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Ask Rob! The
Advice General
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Jealousy is not a
natural part of any relationship. In order for your love to grow
your commitment must be complete even when you are apart for
extended periods.
Dear
Rob,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, since our freshman
year in college and we are both 20.
She
is my first love and I am the first person she has ever been with.
We spend all year together and recently we both got into the same
law school.
I was
planning on going to Europe this year and I encouraged her to do the
same with her friends, I thought it would be a nice experience for
the both of us before we started another stressful semester next
September.
The
only problem is that now I am constantly worried by the fact that
she is going on an organized trip with a lot of other young people
who will be partying and often a little drunk.
I
also find her friends to be a bad influence. There is no history of
cheating in our relationship, but we are both so young and she is so
inexperienced I am worrying that she might be tempted to cheat.
We've
talked about it and she assured me she wouldn't. Do I need to face
reality? At this age is it time for a little break during our trip?
Or should I trust her until she proves otherwise? Does our age
change the rules of the game since we are both just starting to
experience life. I would really like to stop worrying.
Thanks,
William
Hi William,
All the time that you spend together is both a gift and a curse. You
rely on her being with you, ready to "be your girl" from now to
eternity but you don't see her as being mature enough to not cheat
on you.
The
reality that you need to face is that your girlfriend is a person in
her own right.
If you can't trust her, you need to end the relationship.
It's quite that simple.
Your unresolved jealousy, your general distrust of your commitment
to her is being projected onto her as her problem when it's really
your problem.
You've had your talk with her. She has told you that she can be
trusted. She's said and done all she can do. It's time for you to
trust yourself that you have a great, beautiful, trustworthy person
in your life that wants to share experiences with you without you
being jealous of her own life and the control she has over her own
actions.
I get many advice emails from guys that are jealous about how their
girlfriends interact with other male friends. This jealousy and
mistrust can almost always be traced back to the guy's own
insecurities about his relationship with the woman he supposedly
"loves".
I placed love in quotes because love requires:
Fidelity
Trust
Commitment
If you can't offer fully and completely these three things to your
girlfriend, you need to resolve your own feelings, your own
insecurities. Your time apart can be a wonderful growing experience
that will lead to a fuller life for the both of you. If you let it.
Control yourself. Get counseling if you can't resolve these feelings
on your own.
Your future relationship depends on it. And not with just your
current girlfriend but any and all friends you have in the future
too. The world can be a jealous and covetous place, but don't let it
be your place.
Best Wishes,
Rob.
*
Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to
help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated
as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the
best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone
that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental.
And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2007 AdviceGeneral.com. If you
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www.advicegeneral.com
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