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Hi Rob,
I am very uncomfortable about my fiancé's past. He was once
married and experimented with "swinging" and "orgies." when he
was in his mid twenties.
He assures me that he is no longer interested in this activity
and he was just curious, but I am disgusted by this type of
behavior; especially since he is still in contact with some of
these people as friends.
He now wants to get married and insists that he would never get
me involved in anything like this, he loves me and just wants to
be with me. Yet I still feel uncomfortable about his past!
Please advise. C.
Hi C,
One of the toughest things about relationships is coming to
terms with the other person's life before you. Yes, they had a
life that you were not part of. You have to understand that they
may have done things that are no longer part of their life. And
you have to be comfortable with all of that. Past, present and
future.
In your case, if your fiancé maintains ties to his previous life
it may be because he hasn't totally given it up. Or he's waiting
for the right time to get back into it. Or introduce you into
the lifestyle.
Or you'll have to trust what he's said and believe that that
part of his life is over.
I think that you need to work this out before saying "I do". If
you're uncomfortable now, you'll be more so when you have these
'friends' being invited to your matrimonial home.
Ask him to end all contact with these 'swinger friends'. You
won't be able to change him later and if he loves you, he'll put
you first.
Best wishes,
Rob.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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