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Ask Rob! The
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Make your move and
make it special. When the two of you have clicked it's time to see
if there is more than friendship.
Hi
Rob,
I've been enjoying your advice and think you have some great
opinions
to offer so here goes.
A girl started a 7-week internship at my company recently and we hit
it off right away. After a couple days of work together, I gave her
my phone #, which she thankfully accepted. She didn't give me hers
in return claiming she doesn't "give her number out to very many
people" to which I replied with a shrug and a laugh and said "we'll
see."
That same week, I invited her to play some tennis after work; she
said yes and we ran around for an hour chasing tennis balls, having
a great time, and flirting the whole time.
The next week the subject of favorite foods came up. I found out
hers is Thai, as is mine, and so I asked her if she wanted to go eat
some Thai food. She responded "I'm trying to save money right now,"
(she is paying for college credits to work somewhere for free-I
still don't understand how they get away with that-and gearing up
for a European vacation) and so of course I offered to buy. She said
she didn't want to do that because she'd feel like "she was taking
advantage of me," and so instead of pushing it I just said OK. That
same night, she text messaged me (giving me her phone #) wishing me
a great weekend because I was leaving for the weekend the next day,
and also saying she thought we should go out for Thai after all.
We went out the next week, had an amazing dinner, found out we have
the same or similar values, passions, and center, so to speak, in
our lives and it was great. She made it a point, though, to tell me
that "this isn't like you taking me out, you're not paying for me,
I'm here because I want to be here." I guess you could say she threw
me a major curve ball.
Here's where it gets interesting. The next week, she invited me to
ride with her to the town her college is in. She had to go up for an
evening to help plan some events for her upcoming graduation. It's
about an hour away from where we work. I have friends up there and
she knew this, and so her thought was we could ride up together and
while she did her school thing, I could hang out with friends and
then we could ride back home together. We had a great ride up, had
time for pizza in the park, and then after she was done, she came
over and met some of my friends before we left. It was a good night.
The next night, we went to a football game together, got take-out,
went back to my house, watched a movie, and flirted the whole time.
It was a good night. Other than halfway laying on each other and
that sort of thing, it never got physical. Also, the subject of our
relationship never came up and I never made a point to bring it up.
I thought it was becoming pretty obvious we both liked each other.
And, since we work together, I've been hesitant to move too fast. I
didn't see her the rest of the weekend because I was at a bachelor
party (no strippers or anything like that, just guns, meat, beer,
and competition-that sort of bachelor party).
This last week was her 6th week and it was an awkward one. I felt
like she was annoyed with me all of the sudden. Where before she
would pass by and smile, it was like she was ignoring/avoiding me,
going out of her way to not walk past me. We had a dinner and movie
at my place scheduled for Wednesday. On the day of, she insisted on
inviting another girl we work with to come over too. The girl is
here from overseas and doesn't know anyone and so I'm all about
having her over, but all I got from it was "I don't want to be alone
with you."
I asked her if we could do coffee and talk this morning (we both
have the day off from our job together but she works another job in
the afternoon). I figure it's time to be completely honest with her
and see where she's at. She said she was still in bed and wasn't up
to it before work but "if you have something you want to talk about,
we'll find a time." What should I do? Should I wait and talk after
this next week, her last week at my company, is over? Why the change
in attitude, especially after initiating the car trip and the
dinner? Did I miss my window? I just don't get it. Let me know what
you think man, I'd appreciate your advice. Wow, this is long, sorry
about that Bro.
Sincerely,
Confused
P.S. She's 21 and I'm 24. We both do basically the same thing.
Hi
Confused,
The easy answer is that, yes, you missed your window.
She was open to your advances and you didn't advance far enough.
From what you told me she was playing it slowly, making sure you weren't a
player and her attitude became more serious with you when she took the ride
with you to her college, you both did your own things, and shared the ride
home again.
After that you should have turned on the heat and gotten serious with her.
Now, she may be past what she felt for you, figuring in her head that she
imagined everything and you're not that serious after all.
How to become serious after her starting to lose interest?
That's a tough question.
The answer is harder.
In your current situation I don't think that you want to let her get away.
Make your move on her last day with your company. Invite her to dinner, make
it special. You've both shared time together, now it's time to share some
romance.
Simply, this
is the way to accomplish setting the scene:
Order a dozen roses to the restaurant where you make the reservations and
call the restaurant to expect the delivery and have the flowers on the table
before you are seated. She'll see the roses and know what you're feelings
are, unmistakably.
This will be
the "make or break" moment, but I'm sure you'll pull through, no matter her
response.
Best wishes,
Rob
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2012 AdviceGeneral.com.
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice
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