Needy And Complaining by Ask Rob! The Advice General

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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If you become needy and complaining you'll find that love can't conquer distance.

Hi Rob,
I was with my boyfriend 3 years when he moved a few months ago to the United States for a job. We planned that I will follow 3 months later, because I had to finish my studies first.

So we were talking nonstop on the phone, although he was very stressed and busy in his new job and overwhelmed with the new situation as well. I didn’t understand the pressure that he had and had nothing else to do than bugging and complaining that he didn’t pay enough attention to me (typical girl). He told me that he was in stress and that he have so many things on his mind and that I should let him relax.

When we figured out that I couldn’t get the visa I was so angry and disappointed and told him that I want to break up and that I don’t want him to call anymore. He wrote me 4 emails telling me that I should call, but I was too angry to talk to him. After 9 days of not talking to him, I called but he didn’t pick up the phone anymore or reply to my emails for weeks. I called his mum and freaked out completely, but then he just wrote me an email saying that after I broke up with him and telling him that I don’t wanna hear from him, now he doesn’t want me anymore. He told me to stop contacting him and to move on with my life.

Since almost 2 month he doesn’t reply my emails or answer my phone calls. And because he lives 12 hours by airplane, I cannot just go over there to see him. I wanted to, but he told me that he doesn’t want to and that I shouldn't come, he is not willing to see me in any way.

For me everything sounds like he is very hurt from what I have told him, but also very sure about not wanting to be with me anymore. But how can I let go the love of my life, just because I said one day something in my anger? What should I do?

Should I continue to beg to reply to my emails or answer my phone calls to make him see that I regret what I've done (what I did the last 2 months)? Write him a long letter to explain him that I do regret many things that I've done? I've already called his family desperate for their help and wrote him how much I want him or will it only drive him further away? Or should I not contact him at all and hope like that he will start missing my phone calls? I am very sorry for what I have said and I realized many mistakes, but how can he give up so fast if he really loved me as he used to say?
Please please I need advice from you!

Hi,
Give him the chance to miss you.
Stop begging, trying to contact him.... let him think that you're over him.

Heck, even go out with your friends and stop whining to them about your predicament, play life as a single girl now.

If he doesn't contact you within a month of you starting to not contact him, then it really is over. If he's calmed down to the point of missing you, and he still loves you, he'll call.

But you have to let him miss you! AND don't call him first. No emails, no messages through family or friends.

After the month, move on. You're young yet and need to be with someone that really loves you, someone that distance isn't really an obstacle to a relationship, which isn't everybody.

Best wishes,
Rob

Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

For Men

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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Ask Rob! The Advice General