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What To Do About The Guy That Stares

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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You're not sure if he wants you to approach him first. Maybe he's trying to get the courage to make the first move. You need to be aware of these possible mistakes you might make.

 

Hi Rob,

I was wondering that if a guy watches me, unexpectedly shows up, nearly everywhere near me and starts conversation with anyone but me, did he just like being near me?, Or did he expect me to approach him? Or was he working up to talk to me?

I waited for him to speak to me and returned his glances (he would nervously look away). But after a few weeks, he began going way way out of his way to avoid me and trying not to look at me. Though he fails at it sometimes, and stares, when he thinks I don’t see him.

Is it possible he changed his mind and decided not to pursue because I did not approach him? And/or could he be a shy player and realized the getting with me was not easy, and, unbeknown to others, have a girlfriend or wife, so was not looking for anything serious or would make him feel guilty? and now he is still lusting when he stares?

Is the best thing for me is to forget about him?

By the way, I read your column, both the archives and the recent. and appreciate your insight.
Thanks
Sherri

Hi Sherri,
This “staring approach” is a method used by guys since the dawn of time to challenge a girl to approach him first, saving him the fear of rejection.

He stares, he appears where you are, and he shuffles into place beside you even if he was only moments ago across the room.

These are all efforts for him to “build up” the courage to introduce himself or say that witty remark floating around inside his head.

But, of course, because he is so afraid of being turned down that he decides to say nothing at all.

The next time he comes within earshot say this to him “I see you staring a lot at the girl that sits next to me, do you want an introduction?”

This opener provides him the opportunity to:

a) Confess that it’s you he’s interested

b) Agree with you and ask for the introduction (knowing that he is blowing this fantastic opportunity with you)

c) Mumble, stutter and make a quick exit with his tail between his legs

Ultimately he has to be the one to provide ‘follow-through” or he will never get the courage to talk with you, date you, etc.

Never allow a guy to progress from the starting approach into anything more if it's you that did all the work. If he doesn’t have the balls to finally say something to you, you’ll have to help, push and cajole throughout your whole relationship and which will still end in a broken heart.

Best Wishes,
Rob.
 

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Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

For Men

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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