Reconnecting With An Old Flame

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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Hi Rob,
I spent a year living in South America during undergraduate school. For five months I lived in Ecuador, where I shared three classes with a great guy that slowly progressed from study buddy, to friend, to lover. It was a very short time, and very passionate, but neither of us really opened up completely since there was a fixed expiration date on our relationship. I moved on to Chile, and he back to Canada.

Over the next three years we kept in touch via e-mail. I moved back to the United States, and he moved to Egypt as a journalist for a year, and then on to England to begin graduate studies. He just moved to New York this past week to finish his last year of graduate studies, and I have just moved to Washington, DC to begin graduate studies in the same field. I never thought I would see him again, but always thought of him fondly and thought that I want a man just like him.

He has a lot of energy, charisma, and passion. He's quirky, gorgeous, loves to cook, and loves to travel in addition to speaking five different languages. We have been in touch via e-mail this past week, both expressing mutual excitement about seeing one another again (although very platonic), and he invited me to visit him in New York this weekend over Labour Day holiday.

I think I am overwhelming myself right now, and possibly him with my list of things I want to do while I am there including a tango class, and may be getting my hopes up. I'm thinking, "well, even better than finding someone like him, I could have him!" I seem to have a pretty good track record of attracting men but not being able to keep them. I get so excited about love....I really want to keep this one, I don't even know at this point if he shares the same feelings, and I would love some advice on how to tread these waters to show him how I feel without scaring him away....
Any advice would be greatly appreciated,
J

Hi J,
I'm rarely the one to say "see where this leads" and I won't say it now.
When you meet him, have your platonic date with him.
I'm sure he still has plans that may not involve a heavy relationship quite yet. By the tone of your letter I can tell that you're unsure if you're ready for a committed relationship, so I'd recommend keeping things simple and uncomplicated.
Sometimes, we are meant to be single. Singleness has a way of maturing our feelings of love and relationships so that, when we're ready, it can happen.

Don't force it, don't hop into the sack 'for old times sake'. Talk about ways that you can keep in touch. I'm sure you both have funny stories to share about failed relationships during your 3 year separation. Maybe that separation and continuing contact was the underlying reason for you now says that you could attract men and not keep them. Did they not measure up to Mr. Wonderful?

For your weekend, plan on a lunch date, a dinner date, and an exchange of future plans and not too much more.
I just don't feel that having romantically high hopes will be of benefit here.

Best wishes,
Rob.

Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

• Christian Carter's Catch Him and Keep Him
• Rori Raye's Have The Relationship You Want
• Carol Allen's Love is in The Stars

For Men

• David Deangelo's Double Your Dating
• David Wygant Men's Mastery Coaching
• Jesse Charger's Seduction Sciences
• Alex Allman's Revolutionary Sex Tips For Men
• The Dating Wizard's Relationship Mastery Program

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2012 AdviceGeneral.com. This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice General" are for entertainment purposes only. For complete terms and limitations please go to: www.advicegeneral.com

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