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Ask Rob! The
Advice General
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Guys, unlike some
wines, don't improve with age. If he doesn't have any manners or
respect for you now, he never will.
Dear
Rob,
I've been hanging out with this guy maybe once a week for a month
now. Really a great guy with an awesome career and is cool, hip,
culturally aware.
He
reads awesome literature and watches foreign films (which I
absolutely love). He seems to like me, but doesn't seem heads over
heels crazy about me.
We
see each other about once a week on average because I work a full
time job and he's a freelancer, so he has a lot more flexibility in
his schedule.
The
problem is that I've always expected a certain amount of chivalry
and gentlemanly manners, like opening the door and letting me enter
first, paying on the first date, etc., but this guy is Mr "Lets go
Dutch." Or I pay this time, you pay next time. Which would be fine
if we were friends, but we're kind of dating, not just friends.
And
I'm just not used to that this early in the game, nor am I used to a
guy who will start crossing the street first without waiting for me.
It's extremely frustrating.
I'm
in my early 30's and he's 3 years younger. Do you think it's an age
thing? Or he's just never been taught to have manners by his mother?
After hanging out a few times I finally spent the night and it was
fun, but he didn't make sure that I finished first. And to top it
off, I ended up snoring in the night and when I woke up his was
gone! I went to look for him in the living room and he was reading.
I asked him what was up and he told me my snoring kept him awake and
he's been up for the past few hours. Cripes, how embarrassing.
How should I proceed from here? Wait for him to contact me? Or just
forget it and move on?
Snorty Girl
Hi Snorty Girl,
This guy sounds incredibly immature and selfish to me. I understand
that guys need to spark interest in girls. Fuel the flames of
attraction and all that. But, once the guy has the girl there are
certain ways to behave and this guy doesn't know what that is. Too
bad for him.
And you'll waste a lot of your time teaching him proper manners when
he's not really serious about you if you decide to keep seeing him.
Too bad for you.
This is not due to your difference in age, it's do to a bad, ever
expanding societal flaw: "men and women don't know how to respect
each other".
What I do suggest is that you talk to him point blank about your
expectations in a relationship.
Explain to him about opening doors, walking together, sharing the
bill.
Either this will move your "Kind of dating" into a more serious
place or you'll end up just dumping him and let him practice his
poor behavior on someone that expects this type of crap from the
guys they date.
You certainly deserve better.
And guys, for the record:
Open doors for the women (car doors, building doors, etc.)
Going out to eat? Decide before you get there if you’re splitting
the bill or paying for the meal
Wear clean clothes
Button shirts should have no more than two buttons unbuttoned
Shave off that facial hair unless you’re religiously obligated to
wear it
Shower in the morning, shower before your date
Don’t be selfish in bed
Best
Wishes,
Rob.
*
Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to
help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated
as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the
best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone
that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental.
And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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