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Ask Rob! The
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Hey Rob,
Some months ago I got dumped by my girlfriend (we were closed to
getting married after five years of living together) for a skinny
ugly but rich and charming man twice my age. I was devastated for
the months that followed, but when I started visiting your home page
and read lots of your advice, I started to feel much better about my
predicament. In fact my whole way of thinking (which was rather
narrow and stereotypical I hate to admit) changed due to your
advice.
I have now fully gained back my confidence and self esteem to the
point where I can almost date any women I like. Almost being the key
word here…….. I have fallen in love, and deeply I must say, to a
cute girl from my job at a big time luxury hotel.
I
have showed her how much I like her by courting her with quite some
ways e.g. joke/innuendo/compliment/tease combos, body language, etc.
After a few days of the above mentioned behavior which she really
seemed to enjoy (she laughed, giggled, and smiled the whole time and
generally responded in a very positive way) I gave her my phone
number and told her to let me know if she’d like to come to work by
car with me, since she lives close to me. Her response was a pause
followed by a sly smile and tons of thank you for thinking like
that.
I
didn’t ask for her phone number since I didn’t want to put any
pressure on her, but made a really strong pass on her, and judging
from her smiles and responses I was almost sure that a touchdown was
imminent. To my surprise she never phoned me, and I have the feeling
that she is avoiding me. Whenever she is around me she looks very
nervous and anxious about something, ignores me, and doesn’t respond
to my courting anymore. All she does is greeting me politely and off
she goes. WHAT HAPPENED?
I am
28, ok looking, well educated and have experience with women, but my
being in love is clouding my ability to feel what happened!
Did I
intimidate her? Did she just play with me? Doesn’t she like me the
way I do? I don’t know, Rob, help out please!
Mr. P
P.S. I forgot to mention that I am her supervisor, and her uncle is
my boss who by the way really likes me. She’s 25 and pretty so she’s
had experience with men.
Hi
Mr. P,
Let me tell you a story.
There was this guy that wanted to surf.
He bought books and did a lot of research about surfing. He learned
all he could about the sport. Types of boards, locations that are
good for surfing. Styles of clothes to wear. Everything surf-related
that he could find he read or watched or did.
When he was ready he went and bought the best surf board he could
afford.
He headed to the beach, waxed up his board, then went into the ocean
and waited for the big wave to take him away.
Mr. P, you are that guy, sitting in the ocean, waiting for the big
wave to come and take you away.
You've done everything. Except you didn't go and catch that wave.
You're sitting there, legs dangling in the ocean, waiting for the
wave to come and get you.
Mr. P, you've flirted, you've complimented, you've shown your
interest. Then, instead of closing the deal and catching the wave,
you gave her your number and now you sit, waiting for her to call
you.
Big mistake.
She knows that there are a lot of surfers waiting to catch her wave.
She doesn't need to go and get the surfer. She doesn't need to call
you, you need to call her.
It's really stupid to lay all that groundwork then back off by
giving her your number and waiting for her to call. You should have
gotten her number, not wussied out and given her your number and
waited. You should have gotten her number and asked her for a date.
She looks nervous around you because she shouldn't have to make the
next step. She doesn't call you for a date, you call her. That's
what she knows. It likely seems to her that all your courting, as
you call it, was simply a put-on because you failed to close. And
now, every moment you see her, that feeling of lost interest is
being reinforced because, continually, you are failing to close.
She likes you, or at least she did, but now she's losing interest
because you backed off at the critical moment of getting her number.
The next time you see her, you get her number and say that you'll
call her later that same night to make a date with her. And leave it
at that until you call her.
Your call to her will be short, just a couple of minutes long, to
tell her when you'll pick her up. The date should be no more than
two days later. Plan something fun to do, not a dinner or anything
like that. Build the momentum of dating by starting with fun things
you can do together. Maybe your third date can be a dinner. No
pressure, right?
The other thing I'd be concerned about is that you're in a family
business, dating your boss's niece. Be sure you aren't going against
any company policies by dating another employee, especially one that
you supervise. You may want to clarify dating her with her uncle
because of this, I don't know the situation.
Stop waiting for the wave to come and get you, make it happen. Swim
out to that wave and make things happen!
Best wishes,
Rob.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2010 AdviceGeneral.com.
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice
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