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My Cheating Fantasy

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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ASK ROB!

Flirting and enjoying a person's company is a far cry from falling for him and wondering what life would be if you were a couple, if he divorced his wife. Don't go there!

Dear Rob,

Ok here it goes.

I have known and worked with this man for 13 years.

He is married. We were friends and have this huge connection.

Over the years he has expressed feelings for me and I to him but I have made it clear that we cant be lovers until he leaves his wife.

He accepted that, but said he was afraid.

He is 51 and I am 36. He loves women, flirts madly all the time with all women. They seem to make him feel good about himself.

He never flirts with me. Just when we are out of the work context on a staff night out, he ignores them all and comes for me.

I kept turning him down.

This guy is a pretty straight talker and others see the cracks in his marriage, but I had a father who cheated on my mother, so find it hard to trust without evidence or actions.

Anyway, this went on and on, us acting like colleagues, then this conversation happens on nights out.

Until last year.

Last year, I accused him of ignoring me on a night out. He went berserk, said it was always his fault, would not talk to me for months.

Then we had another night out and we were ok, but out of the blue he started to run down how I looked. His eyes were black.

I asked him why he said it, when he knew I loved him and he told me to say that to him in work, once and for all, sober.

I didn't cause he had hurt me and being honest, I don't show emotion, I am terrified of being close to anyone and I suppose the truth was, I just pretended nothing happened.

About a week afterwards, he came into my office and made small talk, made a big attempt to look upset, then as I left he said 'is that it then?' After that he ignored me, shunned me etc.

We parted due to work for three months. Just beforehand I rang him to say take it ok over summer, because I love him.

He was ok but distant and sounded a little upset..but basically cold.

We met up again recently, working together, I made an effort, he was cautious which was to be expected, but generally we got on better than we have done in years.

Then during the week I got dressed up for a meeting, not sexy now, jumper and stuff, but I usually down myself and he would not look at me.

I mean, he tried to ignore me and when I forced the issue he actually turned away from me.

The next day I passed him and he looked at me, then ignored me and started chatting up this foreign girl..I mean big time.

I showed I was upset but accepted he probably has moved on.

Made no inroads on him. Now he runs away from me when he sees me.

What is going on?

The last detail is that he accused me of worrying too much what people thought the night he insulted how I looked.

The day before I dressed for meeting, he came into the lunch room, saw me, sat next to me but ran off. So I thought he would feel awkward if I stayed so I left. After that he seemed hurt and nasty.

Thanks,
Diana

Hi Diana,
You’ve invested too much of yourself into this married man.

You tell me that you’ve been stung by a cheater because of what your dad did to your mother but you’re doing exactly what you said you don’t want to do!

Just because there hasn’t been any sex doesn’t mean you’re not cheating in your heart, in your fantasies.

Move on from him, I’d think you’d see past his little mind games and be able to maturely move on with your life.

If you were my sister I’d be writing online profiles for you to post of yourself on some online dating services.

Seriously, you need to move on from this stage of your life.

You have a big heart but refuse to love only what you deny yourself. That isn’t healthy or wise.

Please find a place in your heart to offer yourself to a better suited man in your life.
The next step is yours.
Best wishes,
Rob
 

 

Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

For Men

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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