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Can you trade sex for a relationship?

Ask Rob! The Advice General
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I think he's actively pursuing me, and I realize that I like him more than just a sex partner. Can I move into a relationship with him?

    

 

Hi Rob,
Hopefully you can help bring me some insight into a situation I have with a man.

I have been on a few dates with a guy the last month and I'm not sure what to make of it. We have a bit of a history (although minimal) and I will admit I've been a bit of a mystery. We initially met years ago briefly and I didn't really give him the time of day. I had sex with him a few years later after a night of drinking and blew him off shortly after...(my own preoccupied life).

We came into contact a few years later and he asked for my # once again. I gave it to him, he asked me out a cpl times, I was busy...When we finally went out we got drunk and went home together again. Yes, I agree I seem like a bit of a tramp but at the time I wasn't interested in a relationship and had alot going on. Plus we had a history right (my excuse)...

Anyways, he messages me every other day but its not that exciting. He asked me out for a glass of wine and to catch up sometimes but I would say is actively pursuing me, like most men seem to in my experience. I saw him Sat morn and its Tues eve and haven't heard from him....maybe he's over it already?

If he does message me now, do I have the right to not reply for a day or 2? I suppose I never cared before but have now started to reconsider. I also know he's a guy that "needs" a challenge.

Maybe you can help, I'm not very good at this...obviously
Confused Too

Dear Confused,
Honestly, from what you’ve told me you weren’t much of a challenge at all.

You started out on a fast track to bed and maintained that part of your “relationship” over the years, and considering the time past and how you’ve “met up” recently, I’d expect him to be looking for you to again simple be a bedmate and nothing more.

If a guy wants a challenge he hunts the woman down and doesn’t take no for an answer.

He will also be “unavailable” so to make him more desirable to you.

You are following the game plan right down to now suddenly finding him more desirable.

I suggest that if you wish to continue to pursue this man that the “rules” be renegotiated.

You moved fast previously, it’s time to slow things down and end the “sexual” part of the relationship, if indeed it can survive the getting to know you period without knocking boots again.

I do think that he’s not looking for a long-term relationship but you do fill in the time nicely for him, right down to the expected nightcap of sex at the end of the night.

If you really still want him, start over. Otherwise it’s his rules, his game, and you’ll eventually be swept away for a woman more of a “challenge” in the future.
Best wishes,
Rob

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