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Dealing With Insecure Guys

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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ASK ROB!

Dear Rob,
There is this guy that I really like that I see during the week, we work in the same building but not for the same company. When we run into each other we talk a little, but he doesn't say too much. I know he likes me because I see him stealing glances at me when he thinks that I don't know he's around, in the cafeteria, elevators, common areas of the building.

I flirt with him and he smiles then retreats. I've hinted that we should go out and he always says something like, "that sounds good", or "sounds like fun" but he never takes the hint.

From the small talk we've traded I know he's not married or dating. We only see each other at my work building. How can I get him to break out of his shell and ask me out?

Thanks,
Not a shy girl

Dear Not a shy girl,
Yes, this is a hard thing to do, encourage a shy guy to ask you out on a date. He's likely so insecure that any type of attraction sends him into ecstasy and any type of rejection will crush him for weeks.

But, if you're confident that he's interested in you, just build yourself up and ask him out to meet for a coffee after work one day. This can even be a spur-of-the-moment idea of yours, meet that day and ask him out for that afternoon after work. Don't give him time to back out of the date and don't plan the date for a few days later in the week so he has all that time worrying about you and him getting together.

Once you start dating you'll see that he's likely one of those "nice guys" that actually has a lot of great qualities about himself, he just isn't used to expressing them in the open, in front of people that he likes and doesn't want to be rejected from.

These "nice guys" all have common personality traits:

  • easily led to a decision rather than having the courage to make a decision for themselves (often as being talked into something)

  • has a hard time suggesting things to do

  • does not lead conversations or even change subjects, just follows the flow of the topic, often not even offering opinions unless cornered into it

  • often will look at their shoes, hands or over the shoulder of the person they are talking to, rather than look directly at them

  • neat, cleanly dressed and organized, not overly compulsive

  • often has loud, overbearing friends, if any friends at all

Once you're dating a guy like this it's easy for you to end up "mothering" them, trying to change them into a "better guy". This is actually not a good thing. Dating someone you mostly like, so that you can change certain habits, styles and traits usually ends up rather messy. Don't date to change someone but be a positive influence on the shy, timid guy and you can effect change through conversational support, nice clothing gifts and style suggestions, even adding hobbies and things to do to build confidence. This is a life-long task, so be prepared to go slowly. Very slowly.

If you have a brother or friend that is showing these shy, timid and "scared of women" traits you can effect positive changes early on by building confidence.

Having hobbies that are interactive (magic) that include performances in front of others is a great way to help break someone out of the "scared of people" mode. As well, there are plenty of confidence building books available. I strongly recommend the "Double Your Dating" ebook for guys.

Double Your Dating eBookI recently discovered a great book called "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo. In my opinion, it's the best place for a guy to start who wants to become more successful with women and dating. I'm really excited about it, because these days it's definitely not easy for a guy to find dating advice that works.

So what makes this book different than everything else out there? Well, mainly David DeAngelo himself.

You see, David D. is a smart, educated regular guy. A regular guy who for the longest time, like so many others, couldn't figure out why he didn't have the success with women he wanted. Several years ago, he made the decision in his life to do whatever it takes to get this whole "dating" thing down, no matter what the cost.

David read everything he could find about women and dating, and was disappointed to discover that for the most part, there was no quality information available for guys like him who wanted to learn.

Frustrated but determined, David decided to go straight to the source. Not to the women themselves… After hearing so many women say they wanted a "nice guy", then turn around and complain about their jerk boyfriends (who they had obviously chosen over many nice guys like him), he was convinced that even women themselves weren't exactly sure of what they wanted in a man.

David sought out the few guys he knew who were unbelievably successful with women. You know, the guys in high school that you never stopped hearing about. He asked around and found more and more of these naturals, and sat down and picked their brains for every last piece of information he could dig up.

He was surprised to find that many of these guys weren't rich or handsome. In fact, several of them were down right broke and ugly! But they definitely had some kind of "power" that other guys didn't, and after hanging out with these guys for a while, David started to figure out exactly what it was.

It took some time, but before long David himself was getting women like crazy. His friends begged him to let them in on his secret… And sure enough… It worked for them too! David had put together a complete system for meeting and dating women that any guy could use. They convinced him that he had to write a book, and soon "Double Your Dating" was born.

In his book, David explains his step-by-step process for meeting and attracting women. Once you know it and master it, you can attract any woman you want, any time you want. And you don't have to be rich or handsome to do it.

David has finally unraveled the "bad boy" mystery and explains exactly why some guys "get all the chicks". More importantly, he explains how to develop the traits in yourself that drive women wild, and why you don't have to be a bad boy or a jerk to be successful with women.

There are simple things that you can do to separate yourself from 99% of the other guys out there, and David spells them out for you in plain English. He covers specific strategies and techniques for starting conversations with women, getting their phone numbers and email addresses, inexpensive and cheap date ideas, and how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.

The techniques in the book are practical and easy to use. There is nothing you will have to memorize or study. You can start using what you learn right away.

I really cannot recommend this book enough. "Double Your Dating" is an absolute must read for any man, no matter where you're at in the dating game.

Here's the website that has the free weekly dating advice newsletter for guys and the ebook 'Double Your Dating' that will answer all of your questions: http://www.doubleyourdating.com/  This book and the three bonuses that come with it are the FOUNDATION for success with women. Everything you read in these articles will make more sense once you have read the book.

Best wishes,
Rob


* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *

Disclaimer: ©2006-2007 AdviceGeneral.com. If you want advice, find out more about Rob at: www.advicegeneral.com
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice General" are for entertainment purposes only. For complete terms and limitations please go to:
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Double Your Dating eBookNeed to find out when to kiss her the first time? Read "the Kiss Test" available in "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo.

For young guys just starting to date, this book is a must-read. You'll learn how to increase your confidence in asking girls out, in getting emails and phone numbers. How to ask for that first date and know when to get that first kiss.

Guys can build confidence in all types of relationships. 'Double Your Dating' is highly recommended.

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