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Ask Rob! The
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Dear Rob,
There is this guy that I really like that I see during the week, we work in
the same building but not for the same company. When we run into each other
we talk a little, but he doesn't say too much. I know he likes me because I
see him stealing glances at me when he thinks that I don't know he's around,
in the cafeteria, elevators, common areas of the building.
I flirt with him and he smiles
then retreats. I've hinted that we should go out and he always says
something like, "that sounds good", or "sounds like fun" but he never takes
the hint.
From the small talk we've traded
I know he's not married or dating. We only see each other at my work
building. How can I get him to break out of his shell and ask me out?
Thanks,
Not a shy girl
Dear Not a shy girl,
Yes, this is a hard thing to do, encourage a shy guy to ask you
out on a date. He's likely so insecure that any type of
attraction sends him into ecstasy and any type of rejection will
crush him for weeks.
But, if you're confident that he's interested in you, just build
yourself up and ask him out to meet for a coffee after work one
day. This can even be a spur-of-the-moment idea of yours, meet
that day and ask him out for that afternoon after work. Don't
give him time to back out of the date and don't plan the date
for a few days later in the week so he has all that time
worrying about you and him getting together.
Once you start dating you'll see that he's likely one of those
"nice guys" that actually has a lot of great qualities about
himself, he just isn't used to expressing them in the open, in
front of people that he likes and doesn't want to be rejected
from.
These "nice guys" all have common personality traits:
-
easily led to a
decision rather than having the courage to make a decision
for themselves (often as being talked into something)
-
has a hard time
suggesting things to do
-
does not lead
conversations or even change subjects, just follows the flow
of the topic, often not even offering opinions unless
cornered into it
-
often will look
at their shoes, hands or over the shoulder of the person
they are talking to, rather than look directly at them
-
neat, cleanly
dressed and organized, not overly compulsive
-
often has loud,
overbearing friends, if any friends at all
Once you're dating a guy like this it's easy for you to end up
"mothering" them, trying to change them into a "better guy".
This is actually not a good thing. Dating someone you mostly
like, so that you can change certain habits, styles and traits
usually ends up rather messy. Don't date to change someone but
be a positive influence on the shy, timid guy and you can effect
change through conversational support, nice clothing gifts and
style suggestions, even adding hobbies and things to do to build
confidence. This is a life-long task, so be prepared to go
slowly. Very slowly.
If you have a brother or friend that is showing these shy, timid
and "scared of women" traits you can effect positive changes
early on by building confidence.
Having hobbies that are interactive (magic) that include
performances in front of others is a great way to help break
someone out of the "scared of people" mode. As well, there are
plenty of confidence building books available. I strongly
recommend the "Double Your Dating" ebook for guys.
 I recently discovered a great
book called "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo. In my opinion, it's the
best place for a guy to start who wants to become more successful with women
and dating. I'm really excited about it, because these days it's
definitely not easy for a guy to find dating advice that works.
So what makes this book different than everything else out there?
Well, mainly David DeAngelo himself.
You see, David D. is a smart, educated regular guy. A regular guy who for
the longest time, like so many others, couldn't figure out why he didn't
have the success with women he wanted.
Several years ago, he made the decision in his life to do whatever it takes
to get this whole "dating" thing down, no matter what the cost.
David read everything he could find about women and dating, and was
disappointed to discover that for the most part, there was no quality
information available for guys like him who wanted to learn.
Frustrated but determined, David decided to go straight to the source. Not
to the women themselves… After hearing so many women say they wanted a "nice
guy", then turn around and complain about their jerk boyfriends (who they
had obviously chosen over many nice guys like him), he was convinced that
even women themselves weren't exactly sure of what they wanted in a man.
David sought out the few guys he knew who were unbelievably successful with
women. You know, the guys in high school that you never stopped hearing
about. He asked around and found more and more of these naturals, and sat
down and picked their brains for every last piece of information he could
dig up.
He was surprised to find that many of these guys weren't rich or handsome.
In fact, several of them were down right broke and ugly! But they definitely
had some kind of "power" that other guys didn't, and after hanging out with
these guys for a while, David started to figure out exactly what it was.
It took some time, but before long David himself was getting women like
crazy. His friends begged him to let them in on his secret… And sure enough…
It worked for them too! David had put together a complete system for meeting
and dating women that any guy could use. They convinced him that he had to
write a book, and soon "Double Your Dating" was born.
In his book, David explains his step-by-step process for meeting and
attracting women. Once you know it and master it, you can attract any woman
you want, any time you want. And you don't have to be rich or handsome to do
it.
David has finally unraveled the "bad boy" mystery and explains exactly why
some guys "get all the chicks". More importantly, he explains how to develop
the traits in yourself that drive women wild, and why you don't have to be a
bad boy or a jerk to be successful with women.
There are simple things that you can do to separate yourself from 99% of the
other guys out there, and David spells them out for you in plain English. He
covers specific strategies and techniques for starting conversations with
women, getting their phone numbers and email addresses, inexpensive and
cheap date ideas, and how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and
easily.
The techniques in the book are practical and easy to use. There is nothing
you will have to memorize or study. You can start using what you learn right
away.
I really cannot recommend this book enough. "Double Your Dating" is an
absolute must read for any man, no matter where you're at in the dating
game.
Here's the website that has the free weekly dating advice newsletter for
guys and the ebook 'Double Your Dating' that will answer all of your
questions:
http://www.doubleyourdating.com/ This book and the
three bonuses that come with it are the FOUNDATION for success with women.
Everything you read in these articles will make more sense once you have
read the book.
Best wishes,
Rob
*
Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to
help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated
as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the
best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone
that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental.
And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2007 AdviceGeneral.com. If you
want advice, find out more about Rob at:
www.advicegeneral.com
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice General" are
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Need
to find out when to kiss her the first time? Read "the Kiss
Test" available in "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo.
For young guys just starting to date, this book is a must-read.
You'll learn how to increase your confidence in asking girls
out, in getting emails and phone numbers. How to ask for that
first date and know when to get that first kiss.
Guys can
build confidence in all types of relationships. 'Double Your
Dating' is highly recommended.
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