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Ask Rob! The
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Dear Rob,
I've recently
started dating again after coming off a long relationship that didn't work
out. 3 Years 2 months, to be exact.
The guy I was
with was only the second guy I ever slept with.
My friends
are now 'filling me in' on all the new dating rules, but I'm not comfortable
with having sex on the first date. After all, he'd be a guy I pretty well
just met.
What is your
opinion on having sex on your first date?
CH
Hi CH,
I have to
answer you based on my personal belief's, my personal experience and what
I've learned in answering advice questions over the last 7 years.
Sex on the
first date isn't a good idea - ever!
One guy once
told me that he stopped seeing a girl after the first date because she
wouldn't sleep with him. He told me that the date was great, they
communicated well, they had fun and discovered they had a lot in common with
each other. But, at the end of the date when he started making moves on her,
she flat out said to him, "No sex on the first date". He wanted to be sure
they 'fit well together', mentally as well as sexually.
I told this
guy that God created man and woman to fit together, so the sexual part was a
no-brainer. If he wanted to see how good she was in bed, and compare her to
other women he's slept with, he's devaluing not only the sexual act, but
this girl becomes a ride at the fair instead of a person with deeper
feelings and values. If you base sex as the most important part of a
relationship, you're going to have plenty of time to have sex with yourself.
And when you
do get the opportunity to have sex with someone else, it won't be as great
as it should be because it'll just be an exercise in body parts and not
involve the whole person as intercourse is meant to be.
If all you
want is a sexual relationship with someone, you're not being fair to
yourself and your future. For the time being let's ignore the argument for
abstinence and the risk of STD's (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) and
pregnancy and consider the after-effects of a sexual adventure:
If you have
sex with someone on the first date you'll later wonder if the person still
likes you;
if they'll call you again;
if they've been with other people and how many;
what type of future you'll have;
and so on.
Shouldn't all
of these questions be answered before giving of yourself so fully?
Shouldn't any
relationship you have that is on the verge of becoming a sexually intimate
relationship have a certain future?
I'm not
telling you to 'Just Say No', I'm telling you to be sure the value of the
sexual act is worth all that it should be and not just a 'ride on the pony'.
Best Wishes!
Rob.
Dear Rob,
I have been seeing Charlie* for about 5 months. Charlie* is and engineer
and works late, which means its hard to see him regularly because of
late shifts. Usually on his early days or days off we'll get together
for dinner or a drink. This results in an over night stay at his place.
We have been sleeping together sexually for about 3 months and it is
monogamous. I told him that I am attracted to him and his response was
"I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I am interested
in you." What's that mean and how am I supposed to act towards him?
I took the comment as us being friends with benefits. But friends don't
pay for dinner or drinks every time and refuse to take money when
someone offers to help out with the bill. I am very confused with how he
treats me. I am really into Charlie* and don't understand why he doesn't
want to be in a relationship with me. I'm not pushy with it but I need a
mans advice on what to in a situation like this. Do I stick around and
wait for him to see that I am relationship material or what? Or is it a
lost cause and should I just remain friends?
-In a dilemma
Hi dilemma,
He won't change, you need to.
Change boyfriends, that is.
And I wouldn't even call him about it. You can be his big loss.
Guys that have 'friends with benefits' are the biggest users around.
They get everything they want/need without caring how the other person
actually feels. I bet you've had many sleepless nights wondering what's
going on while he beside you snoring away.
As for him paying the bills, that can be one of two things:
he realizes that he makes more money than you, so he pays, or
he figures it's the least that he can do, to keep the benefits rolling
in (without realizing that he's practically prostituting you!)
You need to end this and find someone to settle down with, pronto.
Best wishes,
Rob
*
Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to
help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated
as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the
best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone
that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental.
And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2007 AdviceGeneral.com. If you
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 Need
to find out when to kiss her the first time? Read "the Kiss
Test" available in "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo.
For young guys just starting to date, this book is a must-read.
You'll learn how to increase your confidence in asking girls
out, in getting emails and phone numbers. How to ask for that
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Guys can
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Dating' is highly recommended.
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