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Ask Rob! The
Advice General
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There is a time to end
a relationship. And when the reason is right in front of you, do it!
Hey
Rob,
My name's Diana.
Me and my first love got back together after being apart for 4
years. He cheated on me. We got back together about 2 months ago.
He's cheated on me again with his ex-girlfriend. He told me so many
lies about him not wanting her, her not meaning anything, and all
the other bullsh*t. He still tries to get back with me, saying that
he loves me and that it won't happen again.
He said that when him and her were having sex he stopped it, and
told her that it was all about me. I know that has to be bullsh*t
for real. What guy would stop having sex?
He told me that he told her that he loved me, blah blah blah. But,
he cheated on me. He lied to me more than 15 times, telling me that
nothing was going on and that he would never do me like he did in
the past.
He basically did the same thing. When we first started talking I was
only 14 years old. He said that he cheated because I was young and
we couldn't spend time together, and he could have went to jail.
But, why would he talk to me?? He is basically a piece of crap and I
want him out of my system terribly. Yet, even though he did that to
me, I'm still in love with the trick. I don't understand why. Please
give me some advice (Maybe God can speak through you!).
Thanks,
Diana
Hi Diana,
I hate to be the one to break the news but you've been used and used
badly.
And you keep coming back for more.
Let's look at what you told me:
- You were 14 when you started dating this guy. Obviously he's
older, maybe by more than a couple of years. He may even been a
statutory rapist for all I know.
- Whenever he had the chance, when you weren't available for what he
wanted, he found a girl that he could get what he wanted from. He
not only cheated on you but he cheated on these other girls too.
- He never took your relationship seriously but he does know how to
manipulate you into getting what he wants.
- He knows how to lie to you, to apologize to you and to get you in
a frenzy enough that you want him back no matter what he's done.
Now let's look at what I read between the lines:
- You're not old enough and you're not responsible enough to make
any right choices that affect the rest of your life.
- You think that you're following your heart but you're only
following the emotions of the moment that blind you to the reality
of what's really happening.
- You're willing to give yourself justification by forgiving him
because you think it's right but you don't actually see how he is
manipulating you.
- You know that this is a bad relationship and you also know that
your parents wouldn't like it so you hide this from them, likely
lying about what's going on in your life.
- I'll even bet that the majority of your friends don't like this
guy and you've probably even lost friends by putting this guy first.
What you need to know about guys:
Guys think logically. 2 + 2 equals 4. Red and yellow mix up to make
green. Lies are allowed until caught and then you can probably talk
yourself out of trouble by throwing in the words "love, forgive, it
won't happen again, it's not a big deal, she didn't mean anything"
and such.
Guy's can sense when they can manipulate girls. And they'll do it as
often as they can get away with it. They know that a 'girl in love'
will forgive time and time again because the girl is such an
emotional cripple around him that he can say almost anything,
promise anything and get forgiveness and another opportunity.
What you need to do:
Understand that you're not going to think logically about this. Your
emotions will dictate your responses every time the guy comes around
and that's not a good thing. You've got to step back a minute and
look at this logically. Put your emotions in check. Realize that
you're being used, being played and being kept at a disadvantage in
this relationship.
You need to cut yourself off from this guy. No more contact. Hang
out with friends your own age and stop being such a doormat for this
guy.
Grow up, stay single and learn about yourself before you share
yourself with another, any, guy. Give yourself at least the next 12
months off from dating or any serious involvements.
You wanted advice? You've got it.
And for goodness sakes talk to your parents about your life.
Letting crap like this happen to you then needing advice from a
stranger online can't have been your only option here. I'm glad to
be able to offer you advice but you've got to talk this out with
someone closer to you (just not him!).
Best wishes,
Rob.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2012 AdviceGeneral.com.
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice
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