Ask your question at www.advicegeneral.com
If all your ex is doing is using you for a shoulder to cry on, and you allow this to happen, who's fault is it? There comes a time when a breakup has to be a complete, 'end of communication' breakup.
Dear Rob,
My ex and I broke up before I moved to Maryland.
We was going to pick things back up when she moved to Washington to go to college, but she ended up talking to a past love interest, and after seeing him she decided we weren't meant for each other, and we should try and find other people. I tried to talk to her about her decision, and she kept telling me different reasons on why we can't workout, and she admitted that she doesn't even know.
My ex makes the effort to try and make me jealous, it's quite obvious. Every time she talks to me, she talks about the other guy and how he tells her she's so beautiful, and wants to show her off to his friends.
Myspace allows it's users to update their current status, and mood, and every time I update my status and mood she'll do it too, and she'll always mention something about the guy.
I called her twice, but she didn't pick up, she then sent me a text saying she was talking to the other guy, and I'm like why would you even say that? Why don't you just say you're on the phone? When I accused her of using the guy to make me jealous, she got angry with me, and told me she wasn't sweatin him like that, and that's something little kids do, and throughout our relationship I've noticed whenever I accused her of something, and she gets mad for it it's normally because I'm right, and my mom used to tell me as a kid if I got mad over a name someone called me, it's just showing them that they're right because you wouldn't get mad over something that's not true, and I believe that wholeheartedly.
My ex texted me New Years Eve at around 11 going on 12 at night, to say hi. I asked if she was ok since I saw on her myspace she said she wished she had a book with all the answers, and she was confused.
She said she'll be ok and she can handle it, and if she can't she won't die from it, so I asked if she wanted to talk and she said no she was just textin me, and I told her I was glad she thought about me enough to text me, and I'm sorry to hear she's down, and she said thanks.
I then asked her if she can talk to me sometime next week, and she never said anything back. I asked if it was ok with her, but I never received a text I had a dream that night she was angry for not talking to her and spending time with her, and when I got up the next morning I realized she took me off of her friend's list. I sent her a message explaining my actions, and I told her if she wanted to keep me off of her friend's list that's fine, and she has ways to contact me if she needed too, but before I sent that message I texted her asking to talk to her, and she called me an hour later telling me if I still wanted to talk, and I told her I sent her a message and she can read it and she said she will, and she said she want to ask me something but can't because there too many people in the car so she'll text me, and I said ok.
She sent me a text asking me what could be wrong if she's on her period even though she already had it.
I asked a series of questions, and I eventually asked her when was the last time she had sex, and she said the day before yesterday, and I asked if she used protection, and she said she didn't want to go into detail with me, and she changed the subject, but I told her I needed to know in order to help her, and after a while she texted me saying the guy wore something, but he took it off.
I honestly believe she didn't want to tell me that she had unprotected sex, I told her it was nothing serious, and she could be going through stress, and she said ok and thanks. I told her if she's going to have sex to make sure the guy wears a condom, and if she's going to have sex without protection to at least make sure the guy is clean, but she didn't reply back to the text and to be honest she really don't know that guy real well, she's only spent like 3-4 days with him.
They started talking on myspace about a year ago, and when I came into the picture she stopped talking to him, and she said it was mainly because he wouldn't call or text her anymore, and when he finally did she was already with me.
Throughout the relationship she would get angry because he would text her saying he loved her and he missed her, and she used to hate it, and when we broke up she sent him a message asking if he still felt that way and he said yeah, she told him she liked him and wanted to be friends for now, but possibly more in the future, and when I heard about it I told her she can't go from one dude to the next, I asked her if she liked him she said no, and I asked her if she wanted to be with him and she said no, but she got angry at me for asking her but the thing is that she would say she like him one day and don't the next I told her she needed to take some time off to evaluate her feelings but that obviously didn't happen, and that same day he came to visit they spent time together and they kissed, she told me I was a better kisser though.
She called me late that night on the way back to her house (she spent all day hanging out with that guy), and she was just going on and on about this dude and how he thinks she's beautiful, and wants to show her off, and she asked me if I don't mind talking about him, and I asked her why would I mind, but she didn't answer my question and kept talking about the guy and his family and friends.
She told me they were going to a basketball game the next day and what not. She then started talking about her family. The call dropped and I called her back she told me that since she was in the country she gets bad reception and she will have to call me later, and I said ok, and we hung up. I think this girl is really trying to make me jealous. Like a week after we broke up she started seeing this guy, I refer to him as her boyfriend, but they are not together, and I know she won't correct me especially since she's trying to make me jealous.
I asked her when I was being a wussy if she wanted me to fight for her, and she said that's my decision, and I'm thinking why have a guy you don't love and want to be with fight for you when you know you don't want him. I told her I gave up on trying to make things work between us, and I was gonna focus on my life, and me, but she never said anything to me.
All I know is she goes out of her way to make it seem like she's really happy, and she has found someone else, and I personally wouldn't go through the effort if I don't want my ex back, and don't love her. What do you think? Sorry I know it's a little long.
Hi John,
She doesn't want you back, she wants to play with you a little
longer, just so she can prove her own insecurities don't matter.
I think she has low self-esteem and is looking for a way to feel better about herself, even if it means doing thing she shouldn't.
She talks to you about this other guy, about all the things she does with him (even if she says she doesn't want to go into details) about the things he says about her, just so she can try to feel something inside. But she doesn't have a good emotional compass, so she gets lost while trying to feel how others think she should feel.
And it's this confusion, this need for explanation that she brings to you... just like you are her close girlfriend.
Because that is what you are, the person she can take her problems to and get some understanding, all the while rubbing your face in the fact that you have broken up.
I don't think you should spend another minute, another second, being her girlfriend any longer.
But only is she just using you emotionally, she's blackmailing you into listening to her, in the long-shot chance that you'll end up dating her again, this mess of a woman.
It's time you behaved like a real man and told her that she has made her decision, no go live with it.
And end all communication with her. No phone calls, no texts, no messages on MySpace or anything else.
If this really is just a jealousy game, you'll win within a week or
two.
If she really has made her mind up to sleep with a guy she's only
met face to face for 4 days, well, then, it's her life to ruin.
And she's doing a mighty fine job of it too.
Let her go.
Don't talk to her any more.
Stop "being there" for her when she really doesn't care who she talks to, so long as she can go into intimate details about what she's doing. Stop being her "safe place", her "girlfriend".
She doesn't want you back, she hasn't fully lost you yet to be able to need to make the decision about the two of you.
Dump her completely.
That's what I think.
Best Wishes,
Rob.
People that read this article also read:
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
- Christian Carter's Catch Him and Keep Him
- Rori Raye's Have The Relationship You Want
- Carol Allen's Love is in The Stars
For Men
- David Deangelo's Double Your Dating
- David Wygant Men's Mastery Coaching
- Jesse Charger's Seduction Sciences
- Alex Allman's Revolutionary Sex Tips For Men
- The Dating Wizard's Relationship Mastery Program
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2010 AdviceGeneral.com.
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice
General" are for entertainment purposes only. For complete terms and
limitations please go to: www.advicegeneral.com
