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How Will I Know If He Wants To Date Me?

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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ASK ROB!

Some guys just don't know how to read woman's signals, so you have to start teaching him how to read you by becoming unavailable.

Dear Rob,
I would greatly appreciate your advice on my current situation with a "friend" of mine.

Steve and I have been "friends" for over seven years.

When we met years ago, I met him through his roommate, Geoff. At that time, I was very taken with Geoff, and it was very obvious.

It was also pretty obvious that Steve liked me, and frankly, I milked that situation for all it was worth.

At that time I was in my early 20's and was not very nice. I did some things right in front of Steve that were mean and his best friend nearly got into a fight with Geoff over it.

I am over Geoff now and he is out of my life, but Steve and I are still friends. Years after this "love triangle" I wrote him a letter apologizing for how I treated him.

We have spent time together off and on ever since, but he has always lived in a different state.

Fast forward to the last two years, he is in town a lot for various reasons, so I see him quite a bit, but we have NEVER talked about our relationship at all.

When he's here, it feels like we're dating. When he's not, it's like we're just friends. I have told him on several occasions that we are just friends, when he has asked me to stay over at his place, but it was more out of self-preservation than anything.

I am afraid that he is not into me as much as I am into him, so I say nothing.

The reason I say nothing is that I feel like if he really wanted to date me, he would have said so by now or made it clear, but he has not.

Part of me wants to tell him how I feel, but of course I'm scared, and I also think that maybe I already have my answer -- if he wanted to date, he would have made clear by now.

However, whenever he's in town, he always calls me and want to get together, though he has many other friends here. Also, he confided in a mutual friend of ours that he had a "huge crush" on my this past summer.

I know this probably sounds soooo juvenile to you that a 30-year-old is asking you for advice on such a situation, but I'm not a very experienced dater at all, and neither is Steve. Neither of us is good at expressing our emotions either, so that doesn't help.

Anyway, I have gone back and forth over the last several weeks regarding what I should do. Do I talk to him or just stop hanging out with him and let it go? I can't keep hanging out with him and not knowing because it's starting to hurt.

I would GREATLY appreciate any advice you have.

Thank you so much,
Sally

Hi Sally,
You’ve done very well so far.

You’ve apologized for past transgressions, you’ve made amends with your past behavior.

And now, your past has come to your future and you need some direction.
Not a problem at all.

One thing first: it’s not at all uncommon for someone in their 30’s to need dating advice, after all, we all aren’t pickup artists, right? Some of us are normal.

Anyways...
The next time Steve calls you up and he’s in town tell him that, sorry, you’ve got a date. You tell him, “He really should call ahead, you can’t be available all the time”, AND end the conversation right then and there. “Gotta go!”

Now, the next time (after this) he comes into town he will call you or email you ahead of time if he is interested in being more than friends, if he wants to spend time with you.

BUT, to play this right, the weekend that he calls you up and you say you’re busy DO NOT meet up with him later that night, or that weekend at all.

If you fold on this, you will not have played this to your advantage, you will have played into his hand and will NOT know the true outcome of whether he’s into you enough to date you, as a proper young man should.
That is critical!

EWW you say, that’s playing games, that’s messing with his head… but it isn’t.

Guys that are really bad at dating and picking up on a woman’s signals need all the help they can get to understand exactly where everything is really headed and by avoiding him this first weekend, you’ll have him starting to really figure things out.

And you won’t have to wait longer than the next week, or so, to get your TRUE answer.
Best Wishes,
Rob.


 

 

Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

For Men

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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