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Hi Rob,
I've been dating this guy for almost 2 months now, and
everything seemed to be going great. I've always had commitment
issues with guys before, but with him it's different. I feel
really comfortable with him and he's always showing his
affection for me, whether with words, sweet kisses, or romantic
gestures. Which is why I didn't see it coming, and I was
blindsided when he broke up with me yesterday.
I left without hearing him out because it was too surreal to
actually comprehend right then and there. But he invited me for
dinner and instead of eating, we talked about how he was
wavering whether or not we should still be dating and when the
words finally came out, I slammed the door in his face.
I went home very upset, and kept asking myself if that actually
happened...I even thought it could be a joke because it arose
from nowhere. Luckily, I don't cry over boys.
I called him that night and he tried to explain. It hardly made
sense but it had to do with wanting more. He wanted deep
conversations with me... to be able to talk. The problem is he
never tried to talk to me, when that's all I tried to do with
him. He was oblivious to my efforts. I told him that I wanted
the same things, and he explained that it wasn't just that, but
he felt like his world revolved around me and he was scared of
either of us falling harder and 3 months from now he'd have to
hurt me even more. I was upset about all of this, seeing as how
that wasn't even an issue with the present.
We talked and it ended up being that I said everything he wanted
to hear from me, and that he made a horrible mistake. But I
can't help but feeling like I convinced him to stay with me,
even though he insists he never stopped liking/loving me. He
says he's calm and at peace with our relationship now and that
it's all issues with himself.
I really like him, and I really loved the relationship before
this happened, but it's just different now. I can't help but
think that he doesn't really want to be with me, and my question
to you is, should I just wait until the next time he breaks up
with me, or just do it myself?
Sincerely,
Dazed and Confused
Hi Dazed and Confused,
Despite saying that the two
of you were 'dating', it's obvious to me that you were really
just 'spending time together'.
If he has commitment issues, which also is obvious, why stick it
out in the hopes that he'll change. He's now tried the first
breakup, so he'll get you to surrender your good judgment in the
future, and stick through his other issues as they present
themselves all the while being able to say "But you know I have
issues". And he'll threaten to break up again, or worse, just
say out of the blue again "This isn't working I want to break
up".
Do yourself a favor, write a to-the-point breakup letter and
wrap it in pages you've ripped out of the "Counseling" section
of the Yellow Pages.
Best wishes,
Rob.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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