimed at
me and she makes comments such as, "I'm hotter than them. Sorry!"
Or, "I think she wants you."
Bottom line, I want her back, but feel as though I need to keep that
notion internal as much as possible. I've also told her that I am
confused as to the logic behind her flirtation. Her response, "If
you don't like it, I won't do it anymore." She is definitely playing
games. I feel I need to let her come to me and continue to play hard
ball, but it's getting difficult to stay so disciplined.
She seems confused over her feelings about me. My best friend
suggested that I take her out for the weekend one of this upcoming
weekends for diner, a movie, and then a hotel room. Just spend the
whole weekend with her to bury the hatchet and indirectly attempt to
clean the slate.
Recently, I ran the idea past her, and she immediately expressed a
solid interest in that idea, but I also told her that I don't know
about the sex part. I told her I don't know about that because I do
not want to add to her confusion in regards to how she perceives me
(wanting me back or not wanting me back). What do you think about
the leisurely weekend time with her and my thoughts about the sex
situation? Should that weekend even happen?
What can I do to change this whole scenario? I do want her back.
That's the truth. I don't think I should let her know that I want
her back though - just keep it casual I admit that I have been wuss
in the past, telling her that I want her back. Big no no. Still, she
seems attracted to me, still wants to have sex with me, and claims
to still have feelings for me. I have acted like a wuss in the past
couple months, but now I'm attempting to turn that around. Can I get
this girl back again with an "I don't care either way" approach? If
so, what do you suggest would be a good plan for me to do that? Do I
pay her any mind? Do you conceivably see a future once again for us?
Joe
Hi Joe,
Sorry to tell you but you've been downgraded from boyfriend to
plaything. Sure, she still has feelings for you, but she's dumped
you so she can explore if it's possible for her to have feelings for
different guys too.
The weekend you're planning could be a good thing but most likely I
see a big expense, a little pleasure and nothing being resolved.
If you want to turn this relationship around it's time for you to be
the single guy she at first wanted you to be... and that means doing
things without her watching over your shoulder, without her hanging
around with you and your friends.
What you need to know about long term relationships that break up
out of confusion, lost interest and maturing personalities is that
they are a hard habit to break. Couples remain friendly and
comfortable with each other after this type of breakup, but deep
down the person that initiated the breakup is dissatisfied with
their lives and looking for something (and someone) new and
exciting.
And they keep you in the wings, waiting for them to come back to
you, until they do find that something new because they don't have
to fully feel the loss of your relationship while you're still
around.
It's time for you to give her the gift of missing you. Move on with
your life and let her decide if her feelings for you is as strong as
it once was as she is missing you.
Catch up with her in a couple of months. But do not wait as a wussy
single guy pining away for his lost love. Get out there and date
other women.
Now!
Best wishes,
Rob
*
Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to
help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated
as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the
best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone
that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental.
And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2007 AdviceGeneral.com. If you
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