Ask your question at www.advicegeneral.com
The time to end this charade of a relationship is now, right now, before he get's even worse with the demands he puts on you.
Dear Rob,
I need your help.
My boyfriend and I are dating for a month now. I like him so much and he thinks he love me... he wants to marry me and make some babies.
I'm saying he's the ideal guy but a kind of guy you want to spend the whole day with, he's lovable. he's 41 (but looks like 34) and I'm 26.
The problem is I constantly lied to him the second time around. I gave him promises that I've been telling him the whole truth about my past. Like there's only him when I had him.. (I had not broke up yet with my ex at that time) and there's not much to tell with some of the extra curricular activities with some other guys (which surprises him and telling me why can't I be honest.)
And later on when he insisted and persisted to tell him everything.. I gave in. He wants to know the whole truth about me, which, for me.. a very uncomfortable situation. I want to keep my past for self-respect.
Right now, he knows everything inside and out of my life.. the problem is he still thinks I'm having an affair.. like chatmates, or flirting out with officemates.
He wants all my attention is on him when we're talking, or chatting.
He doesn't want any distractions. I would understand because he's giving me all attention he could give but I cant keep up with with momentum.
Sometimes when we got a chance to chat while at work I could sometimes ignore him and that's the time he thinks I'm chatting with somebody else because he could feel I'm holding back or something.
Of all the truth I told him since I came out clean was having no affair other than him, up until now he thinks I'm still lying.
It's very exhaustive on my part.. tiring.. we're always in conflict. It's getting intoxicating everyday.. and I could see the pain in his face and eyes every time he thinks I'm lying to him. I don't want to hurt him.
I understand that he's hurrying up the time because he's 41.. but I still don't want to get married yet. I just cant be so honest about that.
Why is it so hard for me to be honest of my feelings for him? I don't want to lose him just because I don't want to get married yet and I'm breaking off a promise.
Oh Rob, I don't know what to do.
I know I don't love him.. but I would insist telling him that I do, that's acting 101 alright. I like him so much u know that I want him to wait for me until I'm ready. I don't know when would that be...shit. I'm being unfair, I know.
What am I going to do? I told the greatest lie that I love him. I still want to keep him.
What's the best way to say and do?? I can't think. My mind is getting disoriented.
I hope I'm making sense here.
thank you so much,
Sharon
Hi Sharon,
You're in a very confused place right now, so what has to be done in to "unconfuse" the issues that surround you.
First off, by demanding to know things about your past your boyfriend has started controlling you.
And now by accusing you of cheating, of not giving him your full and complete attention, he is controlling your life that much, more.
You like being with him but you know you don't love him... and the real reason you don't love him is because deep in your heart you know he's forcing you to be someone you aren't.
He's taking away your own personality and bending you to his own will.
The time to end this charade of a relationship is now, right now, before he get's even worse with the demands he puts on you.
You need some "single me" time to decide where your life is headed, once you regain control of your life by getting him out of it.
Don't make him wait until you're "ready"... you never will be because of how he treats you.
Unless he breaks you down so much that you have lost your friends, are separated from your family and live only according to his rules.
You know there are only two paths for you ahead:
His way, or Your way.
Choose to be faithful to yourself and leave him now.
Best Wishes,
Rob.
Disclaimer: ©2006-2009 AdviceGeneral.com. This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice General" are for entertainment purposes only. For complete terms and limitations please go to: www.advicegeneral.com
