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I don't always think that slight actions to get a guy's interest, even a guy that you've been intimate with, is a good effort at getting back together. it's one question to ask with a yes or no answer that you need to get to move on.
Dear Rob,
Thank you for your great advice. Can you please advise me, or if too late for me, others in my situation?
My best friend in college was a guy. For two years, everyone thought we were dating, but I didn’t feel that way with him. In fact, I was going out with other guys who asked me, but still enjoyed being with him more. I loved him with a pure happy love, and once told him so; he got a deer-in-headlights look. One day I tried to imagine what it would be like to kiss him, and suddenly the physical attraction clicked for me. I’m pretty sure he sensed this, and consequently distanced himself.
I was heartbroken to have lost his companionship, but after a year I began dating someone. Over the years, I had two steady relationships, but they never measured up to how I felt with my friend (always still in the background), and I ended them. After the second time, I let it be known to mutual friends how I loved HIM, but he acted oblivious. He was the type to have girl/friends, but never really date. Still, once he gave me a cd with a special love song, and later shared another special song with me. But he would distance himself, especially if another guy asked me out.
I eventually married, but it was increasingly abusive, and I finally escaped. Many years had passed, but this old friend was still single and when I called him, he suggested we meet that weekend. It felt like old times, nothing more than just meeting with a very good, caring friend. He said we should travel, even with my kids, that I could have lived with him, etc. But at the same time, he acted kind of awkward and cautious - when my leg accidentally brushed his under the table, he got up and switched chairs. Later when I was home, I suddenly felt fully attracted to him again... But given the circumstances, we had sort of agreed that it takes a year to recover from any loss/break-up. I wondered if I was just falling for him again in my vulnerable state.
A year passed with little interaction – a few brief encouraging emails – and then I called him to catch up and celebrate my happy rebuilt life. Finally he sent me a nice email, with a picture, apologizing for taking so long to reply, and promising to call me that night. But then he didn’t. It has now been 3 months and he still hasn’t called or emailed! I’ve left lighthearted messages on his voicemail, sent little emails, trying to say why?? without sounding needy or naggy. I wish we could get together again, or at least talk/email. I only want to share my happiness with him. Why does he block me out? I wonder if he is gay (I don’t care!), or if he’s afraid I like him (sorry, yes!), or if he might possibly like me but...??
I’m afraid to ignore him back, because I desire any kind of relationship with him. I’m finding it impossible to get past hope for him, because I don’t know what he’s thinking. What should I do?!
Sincerely,
Hopelessly Patient
Hi Hopelessly Patient,
I do believe that you’ve received the same answer over all these years.
Sorry to say but he’s just not that into you.
Despite the years and the talks and the emotions shared, this guy is on his own and he likes his life that way.
I know how he feels, I was a single man for 7 years before I met my wife.
I didn’t date but had several girl friends. Life was just fine for me.
But when you really CLICK with someone, and they feel the same way, then you know it.
When it’s one-sided and ignored by the other one, well then, that’s how it is.
Yes, life can suck.
I think that you’ve emotionally invested way too much into this guy. Part real life, part fantasy.
It’s time to wake up and improve yourself. Maybe you’ve just been to clingy? Too pushy?
Have you scared him away? Yes, you have, I think.
You have to let him go now.
Concentrate on your life a sit is now. Kids, work, home life.
Enjoy more what you have and you’ll find your price, I’m sure of it.
Best Wishes,
Rob.
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