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Ask Rob! The
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When you understand the games guys play
you'll be better equipped to handle your responses.
Dear
Rob,
There are three men of interest.
Guy #1, is a workmate who I sporadically interact with due to work.
He used to draw attention to himself by talking loudly or being
animated. We would talk mainly about work related stuff and
sometimes joke around. He now, ignores me to such an extreme. He
pretends he doesn't see me though our paths cross.
Guy #2, is a friend who has admitted to others that he finds me
attractive. He has dated two of my friends in the past who he has
also told that he had liked me. He and I are friends that hang out
on occasion and just have a good time. It has never progressed to
anything more...for two reasons, I don't feel an attraction for him
and he's dated two of my friends. He, also, has gone out of his way
to ignore me to the point of being rude. He has never actually asked
me out; thus, I never had to turn him down. When he's in a bad mood
he'll ignore me even after I greet him and we make eye contact.
Guy#3, He has hinted at having an attraction for me and has hinted
at going to dinner; however, never quite asking. He was doing an
athletic event and asked if I could come along to help out. I, of
course, agreed. After the event, he kissed me and asked if I wanted
to go to dinner. After dinner we parted with another kiss. We met up
in the evening again for part two of the event, another kiss. The
next couple of days were very nice with lots of compliments and
attention. Then one day, it stopped. Now, he is acting very odd, as
though I make him uncomfortable. He ignores me even when it is
obvious he sees me but we train together twice a week and on these
days he is flirts with me and puts his hands around my waist.
Sorry for it being so long....what I want to know is what is with
the ignoring? Is it something I am doing?
Martha
Hi Martha,
I'm going to start my reply by assuming a couple of things:
I think you're a great looking girl, probably a 9 or a 10 in the
looks department.
I bet you don't have many successful dates because you don't put up
with insincerity, immaturity and general childishness in guys.
You
are turned off by the wussy-type guy that tries too hard to please
you, tries too hard to be funny.... the idiotic things that some
guys to to get a girl's interest.
I also bet that you wait for the guy to make the first move on you,
asking for dates, suggesting things to do, etc., and half the time
you're too busy with other things to accept the date ideas or take
them to heart. You unintentionally shoot the guy own.
If you have the power to intimidate guys, through your good looks or
bright attitude, they will pull shy after feeling shot down and
start playing the ignore game after just the briefest of encounters.
These
wimpy guys are centered on ownership. They want to control and own
you and when you can show them that you are your own person they run
scared because they don't know how to deal with a successful, good
looking, assertive woman.
They
are children dating in an MTV world, not able to work through their
feelings or interactions in real life when what they do doesn't
resemble a stupid TV show. These guys haven't learned the slightest
clues about dating and being a man around a woman.
Now then:
Guy #1
This is a guy that practices comedy to attract women and closes up
shop when he doesn't get the responses he wants. He's a fool. He
wants to control but will not break out of the mold of
self-importance to accept the fact that other people have thoughts
and feelings too, that others sometimes don't think of him being so
important. This is why he now ignores you.
The next time he walks by you say to him "You were funnier when you
could talk to me". And let him fumble his response.
Likely he'll think of you a bitch, but at least then he's making a
stand for his feelings of you. And you'll get some closure from this
jerk.
Guy #2
He has dated your friends only to get closer to you and try to date
you. Now he knows that you're in a league far above him and he's
playing the hurt puppy knowing that he'll never have you.
I'd point-blank ask him if he knows of any single guys that might
want to date you. His response will confirm what I've told you.
Guy #3
He's too scared to fail with you, so he's decided not to get his
feelings hurt by your possible rejection. Likely you've confided in
him about the other losers you've dated and he saw himself in what
you said.
He may be a wuss that doesn't know how to communicate with women
other than trying to buy their friendship and acceptance. This type
of guy is deep into the "ownership of commitment" and I'd steer
clear of him no matter what. Until he realizes that men and women
like the same things, have the same needs and goals in life, he'll
always think that he comes first to the point of trying to control
everyone else's actions in his circle of friends.
I'll bet that any relationship he's had in the past ended badly
because of his insecure needs and controlling attitudes.
You can verify this by doing a little research and talking to any of
his exgirlfriends.
The next time that he flirts with you and puts his hands on your
waist, put your hands on his. Pull his hands away and tell him that
touching is not permitted.
One
of two things will happen next:
He won't blush or apologize, he'll get upset is my bet. If he does
that he wants to own you and he'll start by making you apologize for
his familiarity in touching you.
If he does blush and apologize, he's just a scared little boy that
doesn't know how to get past the first date and if you've managed to
talk to any exgirlfriends I bet that you'll find out that he moved
too fast, held on too tightly and broke up very badly. He maybe a
"clinger" that just wants romance that he can manipulate on his
terms only.
Best wishes,
Rob
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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