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Ask Rob! The
Advice General
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So, you’re
taking your relationship to the next level and moving in
together. This is going to be the experience of a lifetime. Many
couples view moving in together differently, so it’s important
to know the ground rules of moving in to avoid future problems.
The biggest question
to be prepared for is “What is the relationship level after
moving in together?”
Where is this change in relationship leading the both of you?
Engagement? Marriage?
Not ready to
answer those questions? Then you really need to have the answers
for the following questions and have your own “Rules For Moving
In Together”:
Rent/ Mortgage
Rent: Will the rent be a 50/50 split? Does the person with the
higher income pay a proportional amount or the whole bill?
Does the rental lease need to be adjusted to include both of
your names?
Who is legally liable for the rental lease?
Mortgage: Will the property title be changed to include both of
your names? Will the both of you be paying the mortgage (which
involves it’s own series of ownership questions should there be
a breakup or serious injury)?
Groceries
Who does the shopping?
Who pays for the groceries?
Who gets to eat the last Oreo cookie?
Who’s responsible for the grocery list to make sure you don’t
run out of maple syrup when preparing a Sunday morning brunch
for two?
Utility Bills
Whose name will the bills be payable by?
Will the bills be a 50/50 split? Does the person with the higher
income pay a proportional amount or the whole monthly utility
bills?
Laundry
Where will the laundry be kept before laundry day?
Who will do the laundry or is each person responsible for their
own?
Household Cleaning
“If you mess it up, you clean it up”, isn’t always going to
work. Will you decide on a mutually agreeable cleaning day or
will one person be responsible for the tidiness of the
household?
One man’s organization is another woman’s mess, how will you
decide who is right?
“A place for everything and everything in it’s place” is a good
way to keep your place neat and tidy.
Cooking Duties
Home cooking: Who cooks? Who orders delivery food (and pays for
it)?
Visits By Friends
You can’t have ‘quality time’ if you have an open door policy
for drop-in friends, can you?
Decide and define who, when and how often friends can come over.
Remember to keep some time for just the two of you.
Pets
Whose going to be responsible for the dog’s messes, the cat’s
litter box?
Feeding and walking are also regular chores that may be easily
agreeable to share but can become an inconvenience later on. Be
sure to decide clearly the pet responsibilities.
Kids
Are kids involved? There can only be one disciplinarian even
both of you will have parental responsibilities. Be sure to be
very clear how the kids should be handled or you’ll be
guaranteed to have trouble.
Individual vs Combined Property
If the relationship breaks up do you leave with what you entered
with? What about purchases made together? An early agreement in
this very touchy subject can hopefully avoid legal hassles
later.
If your relationship is stable enough that the both of you have
decided on conditions and responsibilities for all the above
topics, congrats!
You’ll likely last a long time together (guys, don’t let this
one get away!).
If there are sore feelings or skipped topics because one or both
of you weren’t ready to commit to a specific responsibility, you
may want to rethink moving in together, there’s going to be
rough sailing ahead.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2012 AdviceGeneral.com.
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice
General" are for entertainment purposes only. For complete terms and
limitations please go to: www.advicegeneral.com
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