Too Young To Date? :: Ask Rob! The Advice General

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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Dear Reader,
Every once in a while and young teen, or pre-teen, will email me for some dating or relationship advice.

This is a precarious situation. I want to be helpful, but I also believe that the first line of advice for these types of questions shouldn't be a stranger on the internet. It should be the parents or an older brother or sister.

Dating and relationships are tough enough for people out of school, balancing career family and friends. Never mind the pressures that young people have to deal with: school, parents, being cool, fitting in. All of that and stir in passionate feelings of the first love, the first kiss, the first promises of love forever. It can be overwhelming for someone that is also dealing with a quickly changing body and raging hormones.

But sometimes I just can't help myself and I offer some advice. Here is one such email I answered (edited for clarity):

Dear Rob,
I'm in love with one of my best friends. Except she has a boyfriend ... but the relationship is going nowhere. She says it herself, but she doesn't want to break his heart. How can I make her know I love her more than anyone ever will? Please help me. She's the one. And I can't lose her.

Hi,
Your email tells me that you're young.
And inexperienced as far as dating goes.
I'd stop being such a love-sick puppy about this girl and wait to date when you're more mature.
For instance, you say that "I can't lose her", yet, she's not yours.
And if she doesn't want to break up with this other guy, but listens to you moaning about how much you like her... UGH.
Do yourself a favor, stay single, wait for the real right girl to come along, in a couple of years time.
Best wishes,
Rob

Now, you may feel that this is a cold-hearted approach for a guy giving advice but we've all gone through that first breakup, that 'broken heart that will never heal' stage of life. Someone has to be willing to say "Slow down!" Life isn't fair and there isn't a pot of gold on the other side. Well, not always.

Preparation is the best lead-in for experience. Even when you know that the advice offered won't be heeded.

The Rules That Your Too Young To Date

Everything you do revolves around that other person, whether you're dating them yet or not
The responsibilities and chores that you have at home (while living with your parents) are too much for you to handle but you feel that the 'love of your life' and you can do no wrong together
You don't pay for your own car insurance yet
Someone else still has to buy your beer
This week's 'love of your life' is a different person than the last week's 'love of your life' which is also different from any previous love you've had
Planning your future together doesn't get beyond the next weekend
You can stay out as long as you want, so far as your parents don't find out

Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help" books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:

For Women

For Men

* Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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Ask Rob! The Advice General