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Hey Rob,
I'm going out with this guy and before we even started going
out he told me that he loved me and I thought he meant it. He's
not the type of guy to just throw those words around since he
can get just about any girl that he wanted.
A couple of days ago we were talking about us and he said that
he was thinking and that he knows that I genuinely love him and
mean it and that he knows that he really likes me but isn't sure
if he loves me?
Why would he say if he wasn't sure in the first place? I don't
get it. I was completely hurt and didn't know what to think. He
told me " I love you" so many times and in front of everyone,
friends, parents, and teachers.
How come all of a sudden he's not sure?
K.
Hi K,
When a guy throws around the "I love you's" so quickly, easily
and frequently, it usually means that he's under the spell of
the 'love chemical'. That's why people, when first smitten,
infatuated, or falling in love act so weird and possessive. The
chemical reaction in the brain does eventually even out and this
need to be with that special person lessens over time. Then
reality of the relationship occurs and, if the relationship can
last, both people live beyond this first phase.
This guy, however, is a jerk as well as readying himself to
break up with you. Head him off. Tell him you need time to
'think about your life' and that you'll get back to him in a
week or so to talk about things.
Then you should decide to be single and stay single for a while.
It'll do you some good.
Best wishes,
Rob.
Recent clinical tests being published have shown that there is a
noticeable chemical reaction in the brain that occurs when
'love' or 'infatuation' first happens. Feelings of euphoria,
intense pleasure and 'being in paradise' are a common effect of
this reaction. It is strongest when you are anticipating meeting
that special someone, second strongest as you remember being
with them.
Common sense does not prevail here as the person attempts to
hold onto this 'love high' as much as possible. There are other
noticeable changes to personality that reveal when someone is
under this natural 'love drug'. They are:
-
Changing
routines to center around this new love interest even to the
point of ignoring close friends and family
-
Making poor
judgment decisions that are out of character and favor the
new love interest
-
Depression, on
the verge of manic panic, when time is not spent with the
love interest, when dates are cancelled, when approval of
this new love interest if not forthcoming from close friends
and family
If you know someone that is suffering from this 'love drug' and
you need to get them to start thinking properly and logically
before they make lifelong mistakes, you can try the following:
-
Take your friend
for a long fast walk or jog. Fresh air and exercise help to
clear the head. Get those active endorphins going and you'll
be on the way to logical decision making in no time
-
Don't show or
talk disapprovingly of this new love interest, you'll just
drive the lovesick friend away. Instead, talk about your
friend's long term life goals. What they want to do with
their life, their career, school, etc. Try to get them
thinking of themselves again, not the new love interest.
-
Don't introduce
them to someone new as a way of moving on with their life.
That's the same as showing disapproval and you'll drive them
away from your influence. When possible, get this lovesick
friend to plan a party for other close friends. Get them
thinking of their life, family and friends that were around
before this new person entered it and you'll be on the road
to helping them deal realistically again with their life.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2010 AdviceGeneral.com.
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice
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