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Ask Rob! The
Advice General
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Long distance
relationships take extra work from both people but they are also
very easily broken up. More consideration and care is involved and
if you cross the line from your exclusive relationship then when
it's over, it's over.
Dear
Rob,
My name is Albert. First of all, if I do mistakes sorry.. My english
is not perfect.
My problem is
with my ex-Girlfriend. I want her back. But I don't have any idea how to do
it. I did so much things to get her back but I failed. I was a real WUSSY.
She dump me not me her. And she is talking with another guy now, and I think
they will be together.
The problem
in our relationship was that it was a little bit boring in last time. And we
are far away from each other. She is in Norway and I am in Germany.
The greatest
problem is distance. I want to do something so I can take her attention. I
tried everything, sending flowers, writing sms, mails.. etc. But it didn't
work. I need your advice. I want to do something, but what?? I must get her
back..
The classic ways didn't work, like making her jealous. Yeah it worked at
first but not anymore. Cause she's far away from me and she can't se me
dating other girls. So I hope that you will help me.
Thanks a lot
Hi
Albert,
It sounds to me that your efforts to maintain the long distance
relationship have not succeeded.
Long distance relationships require a special amount of nurturing to make
them work. Nurturing and trust from both people.
From what you've told me, she's seeing other guys and to get her back you
tried to make her jealous and date other girls.
Besides being a wussy and sending her gifts, mail, email and such when she's
obviously not interested anymore.
Armin, her interest in you has disappeared. I'd give her one last shot by
calling her on the phone and asking her if the relationship is repairable.
If she says yes, you can work on it. If she says no, then, sorry to say, it
is really over.
It may be time to look closer to home for a girlfriend.
Tips for maintaining your long distance relationship:
- Regular contact by phone, email and Instant Messenger without being to
attached, pushy and jealous. It's important to remember that with distance
there is a difference in lifestyle, no matter how much you have in common,
how much you profess your love for each other. Have contact times scheduled
and don't be upset if times have to change or you cannot contact the other
when it's not a regular contact time.
- Avoid relationship stagnation by visiting each other when you can. Visits
should be, at the least, every couple of months. Of course this depends on
the distance and cost of travel. But to make your long distance relationship
work, visits are a priority over everything else.
- Know that jealousy has no place in your relationship. It's easy to get
jealous because of the differences in work and personal life schedules.
These differences should not be allowed to get in the way. Yes, she will
have her friends and time with her friends, just as you do. This is where
having regularly scheduled phone dates are so important.
- On visits it's very important to not spend 100% of your time together. You
should be introduced to her friends when you are visiting, maybe a trip to
her place of work. The same thing goes for when she's visiting you. It is
too easy to spend the whole visit with each other and not really experience
the other person's circle of friends, family and job.
- You must have a plan for moving beyond the long distance relationship to a
more permanent sharing for your lives together. Plan ahead. Who moves closer
to whom? Who changes jobs, careers? After a couple of visits and maybe a
year as a couple these topics need to be discussed before too much more time
is spent together and no future direction is decided upon. Nothing ends a
long distance relationship faster than two people that can't decide to
really be together.
I hope this helps,
Best wishes,
Rob.
*
Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to
help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated
as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the
best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone
that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental.
And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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