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Dealing With The 'Love Drug': When Chemistry Rules Your Love Life

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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ASK ROB!

Hey Rob,
I'm going out with this guy and before we even started going out he told me that he loved me and I thought he meant it. He's not the type of guy to just throw those words around since he can get just about any girl that he wanted.

A couple of days ago we were talking about us and he said that he was thinking and that he knows that I genuinely love him and mean it and that he knows that he really likes me but isn't sure if he loves me?

Why would he say if he wasn't sure in the first place? I don't get it. I was completely hurt and didn't know what to think. He told me " I love you" so many times and in front of everyone, friends, parents, and teachers.

How come all of a sudden he's not sure?
K.

Hi K,
When a guy throws around the "I love you's" so quickly, easily and frequently, it usually means that he's under the spell of the 'love chemical'. That's why people, when first smitten, infatuated, or falling in love act so weird and possessive. The chemical reaction in the brain does eventually even out and this need to be with that special person lessens over time. Then reality of the relationship occurs and, if the relationship can last, both people live beyond this first phase.

This guy, however, is a jerk as well as readying himself to break up with you. Head him off. Tell him you need time to 'think about your life' and that you'll get back to him in a week or so to talk about things.

Then you should decide to be single and stay single for a while. It'll do you some good.

Best wishes,
Rob.

Recent clinical tests being published have shown that there is a noticeable chemical reaction in the brain that occurs when 'love' or 'infatuation' first happens. Feelings of euphoria, intense pleasure and 'being in paradise' are a common effect of this reaction. It is strongest when you are anticipating meeting that special someone, second strongest as you remember being with them.

Common sense does not prevail here as the person attempts to hold onto this 'love high' as much as possible. There are other noticeable changes to personality that reveal when someone is under this natural 'love drug'. They are:

  • Changing routines to center around this new love interest even to the point of ignoring close friends and family

  • Making poor judgment decisions that are out of character and favor the new love interest

  • Depression, on the verge of manic panic, when time is not spent with the love interest, when dates are cancelled, when approval of this new love interest if not forthcoming from close friends and family

If you know someone that is suffering from this 'love drug' and you need to get them to start thinking properly and logically before they make lifelong mistakes, you can try the following:

  • Take your friend for a long fast walk or jog. Fresh air and exercise help to clear the head. Get those active endorphins going and you'll be on the way to logical decision making in no time

  • Don't show or talk disapprovingly of this new love interest, you'll just drive the lovesick friend away. Instead, talk about your friend's long term life goals. What they want to do with their life, their career, school, etc. Try to get them thinking of themselves again, not the new love interest.

  • Don't introduce them to someone new as a way of moving on with their life. That's the same as showing disapproval and you'll drive them away from your influence. When possible, get this lovesick friend to plan a party for other close friends. Get them thinking of their life, family and friends that were around before this new person entered it and you'll be on the road to helping them deal realistically again with their life.


* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *

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