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If the guy can't come right out and say that he wants to see more of you, and make it happen, then don't wait, life is just too short to wait out his fear and indecision.
Dear Rob,
So I'm in college and started seeing this guy Jeff a little over a month ago.
I knew he had liked me for awhile and finally decided to give him a shot, but once things got going, our momentum kept getting cut off between school breaks and exams, so we've actually only hung out about 5 or 6 times.
I know he wants to take things slow and that he hasn't dated anyone for almost 2 years, so its great that he likes me enough to jump back into the game, but I think he's also secretly afraid that I will get bored of him or something and move on to the next guy (because guys do hit on me in front of him and my ex and I are friends which I think also makes Jeff nervous).
He's a senior too, so I think he may have some issues with that because he is graduating so soon... I also know for a fact that he thinks girls only go for assholes, so he sometimes behaves like one by not calling or texting except for every few days and so forth even though he was the "nice guy" before when we were just friends.
We are on Winter Break now, and he actually lives in the same state as me. I hinted the last time I saw him before I left that he should come visit, but he didn't really give a definitive answer.
Should I expect him to try and make an effort to see me?
What does this mean if he does or doesn't?
Some of my friends say that if he doesn't he's only interested in hooking up at school and nothing more, but some say that most people like school life and home life separate and I shouldn't get offended if he doesn't want to hang.
Please help! Thank you!
~ Cindie
Hi Cindie,
People don't have "separate lives" unless they are really unbalanced... you're friends should try to think through what that exactly means instead of just throwing out weird sayings.
He's waiting for a hook-up time, I'm quite certain from what you told me. I don't think this is "playing it slow", I think it's waiting for things to speed up a lot.
Nice guys don't turn bad unless it's just a "method" to get with a girl.
Really nervous guys wait for obvious clues to make the first, or second, move. You know, guys that really haven't dated before.
But playing the ignore game just doesn't cut it for a guy that seems normal but wants to play tough, like he's playing more to his "bad boy" guy friends than towards a woman he likes.
Who is he trying to impress? You?
Or his friends?
If he's trying to string you along so that you'll make the first (sexual) move, then too bad for him, you're too smart for that!
Don't be offended, he really just doesn't know any better... but for some weird reason I also think that you're not the only girl in his life. Just like he's not the only guy in your life.
Being friends with an ex is cool... people just don't understand that you don't have to be best friends to be soul mates... and best friends can be people of the opposite sex... we live in weird times, right?
You have a great life so far, don't mess it up getting bad vibes from strange acting guys.
You deserve a lot better.
Best Wishes,
Rob.
Editor: you may also want to read our "Catch Him & Keep Him" articles
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